1999-2010

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The Ballad of Heather Mills & Patti Petite




With porny shots and risqué revelations multiplying faster than our crack staff could post them, we began to feel sorry for Paul McCartney’s naughty and nasty estranged Heather Mills. Almost.

Until we Googled “one-legged porn starlet” and happened upon the sad story of poor Patti Petite.

From 1985 to 1988, Patti was a very active porn star, blazing her way through dozens of X-rated films and videos like A Star Is Porn, Behind The Back Door, Bi & Large and Best of Rambone (titles that surely edge out the Sun's “Strawberry Feels Forever” and “Abbey Rude”).

According to the lively Excalibur Films website, Patti, like Heather Mills, “was one of the most rough and ready of all the 80's porno strumpets” and “a tenacious sexual athlete.”

Like Heather, her “…blonde hair framed a striking face, a vivacious visage whose sensual leers could raise the dead.”

Like Heather in her photo shoots, and allegedly in her relations with old Beatle Paul, “Patti always brought tons of full-throttle energy to her on-screen sexing… Her passion and enthusiasm were palpable, and she especially liked it when things were at their wildest…”

And tragically, like Heather, Patti Petite’s sexy shoot paydays were cut short, when in 1988, “she got into a car wreck while driving with fellow pornstress Tiffany Lane. Tiffany Lane died in the carnage, while Patti Petite was so severely injured that she had to have a leg amputated. The loss of her limb also proved to be the loss of her carnal career, as there was little call for a one-legged porn starlet at that time.”

Five years later, porny model Heather Mills would lose a leg when she was hit by a motorcycle cop while crossing the road!

But what a difference a few years, some brains, ambition, imagination and a lonely old recently-widowed ex-Beatle make. Heather would find the loss of her limb only helped in her walk to fame and fortune, leading to a career as a serious spokesmodel, and in fact posing no hindrance-- and according to some tabloid accounts may indeed have added some spice-- to her relationship with and eventual marriage to Paul McCartney.

All this, despite another bizarre coincidence: Leggy Mountbatten, manager of Neil Innes’ legendary Beatles parody group, The Rutles, “had lost a leg in the closing overs of World War Two!”

Heather, it could have been worse. Join Tabloid Baby in lifting a legful to Patti Petite, porn star-- the kind of the girl who makes the News of The World, years before Heather Mills.

10 comments:

DutchKorman said...

Never met Mills, but I knew Petite back in the day. She was the original wild child. She also had a great singing voice. I wish her well.

Anonymous said...

Patti still has both of her legs.

Psychomike said...

You can read about Patti in Chicago here:

http://subgeniusslack.blogdrive.com

I don't know who anonymous is but I have a feeling he is mixing her up with the NEW porn star that uses her name.

Anonymous said...

All three of you are wrong! According to lukeisback.com, Patti Petite was last seen living in West Los Angeles and living an anonomous life.

Anonymous said...

Last I heard Patti was cutting hair in Northern California. She still has both of her legs.

Anonymous said...

I knew Patti Pettit (and her sister) back in the 80's. I last saw her in Healdsburg, CA around 1990. She told me she was waiting tables and living with her parents. She looked fine to me aside from a plethora of tattoos. And yes, the girl could sing!
Suzi B.

Psychomike said...

Well she had no tattoos in Chicago (or in her porn videos), the LUKE IS BACK site says she was one legged,so I guess with all this conflicting info who knows what she is doing now.

You can read about her here:
http://subgeniusslack.blogdrive.com/archive/47.html

Anonymous said...

I used to live with her sister. Patti did not lose a leg in a car wreck.

Anonymous said...

I knew Patti Petite when she lived behind the 8 ball bar in Cotati Ca. around 1990. She was a dancer, yes Dancer at a strip club on Santa Rosa Ave called "everybody's talking". She did have a great voice and she also could dance very well, high kicks and everything. Both legs were intact and not a scar on her entirely naked body. She was a beauty and fun to talk to, always a huge smile and great attitude. I'm not gonna say where she lives now. We were friendly aquaintances, I don't want her bothered by weirdos.

Doc Rietman said...

getriecI knew Patty real well in Santa Rosa...she sang for my band Leaps and Bounds for a few months until it all went haywire..lol...I remember her very well..talk about her all the time.