1999-2010

Saturday, October 06, 2007

TMZ'd! Teresa Strasser lies about us on the radio


Teresa Strasser, if we made you cry, we apologize!

But come on. Did we really make you cry? Really? From a listen to the evidence, it seems more likely you made up the story to carry out a hit on behalf of your bosses!

And the hit was on us, a puny-- though qualified-- voice in cyberspace.

We got word yesterday that Teresa, who does double duty at the execrable Adam Carolla radio show and the syndicated TV series based on the corporate porn-pushing gossip site TMZ.com, talked about us on the radio. And thanks to fans at the Adam Carolla message board, we were able to hear what she said about us.

Teresa, Teresa, Teresa… The poor gal, who for months has been a sexual punching bag for Carolla and crew, whose radio persona is based on whining about her unlucky-at-love status, and who is now aligned with a heartless tabloid series, actually claimed that one of our reports made her cry.

Teresa didn’t mention us by name, but gave enough hints that within minutes, our Tabloid Baby items were already posted on Carolla message boards and fan sites. And though she sounded to be speaking extemporaneously during the segment, anaysis shows that it's more likely she was referring to, and reading from notes (whenever she was interrupted mid-sentence by Carolla, she returned to the same point, verbatim)-- notes that were inaccurate.

To be blunt, she lied. In fact, Teresa’s complaint, which forms the basis of a 23 minute and 25 second Carolla show segment, appears to be the first diversionary counterattack from TMZ in wake of the every serious questions raised in our recent reports about the site.

You can hear the Carolla radio segment here, under the “Too Hot for Radio” link.

Our transcript follows, with footnotes:

ADAM CAROLLA: Teresa was a little dejected this morning due to an Internet blogger making nasty comments about her this week, but we all know she's the hottest thing in radio and now that she's on TMZ, the hottest on TV for that matter.

TERESA STRASSER: Maybe I had to put in a little extra effort because I had a rough day yesterday. I was just telling Brian, there’s this, um, media blogger, for some reason he just hates me (1), and um he never writes about the contents of anything I do or my writing, he just writes about how ugly I am (2)?

(Recorded gag effect: “What is it with this Jew?”)

AC: This is a media blogger. What is a “media blogger,” exactly?

TS: This guy has a site. I don’t want to say the name of it. (3)

AC: All right.

TS: But he writes about media. He covers— that’s his beat. He writes about our show here, the Adam Carolla Show, and he writes about TMZ. (4)

AC: Does he cover it from his mom’s basement—

TS: “Heee-- Yes--

AC: Or is it a real gig?

TS: Yes. He’s written a book in the past and I think he used to work on Hard Copy. But he can’t work in television any more. (5)

(Recorded gag soundbite: “I’m explosive!”)

TS (cont’d): And he, uh, I never look at those things, cause as you know I can’t handle it? But yesterday I was at TMZ and I was like, ‘Aaah, I’m kinda bored, let me just—let me just google myself’ and I got about eight pages in and there was nothing but great-- people just writing the most kindhearted things, (6) and I just kept looking until I got to the thing—and this guy was so cruel, and it was just basically about how I’m hideous, and uh, and he said that I’m gonna be replaced on TMZ because, um I’m like Rachel Dratch on 30 Rock and I’m too ugly for television and they’re gonna have to replace me with Jane Krakowski. And he was like that bent nosed, pancake makeup-- uhh!!

AC: …Rachel Dratch, too ugly to do comedy?

TS: That’s what he said. (7) And by the way, I mean--

AC: That’s like being too ugly to detail cars…

TS: Well I got really, you know, in my mind-- had a conversation with this guy in my mind for about four hours, where I thought like, what do you want me to be a Barbie doll? I do the news and um, you know he’s-- I don’t think he’s ever googled me or has any idea that I, um, you know, have had a career in journalism. (8) I’m not trying to be a Maxim model.

AC: Yeah, I—I—I-- I totally concur…

TS: Oh, it said one of the reasons I was ugly was because you are wearing me out. It said "after months of Adam Carolla, she’s worse for wear." (9)

At this point, co-host Danny Bonaduce goes into a funny riff on comments on the TMZ website about his own appearance.

TS: I-- I try. I try to put – I, I try to put it out of my mind because I thought this is just one guy and I’ve, I’ve been really lucky I’ve had nothing but mostly nice things written about me. But I woke up this morning and the first thing, about three seconds into consciousness, I just thought. “I’m so ugly, I’m too ugly for television.” I started crying. I had to wake up Batman. I’m like, “Batman, am I ugly?! Do I look like Rachel Dratch? I’m too ugly!”

AC: Well, okay, cup-- couple of things.

TC: I can’t move on and I can’t let go.

AC: I understand…

TS: Can’t let go.

AC: People-- People are, people are cruel. People are cruel. Um--

TS: Ouch! Ouch!

