Adam Carolla goes gay, explores feminine side

We haven’t done any extended listening to the Adam Carolla Radio Show in a couple of weeks, and we have to admit we haven’t missed the amateurish borefest that two years ago had the misfortune of replacing Howard Stern’s brilliance with its host's solipsism, insecurity and arrogant mediocrity.

We’ll admit, we threw up our hands when Carolla engineered the ouster of the entertaining Danny Bonaduce, whose presence on the show in 2007 saved it from certain cancellation, before Carolla staged a backstabbing coup, just in time for Christmas. Without Bonaduce’s genius crowd appeal, Carolla seems to be on the exit ramp once again, but recent events have shown he’s tap dancing to stay afloat on the rolling log of show business survival. He crossed picket lines to appear on Jay Leno’s show; this week it was announced he’ll join other D-listers competing on Dancing with The Stars; and according to another regular listener, he’s shifting his show focus to appeal to an audience beyond the xenophobic, women-fearing fratboy crowd he was molded to serve.

“Sam V,” like us, was banished from even viewing the Adam Carolla Show Message Board for posting an item that the webmistress found inappropriate (translation: “Not worshipful to Carolla”). In a message to Tablidbaby.com, he offers a different take on the show, which we post, with footnotes:

After being banned from the "Official Adam Carolla Show" board (1) for the fourth time. I thought I would write you with the new direction the show is going.

Since Adam's show will never be a male ratings contender anymore, it seems like Adam is now targeting chicks and gay dudes (nothing wrong with that):

* Adam is now on Dancing with the Stars (2)
* Lynn and Alex America’s favorite gay couple (3)

* First they had Teresa's "fake" wedding

* Now they made a big deal about Teresa's engagement (4) (she even barged into Frosty, Heidi, and Frank (5) to yap about it, who cares?)

I can list dozens more examples, but If the topics aren't gay or female-related they are boring crap like one of this week’s topics:

* "Wedding Songs that you WANT to hear, and Wedding Songs you DON’T want to hear.

* Movie reviews that you can't understand because a guy with a Nicaraguan accent (6) reads them ( I get it, funny the first dozen times).

I don't see how this show can stay on this long.

On the upside, I can’t wait for Adam’s fans to see him wearing spandex doing the tango. I can hear it now: “Is this The Man Show (7) Adam?”

FOOTNOTES:

1 See TabloidBaby.com, January 11, 2008: “Carolla, unfettered! Carolla, unlistenable.”

2 Tabloidbaby.com, February 19, 2008, “Adam Carolla is the new Heather Mills.”

3 A West Hollywood gay couple who competed on The Amazing Race 7, they have gone on to market themselves as stereotypical "gossip queens,” and, like Perez Hilton, have been regular guests, and targets of ridicule, on the Carolla show.

4 A former third-tier cable television presenter and writer affiliated with Carolla mentor Jimmy Kimmel who was recently fired from an on-air role on the inconsequential whitewashed syndicated television version of the corporate porn-pushing website TMZ.com, Teresa Strasser cultivated a “smartypants” image when she joined the show as newsreader, but gradually emerged with a pre-liberation self-pitying, luckless “single girl” persona, whose recent engagement serves to continue the character arc that will surely end in disappointment. Allows Carolla and his jock sidekicks to refer to her “V” and to refer to her as a “Jewish news girl.” Now that Bonaduce is gone from the show, she serves to encourage Carolla’s droning monologues by parroting the end of his sentences. Warning to Carolla: refers to herself as “news girl and co-host” on her MySpace page (where her picture shows off an "engagement" ring-- apparently from a pre-engagment photo session). Tabloidbaby.com, January 8, 2008, “While Carolla gets a third chance to make his radio show work, his ‘news girl’ could use a new photo”; October 5, 2007, “Exclusive! TMZ-Carolla-girl Teresa Strasser nude!”

5 The radio team that follows Carolla’s show in Los Angeles is distinguished by regular injections of forced, fake, mirthless laughter throughout their conversations. Tabloid Baby, December 12, 2006, “Carolla Forced to partner with Danny Bonaduce!”

6 Carolla has regularly humiliated a Nicaraguan construction worker named Ozzy, laughing hysterically and mockingly as he has the man read movie reviews and song lyrics in his thick accent. Carolla excuses the racism by pointing out that he gives Ozzy work and that he is a “close friend.” See Tabloidbaby.com, Adam Carolla search.

7 An old Comedy Central series originally hosted by Carolla and mentor Kimmel, celebrating loutish, racist, sexist males also known as “couch potatoes.”

Carolla stunt backfires! Cohost Danny Bonaduce gets his own radio show while Carolla is forced to fend for himself in the mornings...

Pouting radio boremeister Adam Carolla's sickout last week from his morning radio show heard in Los Angeles and other markets on the west coast has backfired as his professional cohost Danny Bonaduce has been cut loose from the second banana role and elevated to own afternoon radio show.

Bonaduce's forced entry onto the Carolla team a year ago led to blossoming ratings, new energy and unprecedented relevance for the struggling monotonous replacement for Howard Stern's broadcast. But despite the intelligence and wit Bonaduce brought to the proceedings, Carolla's jealousy has been evident on air in recent months, especially after Bonaduce began to receive rave reviews for his raw-nerved honesty in wake of his divorce, new television deals and public controversy that only raised his own profile while dragging the show along behind him. Last week, Carolla "called in sick," hoping to force his bosses to return creative control and to boost his salary, as they had rewarded Bonaduce.

As a result, the CBS Radio suits showed they've been watching this space, and have done what we'd asked them to do in October-- they've given Bonaduce his own afternoon show, stealing an hour from the mirthless laughfest of Frosty, Heidi and Frank.

Carolla will get one last chance on his own, along with a subservient female "newsreader" and sexual punching bag who also works for the television show based on the corporate porn-pushing gossip site TMZ.com. While Carolla's firt season was filled with a cast of lowbrow braying buddies and concocted "characters," we'll bet he will again be saddled with a bright professional radio sidekick.

The news release arrived this morning:

CBS RADIO PRESS ROOM

December 21, 2007

CBS RADIO RENEWS "THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW"

Weekday Morning Program Broadcast On Several CBS RADIO Stations Earning Its Best Ratings Ever

Featured Contributor Danny Bonaduce To Host His Own Afternoon Radio Program On KLSX-FM

On the heels of its outstanding summer ratings, CBS RADIO delivered more good news for Adam Carolla. The Company announced today it has signed a multi-year contract extension with Adam that positions the funny-man solidly in the highly competitive Los Angeles market for years to come.

THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW can be heard on its flagship station, 97.1 KLSX-FM, weekday mornings from 6:00-10:00AM, PT, and can also be found on KUFO-FM in Portland and KXTE-FM in Las Vegas. In addition, the show is simulcast on www.adamcarolla.com, as well as the websites of KLSX (www.971freefm.com), KUFO (www.kufo.com), and KXTE (www.xtremeradio.com). THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW is also syndicated through Westwood One in several major markets, including Seattle, Sacramento and Fresno, among others.

“Two years ago morning radio went through a seismic change, one that granted Adam Carolla the opportunity to launch his own unique style of entertainment in a coveted time slot,” said Chris Oliviero, Vice President of Programming, CBS RADIO. “THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW has far exceeded our expectations and proven to be a listener favorite. We are thrilled to continue our relationship with Adam, and anticipate even more success for the program in the years to come.”

“I'm incredibly excited to continue my relationship with the fine folks at CBS RADIO,” said Carolla. “Launching a new show is never an easy task, but I feel like the past two years have laid the cement foundation and I'm now ready to throw the house warming party. I'm looking forward to returning to work on January 2, just not at 5:30 in the morning.”

The Adam Carolla Show began broadcasting in January 2005 and has steadily gained listeners to become one of the top shows among its target demographic of Men 25-54. According to Arbitron’s summer ratings, The Adam Carolla Show had its highest morning drive numbers in Los Angeles since the shows debut, and ranked in the top five with Men 18-34 and Men 25-54 General Market. Additionally, the program has gained a loyal following among female listeners.

In a related announcement, contributing show member Danny Bonaduce will relinquish his role on THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW and begin hosting his own program on KLSX. Positioned between the highly rated Frosty, Heidi & Frank Show (10:00AM-2:00PM) and industry icon Tom Leykis’ program (3:00-8:00PM), BROADCASTING BONADUCE: THE DANNY BONADUCE SHOW will premiere Wednesday, Jan. 2, 2008 on-air and online from 2:00-3:00PM, PT. Teresa Strasser will continue to contribute to the station’s morning drive program with Adam Carolla.

“This announcement will maximize Danny’s exposure on the station and the web where he has a national following. He has brought much excitement and entertainment to THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW and we expect him to bring the same enthusiasm to the afternoon time slot,” said Jack Silver, Vice President of Programming, KLSX.

* * *

Adam Carolla vomits on a coed

“…And when we come back, the Deaf Frat Guy will be here…”

Jesus Christ! It happened! Yesterday, around nine a.m. on morning radio in Los Angeles: Howard Stern’s replacement actually promoted one of his dead air “characters.” Going into a commercial break, he teased a “bit” that actively forces listeners to seek another station-- as if it’s something to look forward to.

Incredibly, the dunderheads behind the Adam Carolla Show think they've hit on a winner with their time-killing ridicule of the powerless (conveniently, this group can't hear the show). They've even launched a “Deaf Frat Guy” website that manages to rip off National Lampoon’s Animal House and classic High School yearbook simultaneously, while including photos like this:

A supposedly comatose young woman, splashed with vomit (and possibly urine), “tagged” by a fellow frat guy at a family reunion. A staged “gag” shot, or a photo sent in by a Carolla fan? It’s worth an investigation.

Howard Stern gave us strippers and lesbians. Adam Carolla vomits on a coed. This is Howard’s revenge for all the years of abuse at the hands of the FCC: the dull, droning loudmouth Adam Carolla and his slugs, including the grating “sportscaster” who beats to death a bubbling “fishtank”/American Idol Dog Pound joke, and a new news girl playing it straight and obedient, giving Carolla the set-up lines to launch his numbing “rants.”

Hey, we may have led the charge, but Tabloid Baby‘s not alone. Rabid entertainment columnist Nikki Finke has joined the cause, bemoaning “what we're stuck with now: Adam Carolla, that unwitty slow-talker who's not just a panderer but also a punishment to listeners.”

But Nikki has discouraging news: “We have ABC's lame late night talk-show host Jimmy Kimmel to damn for Carolla's presence: Mr. Smug is not just the show's creative consultant but he's also the ‘advisor’ -- and I use that term loosely -- to develop new talent and show ideas for Infinity (and make guest appearances on Carolla's program). So I'm told that, as long as Kimmel's contract is ironclad, Carolla stays put.”

Here’s an idea: Let’s give Johnny Wendell a shot.

Johnny is the Boston rocker turned L.A. hipster and music writer who suddenly turned up on L.A. radio one weekend and exploded like a smart bomb over Dullsville. Johnny’s the real blue collar sage, a talker with real wit and facts to back up his outrage. He knows radio, he knows pop culture, he's got real balls, and he doesn’t look down at his audience as a bunch of beer-swilling, belly-bearing yingyangs who denigrate women and foreigners. Johnny makes you laugh and encourages you to think. His monologues might sound like tirades, but they get listeners reaching for the telephone, not the dial. He speaks to listeners because he’s one of us. And he doesn’t wear undershirts in LA.

For the past seven weeks, Johnny has been talking up a storm afternoons on 106.9 Free FM in San Francisco—another station where the Kimmel/Carolla machine has its hooks into the morning hours—and he’s been doing it a whole different way.

Carolla and company are sucking morning radio into a big black hole. Until Howard Stern returns with a packaged, simulcast version of his satellite show, mornings will only get darker.

In New York, they saw the writing on the floor and yanked David Lee Roth when they realized he wasn’t working.

So howzabout giving Johnny Wendell seven weeks in the morning?

Give Carolla and crew the summer off to work up some new “bits” and some interviewing lessons so the show can attract some real guests.

In the meantime, we won’t have to be fumbling with the radio dial on the drive in to work. It's getting dangerous. Carolla could kill someone.

TMZ'd! Teresa Strasser lies about us on the radio

Teresa Strasser, if we made you cry, we apologize!

But come on. Did we really make you cry? Really? From a listen to the evidence, it seems more likely you made up the story to carry out a hit on behalf of your bosses!

And the hit was on us, a puny-- though qualified-- voice in cyberspace.

