Sunday, February 17, 2008

Hollywood Thoughts' greatest hit

We don't write much about Britney Spears unless it's to point out the complicity of the LAPD or LA County Sheriff's Department in the civilian-endangering crim-filled car chase circuses that consistently tie up our colleagues on the PCH while feeding the mind-blowingly inconsequential and borderline evildoings of operations like that boy-bandying corporate porn-pushing gossip site. But today marks a milestone in LA cultural reporting: one year to the day that LA Dodger Jon at the once-essential Hollywood Thoughts website reported on the shaving that launched a year of shame in celebrity journalism, year in which the spirit at the once-leading Defamer site sagged and its editors' interest slipped to the point that they were reduced to padding across the apartment in fuzzy slippers to post clips from The View, Ellen and other daytime TV shows they were glued to; sinking even lower and simply posting links to the dreaded TMZ, and ultimately reaching such a level of ennui that their feted goateed main man Mark Lisanti quit altogether last week.

LA Dodger Jon, meanwhile, in a little more than a year of operation, had made his Hollywood Thoughts site an authoritative and humour resource for all things architectural and Disney, with the scope that encompassed any and all media and cultural and sports-related issues that captured his imagination or grinded his gears. But sadly fir us readers, his responsibilities as a top Hollywood television producer have in recent months taken time away from his site (the last posting was October 17th's disemboweling of Disney's plans to renovate the California Adventure Park-- advice the Imagineers have already taken to heart).

But today we look back at the Hollywood Thoughts posting that made international headlines one year ago today: when he came home and found a pack of photographers lurking int he alley behind his garage.

Come back to the five and dime, Hollywood Thoughts, Hollywood Thoughts...

Britney Spears has a shaved head and a new tattoo

Honestly, with a headline like that, I don't think there's much more to say.

But why do I care? I don't... except that all of this happened not much more than 500 feet from my backdoor.

See, when I came home tonight, there were twenty to thirty photographers lurking in the alley across from my garage door. I soon found out they were paparazzi stalking Ms. Brit who was inside the slightly tattered buzz-parlor known as "Body + Soul."

Hey, a celebutard right in my backyard. Literally.

I decided to take a look.

Who cares if the hot turkey melt I just picked-up from the Mel's Diner would be reduced to a congealed mess of gouda on cold poultry meat? I smelled a story... and I JUST HAD to be an investigative reporter for my readership.

I went around to the front of the place, and was quickly engulfed by a mob of nearly a hundred twenty-somethings. But, LOOK! There she is! I spotted my quarry: a now bald-headed, trash talking, newly inked mother-of-two. Ooops, she just did it again.

Who the hell is watching after the kids while Mama is running around without panties or hair??!!??

Ah, hell... at least the new 'do has Brit's carpet matching her drapes. If you know what I mean.

With her wrist newly etched with a pair of red lips, and a completely cut down pate, she definitely looks like the type that would man the drive-thru next to Kevin whats-his-name on the fry machine* (*please review the Federline Super Bowl commercial if you're having a tough time following the line of thought here). Maybe she was celebrating her one day of sobriety after her short -- but successful? -- stint in rehab.

Bottom line? Well, let's just say I don't quite understand people that still wonder why home values are slipping here in the 'hood...

--Feb. 17, 2007

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