AC: Now the Internet has become what used to be the car window at sixty miles an hour…

TS: Yeah, like, “Hey, fat ass!”

At this point, Carolla launches into a braying, droning three minute and 32 second “rant” about the Internet, automobiles, Suge Knight, writing emails and the appearance of TV commentators and comedians, before taking a phone call from a listener who tells Teresa, “You’re much too pretty for radio” and suggests that the media blogger must “be on crack.”

AC: First thing I hate is the inaccuracy…

Carolla now launches into a braying, droning one minute and 22 second rant about reviews of The Man Show before Bonaduce gets a word in edgewise.

"To be honest, I got this job
basically because you, Adam,
flipped a coin between me
and some girl with better boobs.”

TS: Well, it was weird, when I first started working here at the Adam Carolla Show, this same site wrote a very lengthy piece, all of which was inaccurate, And I was shocked that he never fact checked-- it wasn’t mean to me so it didn’t hurt but he wrote, his thesis was-- and he, and he wrote it as fact, he said “CBS radio got together and all the suits got together’ and I think the headline was “Girl saves drowning show.” And it said they needed a liberal to save the show (10)and it was this whole cra—I’m-- first of all—I, I’m not that liberal, I’m fiscally conservative, I’m, I don’t believe in affirmative action, I don’t support a lot of welfare programs-- I’m not that liberal! And secondly—

DB: Not a huge fan of comedy—

TS: And secondly, there was, there was a hu—there was never a huge meeting with any suits in New York, I never met anyone in New York and to be honest I got this job basically because you Adam flipped a coin between me and some girl with better boobs.

AC: Mmmmmmm…

TS: I mean was there ever a powwow about hiring a liberal?

AC: Hahahaha…

TS: And this was completely, completely fabricated.(11)

AC: Yeah, yeah. That’s how it works.

At this point, Bonaduce speaks about Carolla’s cult of admiring fans.

Carolla launches into a braying, droning one minute and 26 second about laughing at his own farts and other people’s farts before Bonaduce gets another word in.

The segment ends with Carolla and Bonaduce assuring Teresa Strasser that she isn’t ugly. Carolla goes into a braying, droning two minute and 13 second rant about the “cut off point” of ugliness.
FOOTNOTES:

(1) We don’t hate Teresa. We, in fact, have watched out for her and called attention to the disrespect shown her on the Carolla show. And Tabloid Baby is not a "media blogger." We're a news team comprised of experienced, respected news and tabloid pros who share our knowledge and wisdom for free.

(2) That is demonstrably untrue. We have written about Teresa’s credentials and work from the beginning.

(3) Next time, say the name. Tabloid. Baby. Dot. Com. At least John & Ken were honest enough to do that.

(4) True.

(5) False. The journalists and producers who are part of the Tabloid Baby team, from its editor to its contributing reporters in far-reaching parts of the globe, are all influential and employed. As a currently-employed TV talent, Teresa should know better than to spread that kind of factoid.

(6) The first unkind mention of “Teresa Strasser” actually comes on the sixth page of Google search, not from Tabloid Baby, but in an item entitled “Someone is doing Teresa Strasser doggie style.”

(7) We never said that Rachel Dratch is too ugly to be on television. We merely reported that she was replaced on NBC's 30 Rock for that reason.

(8) Our first story on Teresa did in fact infer that we had “googled” her: “A check of the net shows Strasser to be a part of the Carolla-Jimmy Kimmel ‘family’ already-- an actress and TV host who worked as a writer on Win Ben Stein’s Money, the game show that featured Kimmel in a supporting role. She’s got a website that shows her to feel pretty good about herself, but that’s bound to change as Carolla will systematically grind her into powder on the air, trampling on any jokes she might throw out, and trumping her witty asides with his long-winded, monotonous stream-of-consciousness ‘comedy’ monologues.” In fact, most all of our mentions of Teresa cite her past, and as a result, bemoan her future.

(9) Actual line: "A dour Teresa Strasser, looking the worse for wear after months of battering by the execrable Adam Carolla on morning radio, literally got about three seconds of airtime near the end.”

(10) Inaccurate. False and strangely wrong. Our item, “Radio After Stern: Drowning Carolla grabs a woman” made no mention of CBS, CBS suits in New York or Teresa’s political leanings. It mentions Carolla’s (hanging up on) Ann Coulter stunt as a potential way to boost his own liberal credentials. But Teresa’s politics have not been mentioned on the site, ever.

(11) There was never a mention of powwows, executives, or “hiring a liberal” in the post. It appears some other suits led you into a trap, Teresa. Whose copy were you reading there?

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

Adam is braying and droning, but you think Danny goes off on funny riffs? Honestly, I can understand that you may not like Adam. But to be a big fan of Danny indicates some sort of major flaw in your personality. Do you also prefer liver to fillet mignon? Do you prefer the Monkey's over the Beatles? Do you prefer buttermilk to vanilla shakes?