We got word yesterday that Teresa, who does double duty at the execrable Adam Carolla radio show and the syndicated TV series based on the corporate porn-pushing gossip site TMZ.com, talked about us on the radio. And thanks to fans at the Adam Carolla message board, we were able to hear what she said about us.

Teresa, Teresa, Teresa… The poor gal, who for months has been a sexual punching bag for Carolla and crew, whose radio persona is based on whining about her unlucky-at-love status, and who is now aligned with a heartless tabloid series, actually claimed that one of our reports made her cry.

Teresa didn’t mention us by name, but gave enough hints that within minutes, our Tabloid Baby items were already posted on Carolla message boards and fan sites. And though she sounded to be speaking extemporaneously during the segment, anaysis shows that it's more likely she was referring to, and reading from notes (whenever she was interrupted mid-sentence by Carolla, she returned to the same point, verbatim)-- notes that were inaccurate.

To be blunt, she lied. In fact, Teresa’s complaint, which forms the basis of a 23 minute and 25 second Carolla show segment, appears to be the first diversionary counterattack from TMZ in wake of the every serious questions raised in our recent reports about the site.

You can hear the Carolla radio segment here, under the “Too Hot for Radio” link.

Our transcript follows, with footnotes:

ADAM CAROLLA: Teresa was a little dejected this morning due to an Internet blogger making nasty comments about her this week, but we all know she's the hottest thing in radio and now that she's on TMZ, the hottest on TV for that matter.

TERESA STRASSER: Maybe I had to put in a little extra effort because I had a rough day yesterday. I was just telling Brian, there’s this, um, media blogger, for some reason he just hates me (1), and um he never writes about the contents of anything I do or my writing, he just writes about how ugly I am (2)?

(Recorded gag effect: “What is it with this Jew?”)

AC: This is a media blogger. What is a “media blogger,” exactly?

TS: This guy has a site. I don’t want to say the name of it. (3)

AC: All right.

TS: But he writes about media. He covers— that’s his beat. He writes about our show here, the Adam Carolla Show, and he writes about TMZ. (4)

AC: Does he cover it from his mom’s basement—

TS: “Heee-- Yes--

AC: Or is it a real gig?

TS: Yes. He’s written a book in the past and I think he used to work on Hard Copy. But he can’t work in television any more. (5)

(Recorded gag soundbite: “I’m explosive!”)

TS (cont’d): And he, uh, I never look at those things, cause as you know I can’t handle it? But yesterday I was at TMZ and I was like, ‘Aaah, I’m kinda bored, let me just—let me just google myself’ and I got about eight pages in and there was nothing but great-- people just writing the most kindhearted things, (6) and I just kept looking until I got to the thing—and this guy was so cruel, and it was just basically about how I’m hideous, and uh, and he said that I’m gonna be replaced on TMZ because, um I’m like Rachel Dratch on 30 Rock and I’m too ugly for television and they’re gonna have to replace me with Jane Krakowski. And he was like that bent nosed, pancake makeup-- uhh!!

AC: …Rachel Dratch, too ugly to do comedy?

TS: That’s what he said. (7) And by the way, I mean--

AC: That’s like being too ugly to detail cars…

TS: Well I got really, you know, in my mind-- had a conversation with this guy in my mind for about four hours, where I thought like, what do you want me to be a Barbie doll? I do the news and um, you know he’s-- I don’t think he’s ever googled me or has any idea that I, um, you know, have had a career in journalism. (8) I’m not trying to be a Maxim model.

AC: Yeah, I—I—I-- I totally concur…

TS: Oh, it said one of the reasons I was ugly was because you are wearing me out. It said "after months of Adam Carolla, she’s worse for wear." (9)

At this point, co-host Danny Bonaduce goes into a funny riff on comments on the TMZ website about his own appearance.

TS: I-- I try. I try to put – I, I try to put it out of my mind because I thought this is just one guy and I’ve, I’ve been really lucky I’ve had nothing but mostly nice things written about me. But I woke up this morning and the first thing, about three seconds into consciousness, I just thought. “I’m so ugly, I’m too ugly for television.” I started crying. I had to wake up Batman. I’m like, “Batman, am I ugly?! Do I look like Rachel Dratch? I’m too ugly!”

AC: Well, okay, cup-- couple of things.

TC: I can’t move on and I can’t let go.

AC: I understand…

TS: Can’t let go.

AC: People-- People are, people are cruel. People are cruel. Um--

TS: Ouch! Ouch!

AC: Now the Internet has become what used to be the car window at sixty miles an hour…

TS: Yeah, like, “Hey, fat ass!”

At this point, Carolla launches into a braying, droning three minute and 32 second “rant” about the Internet, automobiles, Suge Knight, writing emails and the appearance of TV commentators and comedians, before taking a phone call from a listener who tells Teresa, “You’re much too pretty for radio” and suggests that the media blogger must “be on crack.”

AC: First thing I hate is the inaccuracy…

Carolla now launches into a braying, droning one minute and 22 second rant about reviews of The Man Show before Bonaduce gets a word in edgewise.

"To be honest, I got this job
basically because you, Adam,
flipped a coin between me
and some girl with better boobs.”

TS: Well, it was weird, when I first started working here at the Adam Carolla Show, this same site wrote a very lengthy piece, all of which was inaccurate, And I was shocked that he never fact checked-- it wasn’t mean to me so it didn’t hurt but he wrote, his thesis was-- and he, and he wrote it as fact, he said “CBS radio got together and all the suits got together’ and I think the headline was “Girl saves drowning show.” And it said they needed a liberal to save the show (10)and it was this whole cra—I’m-- first of all—I, I’m not that liberal, I’m fiscally conservative, I’m, I don’t believe in affirmative action, I don’t support a lot of welfare programs-- I’m not that liberal! And secondly—

DB: Not a huge fan of comedy—

TS: And secondly, there was, there was a hu—there was never a huge meeting with any suits in New York, I never met anyone in New York and to be honest I got this job basically because you Adam flipped a coin between me and some girl with better boobs.

AC: Mmmmmmm…

TS: I mean was there ever a powwow about hiring a liberal?

AC: Hahahaha…

TS: And this was completely, completely fabricated.(11)

AC: Yeah, yeah. That’s how it works.

At this point, Bonaduce speaks about Carolla’s cult of admiring fans.

Carolla launches into a braying, droning one minute and 26 second about laughing at his own farts and other people’s farts before Bonaduce gets another word in.

