Sunday, February 10, 2008

Heather Mills, with her erogenous stump, remains the kind of a girl that makes the News of The World

Fleet Street's hard to beat when it comes to succinct headlines, and the latest example tops the News of The World's accusations that Heather Mills carried on a lusty three-legged sex affair with a randy film editor while she was dating old Paul McCartney. The story "on an affair that will stun the nation" is timed to throw off and discredit the bedazzled former porn model as her fight to grab a big chunk of old Macca's millions comes to a head, no pun intended, when she represents herself at the Royal Courts of Justice tomorrow. And the copy, of course, is sublime, right down to the made-up quotes:

"The one-legged ex-hooker even brazenly showed her lover Sir Paul's tender texts—before leaping into bed with Tim for marathon sex sessions...

"'Heather was insatiable between the sheets and she liked to call me her four-times-a-night guy. Our record was six.

"'Most of the time it was multiple orgasms. Heather has a very unusual erogenous zone—her stump. I used to massage one particular sensitive area of it and give her an orgasm!

"...'My friends would ask me what it was like with a woman with one leg and I'd tell them, "No different to making love to a girl with two legs".

"'I'm a fit guy but she had tremendous stamina. We'd be at it like rabbits. She was up for it anywhere too. Once she gave me a bl** j** under the desk while I was working in my editing suite. And on a holiday in South Africa we stripped and made love in the shelter of a sand dune—even though tourists were watching.'

"...Tim first met Heather on a blind date set up by a mutual friend in August 1996... At the time, Heather was already engaged to tennis organiser Marcus Stapleton— but that didn't stop her getting what she wanted. She took Tim back to the Regent's Park mews flat she shared with Marcus, who was away on business.

"Tim says: 'We lay on the bed and kissed and fondled. She wanted to have sex but I didn't think I'd be able to manage it because I was so nervous.'

They made love for the first time a few weeks later—in Marcus Stapleton's flat. 'Heather instigated it with a nice bit of oral sex then we went all the way,' says Tim.

"'There was never any awkwardness about her leg. She would take it off the same way she would a pair of slippers.'"

There's more! Check out lots of NSFW shots of Heather's past porn work here.

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