Anonymous said...

Adam Crapolla: "Does he cover it from his mom’s basement— "

Jesus, they pay this guy millions for recycled crap like this? Unreal.

Anonymous said...

Danny Bonaduce is held back because he sucks! He has nothing original or interesting to add to the show so everyone is making sure that his interruptions are kept to a minimum, the better to let the genius of Adam shine through. Your preference of Bonaduce over Carolla destroys your credibility.

Anonymous said...

I agree that Adam does suck. He thinks much too highly of himself. He's clearly uneducated and has limited reasoning ability. Teresa is a little brighter and more educated than Adam but definitely has a major lying problem. She's not particularly attractive but that is the least of her problems. I think she believes her own lies and apparently doesn't realize that what she spews as facts can easily be checked. Danny sucks the most. He is just awful on so many levels, so that's where you lose me. I wonder if you have a personal relationship with him and are somehow able to see something most others can't see. He's just brutal. All in all though, good stuff.

savethejellyfish said...

I don't think Teresa carried out a hit on you - I think she really is that petty and dishonest that she'd make a bunch of vicious stuff (like not being able to work in TV anymore) because you said she looked "tired-looking". She lies all the time on-air.

Anonymous said...

If Carolla were a real American Genius, he would've brought up the Tabloid Baby/ Harvey Levin journalism battle: an easy to read on-going challenge on this very site, one of ethics and credibility over hit-and-run journalism. But doing show prep is harder than posing at the Playboy Mansion.

wholesomedick said...

HEY ASSHOLE,

GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A BARBED DILDO.

tedder said...

nice job borrowing the word 'braying', even though it was from a confused context!

You wanted them to mention you on air for free advertising. You aren't going to be the next TMZ. Lose some weight and get a real job.

Anonymous said...

"Do you prefer buttermilk to vanilla shakes?" (Yes.)

If that means Ace Man is vanilla and off the assembly line, you got it right. Another high school dropout, ADD hack who met the right industry people and got a job above and beyond his talents. You never heard Howard trampling over guests just to rant for 3 minutes.

Adam, go back to your keyboard. Help Comedy Central with its insatiable need for fart jokes and boob talk.

Anonymous said...

t is made fun of a lot, they (adam & the douche) name her v & call her bitch, which i find degrading. she is smart, but isn't really given an opportunity to show her funny side, she does have corny jokes, but the radio & tmz are limiting her creative & professional potential. her news segment should be called gossip/tmz news, danny bonadouche is the WORST part of the show, he one ups people all the time, saying "me" or "i", he is an annoying elf, & he snorts like a pig maybe its from drug use so it just happens naturally, i bet jack silver thinks danny snorting is good radio. danny also talks under his breath a lot. when danny talks/interrupts (usually long boring stories that make no sense, & have no connection to the current topic) i turn off the radio or fast forward the podcast. danny blows a billion times more than t. adam is the best thing on that show, he is a billion times & a billion times over better than danny.

adam:so the news t.
t:paris hilton...
danny:i have a gf, she's 25, she's a substitute teacher, i have sex (snort, snort).
adam & t: (uncomfortable laughter).

Anonymous said...

"And Tabloid Baby is not a "media blogger." We're a news team comprised of experienced, respected news and tabloid pros who share our knowledge and wisdom for free."

Right, your blog is just dripping with respect, and I'm sure you have gladly turned down many an opportunity to get paid for this fine journalism.

Are you that diluted?

Anonymous said...

er, uh I think you must mean deluded. Maybe get on that internets more or read some books.

Tabloid Baby has creds. Hurt much?

danny said...

You might want to actually read the site you linked to your "Corrections" list about Teresa. The Teresa does it doggy link is a guy that wants to Fu*k her...Thats not "unkind". Soo-you guys would be the first mean site about her. FYI calling someone dour and worse for the wear is more curel than impling that you want to bone them.

Anonymous said...

Your number one story is about your own website! That's classy. I'm sure you'll get a thrill if you get a chance to spit in Teresa's drink when you happen to be catering one of the several award luncheons she will be attending. Try to have an original, sourced, or clever thought before you comment on people who’ve actually succeeded in life. If you’re incapable of that you can always run another story about your own blog

Anonymous said...

Wow, Teresa is getting all her friends to comment.

Anonymous said...

It's not Teresa's fault. She's talented and has a great background.

Anonymous said...

Adam's show gets 17 posts in a thread.

That's more than his listener count at any given time.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, you can't honestly think Db is funny or entertaining, right? You are saying all of this tongue in cheek? Go to the Conway & Whitman podcast and listen to their "Will Danny Kill It?" bits, and then tell us how hysterical Bonaduce is.

Anonymous said...

Love Teresa, hate TMZ. Who cares about this blog?

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