The segment ends with Carolla and Bonaduce assuring Teresa Strasser that she isn’t ugly. Carolla goes into a braying, droning two minute and 13 second rant about the “cut off point” of ugliness.

FOOTNOTES:

(1) We don’t hate Teresa. We, in fact, have watched out for her and called attention to the disrespect shown her on the Carolla show. And Tabloid Baby is not a "media blogger." We're a news team comprised of experienced, respected news and tabloid pros who share our knowledge and wisdom for free.

(2) That is demonstrably untrue. We have written about Teresa’s credentials and work from the beginning.

(3) Next time, say the name. Tabloid. Baby. Dot. Com. At least John & Ken were honest enough to do that.

(4) True.

(5) False. The journalists and producers who are part of the Tabloid Baby team, from its editor to its contributing reporters in far-reaching parts of the globe, are all influential and employed. As a currently-employed TV talent, Teresa should know better than to spread that kind of factoid.

(6) The first unkind mention of “Teresa Strasser” actually comes on the sixth page of Google search, not from Tabloid Baby, but in an item entitled “Someone is doing Teresa Strasser doggie style.”

(7) We never said that Rachel Dratch is too ugly to be on television. We merely reported that she was replaced on NBC's 30 Rock for that reason.

(8) Our first story on Teresa did in fact infer that we had “googled” her: “A check of the net shows Strasser to be a part of the Carolla-Jimmy Kimmel ‘family’ already-- an actress and TV host who worked as a writer on Win Ben Stein’s Money, the game show that featured Kimmel in a supporting role. She’s got a website that shows her to feel pretty good about herself, but that’s bound to change as Carolla will systematically grind her into powder on the air, trampling on any jokes she might throw out, and trumping her witty asides with his long-winded, monotonous stream-of-consciousness ‘comedy’ monologues.” In fact, most all of our mentions of Teresa cite her past, and as a result, bemoan her future.

(9) Actual line: "A dour Teresa Strasser, looking the worse for wear after months of battering by the execrable Adam Carolla on morning radio, literally got about three seconds of airtime near the end.”

(10) Inaccurate. False and strangely wrong. Our item, “Radio After Stern: Drowning Carolla grabs a woman” made no mention of CBS, CBS suits in New York or Teresa’s political leanings. It mentions Carolla’s (hanging up on) Ann Coulter stunt as a potential way to boost his own liberal credentials. But Teresa’s politics have not been mentioned on the site, ever.

(11) There was never a mention of powwows, executives, or “hiring a liberal” in the post. It appears some other suits led you into a trap, Teresa. Whose copy were you reading there?

Exclusive: Adam Carolla fans in a panic

Is Adam Carolla finally leaving morning radio? For once, the monotonous morning radio offender is keeping his trap shut, and the void is being filled by anguished squeals of panic from fans on his message board. Carolla's unusual absence from broadcasts this week— and the unprecedented decision to allow second banana Danny Bonaduce run the show with Carolla’s weepy, depressed newsgirl-- have fueled speculation that the self-proclaimed "genius" is playing a game of chicken with his CBS Radio overlords— a game, sources say, he is about to lose.

Carolla, formerly Jimmy Kimmel’s sidekick on the fake-macho Man Show and hero to the overweight, underlaid xenophobic woman-fearing fratboy crowd, was promoted heavily as a “genius” comedian when he was handed Howard Stern’s morning slot in LA and other west coast stations two years ago. But an amateurish, immature and grating presentation resulted in low ratings, and in January 2007, led CBS Radio bosses to yank creative control, fire his on-air staff, and install radio pro, former child star and tabloid figure Bonaduce as co-host.

Bonaduce’s presence, honesty and knack for generating publicity led to a ratings rise, while at the same time an on-air insult and cold shoulder campaign by Carolla and his female newsreader. We reported exclusively in October that Carolla was ready to walk away from the radio show to concentrate on more suitable pursuits and despite refutations from his fans, the story has apparently come to pass.

As speculation intensified this week and the insider site LA Radio.com reported on the possibility that Carolla is out, The Official Adam Carolla Show Message Board, run and censored by CBS Radio, is banning commenters who support Bonaduce or who link to news posts on sites like this one, while other commenters point to indications that Carolla himself is monitoring fan reaction and commenting under a pseudonym.

And today, with no official explanation from their leader, fans are in a real tizzy, as reflected in this post from Carolla fan “Jericho”:

OK people, enough talk. Time for action. It seems quite obvious to me that something is going down and Adam's fans need to show their support. Jack's bosses may or may not be checking out this message board, so we need to take the message straight to management. And don't think this effort would be in vain.

There was a similar situation with Loveline a few years back and it seems like us sploozers over at The Loveline Companion may have actually made a difference...

I'll summarize. Adam was in contract negotiations and many people from the Companion message board contacted the bigwigs at Westwood One and Adam got a raise and stayed with Loveline until he got the morning show. According to reliable sources, the support from the community had at least some influence on the contract extension.

So, I suggest the campaign begins. First, we start doing some research to find e-mail addresses and phone numbers of CBS radio management and post them here. Then everyone writes or phones with their respectful, intelligent support of Ace. If you slam anyone, give well thought out, coherent arguments about why you don't like them. Writing "Adam rulz!! Danny and Jack suck it!!!!" won't help. Put some thought into what you say/write…

Here's a list of e-mail addresses to start with. I think this may get you to some of the top dogs at CBS. Dan Mason is the President and CEO, apparently. E-mail him and cc the others. Hopefully some of you will add more people at CBS as well as sponsors…

(--NOTE: Email addresses omitted--)

Also, the physical address and phone number of corporate HQ:

CBS RADIO
1515 Broadway
New York, NY 10036
212-***-****

Act quickly. Time is of the essence.

Replied a commenter called "mr421":

DONE and DONE. i already got an auto-reply from one of the dudes saying he was not available.

Ironically, our own petition in support of Bonaduce helped convince CBS Radio bosses to keep him from ankling to Chicago, and give him the substantial salary boost and contract extension that has apparently led Carolla to see the writing on the wall.

Stay tuned.

(Carolla's show goes on an ill-advised hiatus beginning Monday. Live broadcasts, with on air staff TBA, won't resume until January 2nd. The Carolla staff massacre took place during last year's hiatus).

Is Carolla being aced out?

So what's up with radio suck king Adam Carolla?

