Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Sarah Palin: The photo or video is out there

All right, where did we leave off? Evangelical Christian Right-to-Life patriot Sarah Palin gave birth to her first son eight months after her marriage; was a member of an Alaskan secessionist party; has lawyered up under investigation in an ethics scandal; and will probably get a pass on the question of whether she faked her most recent pregnancy because everyone feels sorry for her daughter--

Let's cut to the chase here!

We realize that today's "mainstream" reporter has more pressing concerns besides the pursuit of a great story and getting to the bottom of a scandal, but let's go back to square one with Sarah Palin and point to where some of our tabloid friends are already looking right now:

1 Sarah Palin and her husband are from suburban Anchorage, Alaska. There are three things folks, even conservative Christian types, do in Alaska: Drink, screw and swing. (Her husband was nailed on the first count, her daughter on the second-- the third...)

Sarah Palin is a former television sports reporter.

Sarah Palin was a contestant in the 1984 Miss Wasilla and Miss Alaska beauty pageants.

What do each of these three indicate?

There are photos.

There is videotape.

In every great tabloid scandal of the past twenty years, there have been photos and there has been videotape-- especially stories that unfold in suburban hotbeds where state trooper brother-in-laws threaten to kill the whole family.

(Shirt: "I may be broke but I'm not flat busted.")
It is inevitable that a picture will surface that is far more embarrassing than Todd Palin's drunk driving arrest 22 years ago. The photo or video may date back that far. Or farther. But even if the slow-moving GOP vetting squad sends out the Cleaners, a picture will surface. And because of the hypocrisy that the Republicans flaunt and we journos love to tweak, Sarah will return to her outpost and grandson-- er, son.

We were going to tell the story about arriving in Wasilla, Alaska, the town that Sarah would preside over as mayor, to shoot an interview with a housewife named Crystal. in 1997. Crystal and her husband lived in a nice split level at the end of a cul de sac. She wore a pink angora sweater. Bill Bennett's Book of Virtues was on the table next to her, framed in the shot. Crystal was a stripper and former meth addict. But forget that story (find it on page 455 of Tabloid Baby). Just find the tape!

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