Tuesday, April 22, 2008

TMZ makes up a story about Lindsay Lohan

How does a corporate porn-pushing gossip site manned by subliterate dirty-minded keypunch operators churn out thirty or so smarmy items a day? In the case of TMZ.com, besides relying the flow of big bucks from its corporate overlords at AOL and Time Warner (the folks who bring you CNN, by the way), THEY MAKE IT UP.

The West Hollywood rentboys gave away the game this morning with their story on Lindsay Lohan and her supposed slide back into drinking and drugging with her pal, the Pete Doherty lookalike Samantha Ronson. In wake of our report on the need for Lindsay to take her father's advice, Page Six's report on her NYC antics and People's latest scoop on little sister Ali, TMZ came up with an "exclusive" of its own:

Lindsay Drinks 'Cause Her Parents Stink
Posted Apr 22nd 2008 11:50AM by TMZ Staff

Sources tell TMZ the source of Lindsay Lohan's recent downslide is her parents.

We're told Lindsay has been humiliated by her dad Michael going on national TV saying he got shortchanged in his divorce case. He's on a campaign trashing Dina. As for Dina, Lindsay can't believe she's pimping out Ali on a reality show. We're told that is what led Lindsay to hit the bottle Saturday night in NYC.

Ironically, we're also told Lindsay has been taking sobriety seriously, requesting a sober companion on the set of her new film. People around her are telling her not to go to clubs but she's ignoring them -- but it's not because she wants to party. Lohan is really really tight with DJ Samantha Ronson, who works in clubs -- and Lindsay is there for Sam, not the scene.

Will Lindsay go back to rehab? No plans just yet. Will she downslide or conquer? Stay tuned.

"Stay tuned?"


"Sources tell TMZ?" "We're told?" "We're also told?"

TMZ's use of phony "sources" is one of the oldest tricks in the tabloid book, but just as the flaccid "TMZ staff" of shaved bronzed midget frontman Harvey Levin is graceless in its use of words and attempts at double entendre, so does it fail in its use of conjecture to create a story that's logically possible, can't be denied, and ultimately will be self-fulfilling. This phony "scoop" is such an obvious space-filler that it makes Liz Smith look like Mike Walker.

If ever a story was obviously made up out of whole cloth, it's this one. Who among us is going to believe that 21-year-old actress, who's been out of control for years and managed to withstand two or three attempts at rehab and is now in the middle of a dark party crowd, is reacting to the antics of her parents, who seek her approval, not the other way around?

No, this one is an obvious public relations sop to take the heat off of Lindsay in a matter that the young adult should be forced to take responsibility for--if only to save her life. Daddy, for one, only wants to help, but once again TMZ can't sort out the heroes from the villains. The TMZ staff might be better served reading the new Chris Farley biography or better yet, this.

Meanwhile, sources tell us: What a load of bull-shit!

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