We reported back in October that the radio suck king might soon be walking away from his despoiled morning show gig, and now, after the actions of the past couple of days, his fans are fearing the prediction's come to pass. Sez one:

"I think Adam has left the show and some suit came up with this Adam is sick angle to keep the Carolla fans listeneing, while they slowly hand the reins over to Danny. I also got the feeling that Norm McDonald might be the new co-host. The Danny & Norm show in January 2008 is what I predict."

The monotonal, droning morning man who wound up in the unenviable position of taking over for the late Howard Stern and then spent the next two years soiling the spot beyond repair hasn't been showing up to work the past couple of days, even missing out on his Stern-imitating awards show for the oxymoronically "best" moments of his show.

After Carolla apparently took time to cross the Writers Guild picket lines to appear as a guest this morning on the strike-breaking Carson Scably TV show, rumours and speculation have been running wild on the Carolla fans message board, with some seeing signs that Carolla may be leaving the show after all, and that second banana Danny Bonaduce, forced onto the show earlier this year, after Carolla's handpicked team failed miserably in 2006, will get the slot to himself as Tabloid Baby and fans of good radio have petitioned.

But considering that Carolla's Scably appearance was taped days ago, it's more likely he skipped work and handed the show to Bonaduce to duck the inevitable prank calls from WGA members.

Or did he do it to take the unwelcome competitor out of the picture? Ironically, Bonaduce, the quick-witted, colorful and very human show business veteran-- and sole bright spot on the dreary show-- seems to have slipped into a despairing funk in wake of his divorce, bizarre public appearances like his violent actions at the Fox Channel Reality Awards Show and constant undermining by Carolla and his cowering female protege.

Some message board fans suspect Carolla is leaving Bonaduce hanging, to allow the volatile performer to hang himself.

We'll see. The Carolla show is headed into another long hiatus. The last New Year's hiatus contained the surprise massacre of Carolla's staff and the hiring of Bonaduce. So stay tuned. The morning nightmare for Los Angeles and several other western regions may soon give way to light.

Carolla forced to partner with Danny Bonaduce!

It didn’t last a year, after all.

CBS has thrown a virtual hand grenade into The Adam Carolla Show, the grating, droning anti-radio program that replaced Howard Stern in LA and five other markets-- firing Carolla’s on-air sidekick and replacing him with the unpredictable, volatile and violent former child star and current reality TV subject, Danny Bonaduce.

The shake-up, coming weeks before the show's dreaded first-year anniversary, was long overdue, and we've been calling for it since we first got caught in a traffic jam with these dullards. Carolla’s show has literally been an anti-radio broadcast, full of dull, repetitive, droning monologues by Carolla and the abrasive, honking voice of comedy writer-cum-“sports personality” Dave Dameshek, who, along with Carolla's executive producer and an on-air character, was fired in the bloodbath.

Surviving the axe were Carolla and his female co-host, Teresa Strasser, who joined the show six months ago. As with Carolla and Dameschek, Strasser is part of the Jimmy Kimmel comedy circle. Kimmel, the lunkish host of a little-viewed ABC late night talk show, is the CBS stations’ radio comedy consultant, hired in the wake of Stern’s desertion, and the main reason Carolla and his aggressively bad show have remained on the air this long.

Bonaduce, a drug, alcohol and steroid-abusing timebomb, as exhibited on the reality series, Breaking Bonaduce does not promise the most obvious chemistry with Carolla and Strasser, who present themselves as cerebral comics, while wallowing in a puerile, offensive, sophomoric pool of dead air. But the explosive former child star does promise publicity and more likely, an explosion.

Turning the ego-flaunting Carolla into one-third of a morning zoo team places the show in line with several other FM radio shows in LA, feature two males—one wacky, one trying to keep order-- and a third-wheel females.

The original was Jamie Frosty & Frank on the competing 98.7, which lasted two years until Frosty & Frank were abruptly fired and replaced by Bonaduce.

Frosty and Frank teamed up with a woman named Heidi, and as “The Triplets” (right) now follow Carolla’s show on 97.1. Bonaduce was fired from 98.7 a year and a half ago because of those drug and alcohol problems. Jamie is now teamed with Jack and Stench. So now, LA has a trio of incestuous triplets: Frosty, Heidi & Frank, Jamie, Jack & Stench and Adam, Teresa & Danny.

Make that Danny, Adam & Terry.

See this as another indication that Howard Stern will soon be lured into syndicating or simulcasting portions of his satellite radio program on the newly-christened “free” FM.

Bonaduce may ankle Carolla show for Chicago!

Adam Carolla's crapulous LA morning radio show got a cattle prod up its flabby ass earlier this year when former child star and adult wild card Danny Bonaduce was forcibly injected into the mix. Carolla's show actually became listenable as Bonaduce brought some Howard Sternian (remember him?) reality and heart into what was otherwise dominated by Carolla's boring, repetitive, droning, know-nothing rants, ridicule of immigrants and "characters" like the Deaf Frat Guy.

But after Bonaduce brought the show to new levels of honesty and listenability in the days following the announcement of his impending divorce, the insecure Carolla and company clamped the lid on him, stuffed him back into the second banana cage and somehow have forced him since to play the often uninterested gravel-voiced support act to a Carolla dominance that's supported by his partner Jimmy Kimmel's contract as comedy consultant to the station group.

Now, Carolla may be left swinging in the breeze. Today's Chicago Sun-Times reports:

Don't be too surprised if the afternoon vacancy at classic rock WLUP-FM (97.9) remains open past the end of the year... Speculation is heating up that the Loop's leading candidate for the job is Danny Bonaduce, who's under contract through January as Adam Carolla's morning co-host on CBS Radio's KLSX-FM in Los Angeles. The former child star revived his career in the early '90s at the former WLUP-AM. That's where Bonaduce first worked with Jonathon Brandmeier, who now hosts mornings at the Loop...

Bad news for all!

Despite the inexplicable handjob administered to Carolla in the latest Los Angeles magazine, Carolla on his own will see ratings drop back to his Dave Damashek levels. Let's hope this news is an agent's negotiating tactic to get Bonaduce his own show in LA.

Send Carolla to Chicago. Danny Bonaduce belongs in Hollywood.

...a tip of the Tabloid Baby hat to Adrienne for the heads up...

Carolla, unfettered! Carolla, unlistenable!

