Sunday, June 07, 2009

Hollywood outrage as Harvey Levin and TMZ use Carradine hanging photo as an excuse to give kids a step-by-step manual to auto-erotic asphyxiation

We've got to hand it to the corporate porn-pushing gossip site TMZ.com, trumpeting that they're taking some kind of high road by not re-posting today's Thai newspaper photo that allegedly shows David Carradine's naked dead body hanging in the closet of his hotel room, while publishing in its stead something a thousand times more reprehensible, sick and perverted:

An obviously first-hand, step-by-step guide
to auto-erotic asphyxiation!

Who does Harvey Levin think he's fooling? With their marketing and promotion of "celebrity" sex videos featuring scatology and urination to their Hollywood-hating confrontational tactics, TMZ's shaved bronzed midget frontman and his creepy harem of adoring rentboys have been trying for years to inject their amoral, sleazy and septic practices into the mainstream pop culture.

This latest assault can't be blamed on the weekend crew. While the Saturday-Sunday TMZ benchwarmers have been historically and often hysterically clueless on the tabloid journalism and propriety fronts, but though they manage to misspell Carradine's name in one of today's posts (above), it's obvious that it wasn't an hourly-wage mook but an elder veteran of bizarre, perverted sex practices who came to work on a weekend to drool over the Carradine snuff photo and give it his own self-abusive analysis:

"...if this is truly a case of auto-erotica, typically people who do this will put a cloth or something between the neck and the skin to avoid marks that would be difficult to explain. There's a picture that was published in a Thai newspaper showing the body hanging. We will not publish it, but we do not see evidence of anything between the neck and rope...

"...if this is truly a case of auto-erotica, generally there would be a magazine, video or something of a sexual nature within eyeshot to stimulate arousal...

"Also -- the notion behind auto-erotica is that oxygen is restricted to heighten orgasm, but the subject generally has a ladder, stool or something like it to restore oxygen..."

Thanks for the helpful tips, Harvey. You might even convince a lonely teenager to give it a try-- especially after you added a little more spice later in the day:

"...the new sharper image also reveals what appears to be fishnet stockings covering the body. You can also see red women's lingerie on the bed."

These outrageous, sick and attention-grabbing posts likely were concocted after the corporate overlords at Time Warner and AOL ordered that the Carradine photo not be posted, and come at a time when, through its own lack of judgment and morality, and faced with paid competition, TMZ has become increasingly irrelevant. Last week, the newcomer Hollywood Rumor Rat posted:

"It seems Radar Online is really jamming things up for... TMZ.com... For its first couple of years as an online entity, TMZ had a lock on gossipy exclusives... These days, TMZ seems to have been relegated to reporting items generated by public relations press releases...

"If TMZ doesn't step things up, it could soon disappear from the Hollywood radar."

The entrance of the National Enquirer's paid professional tabloid team under the cloak of RadarOnline has pulled TMZ's pants down to its spray-tanned ankles and exposed its shaved, bronzed shortcomings. TV attorney Harvey Levin can't compete with an Enquirer team schooled in the all-important nuances that are so important to the tabloid trade, like recognizing heroes from villains. (Harvey Levin and TMZ chased, hounded and mocked the disturbed woman who gave birth to eight children. RadarOnline gave her a video journal.)

TMZ's packs of street trade thugs, hanging outside hotspots with home video cameras to taunt celebrities, are no longer seen as a threats, but laughed at as clueless morons paid pennies to risk arrest. Someone up above even put a stop to the website's heartless puerile jokes about celebrity deaths. TMZ's irrelevance is the main reason we've stopped writing about them.

Look at TMZ today: Afraid to run police evidence photos, falling back on their private games.

Looks like TMZ is, well, hanging itself!

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