Tuesday, April 01, 2008

April Fools aplenty at the disgusting TMZ.com

What do you bet that one of the undereducated unclever Santa Monica Boulevard pickups hired as “writers” on the weekend desk at the corporate porn-pushing website TMZ.com got a shot at the Monday- Friday shift this week?

How else to explain the gushing filth that’s been ejaculated across the Internet in the past twenty four hours, culminating in the very misguided and unnecessarily cruel announcement of the death of singer Elliot Yamin’s mother (the sick old lady from Season 5 of American Idol):

Mom of Former "Idol" Finalist Sings "My Way"
"The mother of 'American Idol' contestant Elliott Yamin died last night in Richmond, Va. She was 65.

 Claudette Yamin had been hospitalized over the weekend…
Yamin finished in 3rd place in 2006 on 'Idol,' behind Katharine McPhee and Taylor Hicks -- who, like Mrs. Yamin, will never be heard from again.”

That's witty? That's naughty? With readers and we’d hope corporate overlords and sponsors crying “Enough already,” slimy shaved TMZ frontman Harvey Levin and crew have tried to turn the episode into an “Oops we did it again” joke by running a phony Poll asking, “Did we go too far?” Even though the boys obviously didn’t learn any lessons after the spanking they got over their misguided, evil cackles upon the death of Merv Griffin last year, we can all agree that this time, TMZ didn’t push any taste boundaries, but merely exposed itself once again, pulling down its stained pants to reveal a herpetic staff that is sorely out of touch with the average everyday reader’s sense of decency and fair play.

It's astounding to think that after all his years playing pattycake and rubadub in imitation tabloid television “newsrooms," poor angry Harvey still doesn’t know the basic rules of tabloid: You don’t pick on the little guy. You don’t humiliate nice people.

And you don't go after somebody's mother.

But where were we? Oh yeah, the evidence that the weekend shift has been working Monday and Tuesday:

Let’s see. How about:

This Is Why You Don't F*** with Steve Wynn!
“There are two guys named Wang and Ah who, if they're not already, need to stay in China. Because Steve Wynn is after their asses… How do you say ‘totally effed’ in Chinese?”
Jessica Hospitalized -- Condition, Pissy
“TMZ has learned Jessica Simpson has been hospitalized at Cedars-Sinai for what we're told is a ‘minor kidney infection.’ That's a pisser!”

And if those two whoppers aren't reason enough for Time Warner AOL shareholders to demand a change in management at its well-financed flagship of fools, we’ll leave you with a few more headlines that popped up in the past 24 hours or so:

Bobby Ewing's on a Quest for Beaver

Heidi's Pad -- Nothing But Pussies and Peckers

Janice Makes an Ass Out of Herself

Miley's Lost Pooch? Bitch, Please!!

Stedman Won't Give His O-Face

Leinart to Skeezer: Suck This, Baby

Simon Loves His Heinies

One final note: A few weeks back, we’d asked about the identity of one “Gillian Sheldon” whose name has popped up on TMZ emails and, surprisingly, more often on the site than that of the Fagin, Levin (not an Anti-Semitic barb but a reference to his role as ringleader of a pack of toyboy street thugs sent out to harass “celebrities” with cell phone cameras).

We’re told Gillian (above right) is indeed a woman and actually has much to do with the content of the site.

A woman is oozing out this hateful embarrassing bilious sludge? Now that’s a pisser.


fidobarks said...

dat broad got shizz botox.

oakling said...

Thank you for calling them on this stuff! I suddenly understand all the celeblogs that I have seen that are deeply mean-spirited and basically rely on near-porn all the time. There is such a variety of different celeblogs, and I've never understood how people get away with this one broad vein of really nasty ones where all the comments are either "I'd hit that" or "expletive expletive, nasty skank expletive, my penis." TMZ, j'accuse!!