We've had a chance to listen to the new -- read "old"-- Adam Carolla radio show a few times this week. We tuned in for about forty five minutes to an a hour at a time, between 8 am and 10 am-- as a matter of fact, we're listening right now (Carolla is "interviewing" "The Deaf Frat Guy," one of the show's time-killing "characters"). This is the third incarnation of the show that replaced Howard Stern in L.A. and some other markets, beginning the season last week without second banana Danny Bonaduce, who was imposed on the show last year, boosted the ratings considerably, and was ceremoniously edged out by a jealous Carolla in December.

Based on our listenings, this third season has been all Carolla, all the time, with no guests save his inhouse lugs and regular peeps and giggles from his servile "news girl," Teresa Strasser-- former plain jane "smartypants" TV hostess and John Fugelsang attachment who's now one of Harvey Levin's drab "co-hosts" on the whitewashed syndicated television show based on the corporate porn-pushing gossip site TMZ.com.

Carolla continues his anti-art of droning on about mundane subjects, rehashing old comedy bits and stretching what would could be a fifteen second thoughts into a fifteen minute monologues. On the mornings we've listened-- and as we're listening now-- he's droned on about subjects as exciting as fixing flat tires, lame Craig's List ads, Segways and homosexuals; solipistic audience-antagonizing ramblings that are broken only by the occasional ass-kissing of his mentor (and his radio network's "comedy" consultant), Jimmy Kimmel-- as in this morning's gushing appraisal of Kimmel's appearance last night on The Tonight Show:

"I thought Kimmel was excellent!"

Carolla's monotonal nasal bray is joined by his civilian football fan sidekicks and acolytes like "Brian," who were for the most part benched in the Bonaduce era, and fawning interjections by Strasser, who reads poorly-paced news items and chirps in trying to keep up with Carolla's alleged witticisms, like a dumb girlfriend or kid sister out to prove she's up on subjects she has no understanding of or interest in. It's sad to say, but "T" can't keep up. And it shows.

If ever a show needed the brash brilliance and entertaining diversions of the quick-witted Bonaduce-- anything to throw open the blinds and lift the show away from the lint-filled navel-gazing of a radio host who thinks the object of a four-hour radio show is to fill every available second with the sound of his own voice-- it's this one. Carolla is back to square one. He and his beerbong buddies have slammed the door on the outside world and cancellation is surely on the horizon.

A funny aside to all this: two Tabloid Baby contributors found themselves banned from the new, official Carolla Show message board earlier this week-- one for posting a link to a story on this site--the other for questioning the ban. When the first commenter (we'll call here "Goodie") emailed the site administrator to complain, the following, quite colorful, exchange took place:

Goodie: why did you suspend my account?

Adamcarollafan@gmail.com: We simply do not need you cluttering up the forum with ridiculous banter which ultimately is meant to get people to tabloid baby. It didn't work on the Official board, and it won't work here.

You're clearly not interested in discussing the show, rather you want to directly (or indirectly) link to tabloid baby.

Look, I realize you have a website to pimp - but rather than covertly doing it with links to the url, it would have been a bit slicker to actually add to ongoing discussions and build some trust/respect before slapping your site address in posts.

Anyways, if you showed any interest in actually talking about the show we wouldn't have a problem.

Goodie: who the f--- are you to say i cluttered the forum?

I WAS talking about the show.

I'm not pimping anything. I'm bringing up issues that people are talking about beyond the forums.

CLUTTER? With one post?

Ridiculous banter? Discussing Teresa Strasser's image problem?

F--- you .

The link I offered was a legitimate conversation point. You're the reason why the Carolla radio show will fail because you want to keep it all in your own little ass-licking clubhouse.

You're a toadie and a f---ing fool and have no respect for free speech, the exchange of ideas or the Internet. And watch who you call a pimp, because you're nothing more than a whore for Carolla.
What's your name?

Adamcarollafan@gmail.com: Interesting reaction. Level-headed, calm response to you being wrong'd. I like it.

You're right, I'm a whore for Carolla - nothing more, nothing less. I guess I should really whore it up and start a messageboard revolving around him and his show.

Anyways, think what you want about me/us being a whore or a toadie or whatever of me. I'm not into censoring stuff, hell it's one thing that bothered me about the Official board. Give you an awesome example, I hate Dave Dameshek. Well, not hate, but strongly dislike. I think he's obnoxious, loud, and unfunny. For whatever reason(s), he was removed from the show after 1 year. He has a lot of dedicated fans that post on this board -- and while I cannot understand their appreciation of him, I realize that they exist. We have a Dave Dameshek forum. And while I personally believe that Bonaduce is one of the worst personalities in the history of radio, we have a forum for him as well --- and would openly discuss him if he hadn't been removed from the show as well.

Your link would be a legit talking point if you were a member that randomly happened across a story on a quality site - rather, you posted to simply to link to your site (after condemning the messageboard) then continued the discussion "naively").

In any case, thank you for well thought out response, I appreciate the time you took to compose it.

Goodie: f--- you you sophomoric little putz. I never condemned the message board. and its not MY SITE. I added to a thread about teresa strasser. you say youre "not into censoring stuff" yet you censor two comments on a little read thread and then cancel my account? f--- you. are you the same fool who shut down the original board? And what's your name, you nazi f---?

AdamCarollaFan@gmail com: Again, thank you for your reply.

No, not the same guy that shut down the Official board, but thanks for giving me the credit.

Anyways, sorry that we're losing such a quality contributor. But, it's a war out there and you're bound to lose some good men in the heat of battle.

Sig Heil.

We emailed AdamCarollaFan@gmail.com asking them to explain the ban and confirm the exchange. They denied sending the replies, expressed surprise at the banishments and claimed they'd been "hacked."

Carolla fans weren't careful what they wished for...

With word that radio droner Adam Carolla has wrested-- and wrestled-- back control of his morning Los Angeles radio show, Carolla's core group of male fans is literally giddy with a homoerotic glee not seen since the N'Sync farewell tour.

Fan boys and dumb jocks alike have been spreading their wet tears and slobber across the new UN-Official Adam Carolla Show Message Board that they quickly set up to swap spit in their private he-man woman hater's club after-- as we reported exclusively-- CBS Radio suits stupidly shut down the official message board earlier this week because of all the negative comments posted by Carolla boytoys who were worried their hero was about to lose his show to Danny Bonaduce, the former child star and radio veteran who was hired to save the show a year ago.

And here's why Carolla's tantrum
and backstage manipulations
against his cohost
backfired...

Bonaduce's presence in the morning mix is what injected a jolt of real-life vitality that opened it up beyond the small-minded, anti-intellectual, immigrant-hating, woman-fearing, fake macho, blustering blockhead know-it-all hole that Carolla mines-- and did indeed raise ratings and make the show a viable, if tail-dragging morning show.

It was Bonaduce, after all, who was most in demand in 2007, with offers to host a show in Chicago, as well as working more television gigs that will earn him millions.

Carolla's meanspiritness in the past months and his bullying backstabbing of Bonaduce is reflected in the humourless braying of his fanboys, who, as their reaction to these posts can attest, wouldn't know a joke if it bit them on their cottage cheese asses.

It also bodes ill for Carolla's radio future.  While he managed to move his competition to another timeslot, his survival has more to do with his connections to comedy star Jimmy Kimmel and Kimmel's consulting deals with the CBS Radio Group than his own prospects.   Without Bonaduce, and left to his own devices, the Ace Hole is bound to beat the same dead horses morning after morning, to the approving chuckles of his in-studio mopes and his listless, obedient fifties-style "news girl," and be out on his own ass by next December.

Unfortunately, it's looking like the joke is on Carolla's boypen.

Update: Carolla says it's him or Bonaduce

Our wish that Danny Bonaduce be handed the radio slot he now supports under subpar superbore Adam Carolla may be coming true, after all. Industry insider site LA Radio.com reports in its subscription newsletter this morning that Carolla's sickout this week is believed to be a game of chicken in which he's telling his bosses it's a choice between him and the volatile former child star.

The power play may not be the best move for the lowbrow beetle-browed Jimmy Kimmel lieutenant. While Carolla continues to feel his way around the radio game two years after he was handed Howard Stern's morning slot in Los Angeles and a few other cities, Bonaduce's forced arrival eleven months ago has increased ratings while his performance as an unwanted outsider second banana, with his brutal honesty, unleashed id, personal drama and ability to win publicity for himself and the show, has established himself as radio's true and sole heir to the late Stern (while placing him in demand to host his own show elsewhere).

LA Radio.com reports:

Carolla a Go Go

KLSX morning man Adam Carolla has been on sick leave the last few mornings. There is speculation from a number of sources there is a showdown between Adam and management concerning co-host Danny Bonaduce. One source said that Adam was holding out until Danny is gone. “This is news to me,” said KLSX pd Jack Silver. For the past couple of mornings Adam has been a no-show claiming to be sick, but was well enough to be on Dr. Drew Pinsky’s KGIL show on Tuesday for almost an hour.

“I have to take Adam’s word,” said Silver. “When an employee says he's sick, short of going to his house with a doctor, I have to take him on his word.”

The dilemma for management is the fact that the KLSX morning show has been on a steady rise since Danny signed on a year ago. If there is a conflict, will Adam and Danny be able to patch things up? We won’t know until next year because Adam begins his holiday break tomorrow.

In introducing a segment about comfortability in the workplace, Danny offered the following one morning this week: "I've been kidding around the last few days why I hate Adam Carolla, but now it doesn't seem nearly as funny because the poor man is sick. If I know Carolla like I believe I do, to miss work he is very, very ill. So let me rephrase, I don't hate Carolla at all. I admire him greatly, but the man is so quirky and he has put such a spell on certain things you can and cannot feel comfortable about doing at your own workplace."

(A tip of the Tabloid Baby hat to the Carolla show fanboys for keeping us posted.)

Exclusive! Is Adam Carolla ready to quit radio?

In its recent sloppy servicing of putative radio personality Adam Carolla ("L.A.'s most provocative radio host?" Calling Phil Hendrie and Johnny Wendell...), Los Angeles magazine notes that the ratings for the execrable Adam Carolla Radio Show's "are below those earned by KROQ’s Kevin and Bean, KIIS-FM’s Ryan Seacrest, and KLOS’s Mark and Brian. This summer Carolla lost stations in Phoenix and San Diego. Nevertheless, KLSX vice president of programming Jack Silver remains a believer. 'Los Angeles is all that matters” he says, 'and Adam is making strides here. It takes time to build an audience. Adam is running a marathon, and we’re there with him.' In the fall the station plans to extend Carolla’s contract at $2 million a year..."

But is Carolla ready to drop out of the marathon? At a time when the undereducated blowhard and and his battered female sidekick Teresa Strasser are mounting a too-obvious push to dump second banana Danny Bonaduce-- a juiced Stanley Siegel-Howard Stern-Tom Leykis combination whose raw-nerve honesty and broadcast smarts have him perched on the ledge of radio greatness-- we hear on great authority from a Carolla colleague that he may soon walk away from the embarrassing foray into morning radio.

This source is not connected with the radio show, but with other projects Carolla is very keen on. Carolla is said to be less than enthused about the radio gig and considering the option of moving on. With a movie in the can and partner Jimmy Kimmel offering new lucrative TV projects that don't require getting up in the middle of the night for what must be an unsatisfying gig boring thousands from a dingy studio, Carolla could do us all a favor by taking his leave and handing the show over to Danny.

Our bet is that the two million dollars-- two million dollars? Can you believe that?-- will convince him to stay put with his second-rate Gene Scott act.

But no bullshit, Carollaheads, the story is true!

Deliver us from Adam Carolla

Who would you rather share a cross-country car trip with? The know-it-all beetlebrowed guy who wears a t-shirt under his buttoned-up oxford shirt and always recites the same comedy bits in a droning monotone? Or the nasal, braying “sports guy” with the annoying Midwestern accent who kisses beetlebrow’s ass and is always yelling and running the same dumb jokes into the ground? It’s a hypothetical question. There’s no wrong answer. And if you listen to Adam Carolla, the intellectual lunkhead comedian who took over for Howard Stern in Los Angeles and other markets, you know the answer anyway.

Radio in wake of Howard has been a vast wastland, indeed. Who’d have thought that Stern would disappear from the public consciousness so quickly? It’s like he’s dead, reanimating every once in a while (a lot more frequently than when he was a fixture) with a publicity stunt like the CBS lawsuit or revelations about his plastic surgery, then retreating. Whither Robin, Bababooey and Artie? Sad.

Sadder still is what’s left behind. A lot of attention has been leveled on poor David Lee Roth struggling to replace Stern in NYC, but the real shame is what’s going on in L.A. Carolla has experience on radio with that Loveline sex talk show, and as a comedy producer with his cohort (and consultant) Jimmy Kimmel. So it's especially disappointing to find how unlistenable this guy is once you remove the discussions of genital warts.

In Howard’s day, a visit to the show by another comedian, from Gilbert to Belzer to Brenner to Schimmel, promised comic gold that would make you drive around the block to hear more before heading into the office. Carolla, of course, is inexperienced and insecure, so comedy guests from Dane Cook to Kevin Nealon are left to chuckle and answer in monosyllables while Carolla butts in and launches into his memorized riffs. (In January, the day before his show debuted, the station ran hours of his monologues as a preview. Little did we know he'd recycle them word for word, over and over.) Soon, they’re itching to leave the studio, which is one reason Carolla's forced to fill hours of airtime with unfunny “characters” like the Deaf Frat Guy, the Republican Congressman and the Wacked-Out Rockers, or ridiculing the speech of a punch-addled boxer or poor immigrant worker named Ozzie by having them read scripts and laughing at how they pronounce the words.

One bright spot is a gal named Rachel Perry, who does the Robin Quivers bit and reads the news. She’s young. She’s bright. And she’s occasionally funny. So Carolla wedges her into regularly-scheduled two-minute bits followed immediately by his sportsguy, and when she tells a joke, Carolla jumps in and squashes her with one of his memorized bits. On the show's website, they have her pictured wearing a dog leash. (We found an easily-viewable collection of the photos here).

Ah, enough about Carolla. He’ll soon be gone, back to creating junk shows on Comedy Central.

Another bright spot, because we're always seeking them: Carolla has literally driven us away, leading us to try other stations, and that led to a recent surprise from Dicky Barrett (coincidentally the announcer on Jimmy Kimmel’s ABC TV show), who does the “Mighty Morning Show” on the supposedly hip Indie 103.1. Dicky always plays good music, and for a while he was featuring commentary from Tabloid Baby pal and rising talk radio star Johnny Wendell. When we tuned in last week, Dicky was interviewing, seriously, a female DJ in South Dakota about the state’s new law banning abortions.

It was smart. He was good. Later, he was funny.

That day, the station fired him!

It’s like a big conspiracy to force us to subscribe to Sirius.

At least we have Paul Harvey, the greatest writer in any medium. We have to make do in short bursts, but we await them eagerly.

Carolla muzzles Bonaduce

We'll go out on a limb and say that Danny Bonaduce isn't long for the Adam Carolla radio show.

The volatile former child actor and reality TV subject was added into the broadcast earlier this year after Carolla had spent 2006 droning and wasting hours of formerly valuable airtime formerly ruled by Howard Stern in Los Angeles and a few other cities. Bonaduce, for all his steroidal and chemical-testosterone-enhanced aggression, brought an unexpected blast of reality, comedy and professionalism to the sho w, which had previously been filled with Carolla's monotonal and repetitive rants, misogynist tirades and long dead-air skits with "characters" like the notoriously unfunny "Deaf Frat Guy.'

And after the announcing that his wife would be filing for divorce in April, Bonaduce began to run rampant, causing real human sparks with third wheel Theresa Strasser, and effectively stealing the show from Carolla. Bonaduce was so unexpectedly good that we were led to write last month:

Strange but true and you read it here first: Danny Bonaduce is on the verge of becoming the new Howard Stern.

Well wouldn't you know it.

Carolla and his people have obviously lowered the boom on Bonaduce. In the days after our Stern comparison spread across the internet, Carolla began filling the show with comedian pals, and Bonaduce slid back into a supporting role. In the past days, Bonaduce has been announcing the fact that he is a "sidekick," repeating that he's a suppporting player, part of the Adam Carolla Show team, and not the star of the show.

Carolla, meanwhile, has amped up his stream-of-consciousness observational drones. Now it's about him again. His insecurity is pathetic. His talent is negligible. He's bringing down his own show.

Bonaduce's talent, his combination of macho dumbness, bookreading knowledge and quick-witted middlebrow wit makes him ripe for a show of his own.

(And by the way, whatever did happen to Howard Stern? He's not part of the public discussion any more, is he?)

PETITION: KEEP BONADUCE ON L.A. RADIO!

We reported last month that Los Angeles radio personality Danny Bonaduce might be leaving his role on the execrable Adam Carolla Radio Show for an afternoon gig at WLUP radio in Chicago. Though reports last week state he’ll be staying with the Carolla show in LA, insiders tell us his future here is still up in the air (he could host the Chicago show from an LA studio, just as Jonathon Brandmeier once hosted KLSX's show from Chicago)-- and fans on the Carolla message board note that Carolla and his battered radio wife Teresa Strasser have openly marginalized Bonaduce even further lately.

At their request, we’ve started the following petition:

Dear CBS Radio bosses:

Please do not allow Danny Bonaduce to leave the Adam Carolla Radio Show and Los Angeles and take a job in Chicago!

Danny is the sole ray of light in an extended dark morning, and the one brighting shining hope for talk radio since Howard Stern left the business almost two years ago.

Danny's personal history and experience in Hollywood have only added to his character and personality. His ability to cut through radio artifice and speak straight from the heart about his personal troubles, from his addictions to failed marriage, not only inspire thousands of listeners but make for compelling, appointment radio (much more so than Carolla’s latest regurgitated “rant” about traffic signal lights).

Danny Bonaduce is a great radio personality who follows in the tradition— and combines the best-- of Jean Shepherd, Garrison Keillor, Michael Savage and Howard Stern himself. And, as his on-air treatment by Carolla indicates, he is more than ready to take over your KLSX morning radio slot on his own.

If the competition in Chicago is really so hard-up to fill a hosting slot, please offer Adam Carolla instead (and give Danny the KLSX morning slot). They can save transportation costs by letting Carolla do the show from a studio or his home in LA, as Jonathon Brandmeier used to do.

Also, please give Danny the Frosty Heidi and Frank slot. Now.

Sincerely,


______________
A KLSX Listener

Print this post, cut out the petition and mail it to

DAN MASON
President and CEO
CBS Radio
1515 Broadway
New York, NY 10036

Or cut and paste it to the CBS Radio comments page here.

Or post your comments here and we’ll pass them on.