Carolla stunt backfires! Cohost Danny Bonaduce gets his own radio show while Carolla is forced to fend for himself in the mornings...

Pouting radio boremeister Adam Carolla's sickout last week from his morning radio show heard in Los Angeles and other markets on the west coast has backfired as his professional cohost Danny Bonaduce has been cut loose from the second banana role and elevated to own afternoon radio show.

Bonaduce's forced entry onto the Carolla team a year ago led to blossoming ratings, new energy and unprecedented relevance for the struggling monotonous replacement for Howard Stern's broadcast. But despite the intelligence and wit Bonaduce brought to the proceedings, Carolla's jealousy has been evident on air in recent months, especially after Bonaduce began to receive rave reviews for his raw-nerved honesty in wake of his divorce, new television deals and public controversy that only raised his own profile while dragging the show along behind him. Last week, Carolla "called in sick," hoping to force his bosses to return creative control and to boost his salary, as they had rewarded Bonaduce.

As a result, the CBS Radio suits showed they've been watching this space, and have done what we'd asked them to do in October-- they've given Bonaduce his own afternoon show, stealing an hour from the mirthless laughfest of Frosty, Heidi and Frank.

Carolla will get one last chance on his own, along with a subservient female "newsreader" and sexual punching bag who also works for the television show based on the corporate porn-pushing gossip site TMZ.com. While Carolla's firt season was filled with a cast of lowbrow braying buddies and concocted "characters," we'll bet he will again be saddled with a bright professional radio sidekick.

The news release arrived this morning:

CBS RADIO PRESS ROOM

December 21, 2007

CBS RADIO RENEWS "THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW"

Weekday Morning Program Broadcast On Several CBS RADIO Stations Earning Its Best Ratings Ever

Featured Contributor Danny Bonaduce To Host His Own Afternoon Radio Program On KLSX-FM

On the heels of its outstanding summer ratings, CBS RADIO delivered more good news for Adam Carolla. The Company announced today it has signed a multi-year contract extension with Adam that positions the funny-man solidly in the highly competitive Los Angeles market for years to come.

THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW can be heard on its flagship station, 97.1 KLSX-FM, weekday mornings from 6:00-10:00AM, PT, and can also be found on KUFO-FM in Portland and KXTE-FM in Las Vegas. In addition, the show is simulcast on www.adamcarolla.com, as well as the websites of KLSX (www.971freefm.com), KUFO (www.kufo.com), and KXTE (www.xtremeradio.com). THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW is also syndicated through Westwood One in several major markets, including Seattle, Sacramento and Fresno, among others.

“Two years ago morning radio went through a seismic change, one that granted Adam Carolla the opportunity to launch his own unique style of entertainment in a coveted time slot,” said Chris Oliviero, Vice President of Programming, CBS RADIO. “THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW has far exceeded our expectations and proven to be a listener favorite. We are thrilled to continue our relationship with Adam, and anticipate even more success for the program in the years to come.”

“I'm incredibly excited to continue my relationship with the fine folks at CBS RADIO,” said Carolla. “Launching a new show is never an easy task, but I feel like the past two years have laid the cement foundation and I'm now ready to throw the house warming party. I'm looking forward to returning to work on January 2, just not at 5:30 in the morning.”

The Adam Carolla Show began broadcasting in January 2005 and has steadily gained listeners to become one of the top shows among its target demographic of Men 25-54. According to Arbitron’s summer ratings, The Adam Carolla Show had its highest morning drive numbers in Los Angeles since the shows debut, and ranked in the top five with Men 18-34 and Men 25-54 General Market. Additionally, the program has gained a loyal following among female listeners.

In a related announcement, contributing show member Danny Bonaduce will relinquish his role on THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW and begin hosting his own program on KLSX. Positioned between the highly rated Frosty, Heidi & Frank Show (10:00AM-2:00PM) and industry icon Tom Leykis’ program (3:00-8:00PM), BROADCASTING BONADUCE: THE DANNY BONADUCE SHOW will premiere Wednesday, Jan. 2, 2008 on-air and online from 2:00-3:00PM, PT. Teresa Strasser will continue to contribute to the station’s morning drive program with Adam Carolla.

“This announcement will maximize Danny’s exposure on the station and the web where he has a national following. He has brought much excitement and entertainment to THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW and we expect him to bring the same enthusiasm to the afternoon time slot,” said Jack Silver, Vice President of Programming, KLSX.

* * *

CBS Radio removes Carolla's message board

The very active Adam Carolla Radio Show message board-- a shrine for fawning Carolla worshippers and gathering place for haters of sidekick Danny Bonaduce-- has apparently been disabled by its sponsors at CBS Radio (and so is the link that was on the Carolla show website). Is this a sign that Carolla is gone, after all?

If the LA Times is going to criticize reality television writers and producers, it should at least know the correct definition of "frankenbite"

Scott Collins has a piece in today’s Los Angeles Times Calendar section about the Writers Guild Strike and reality show writers and is in danger of creating a misleading factoid as he unfortunately gives the wrong definition for a production term that’s central to his thesis and occasionally "snarky" condemnation of the professionals who write and produce popular reality television shows:

…” Many of these programs are ‘written’ in the editing room by ‘story producers’ who string together hours of footage into some sort of recognizable narrative, frequently with little regard for, um, reality. Supposedly spontaneous events are staged or restaged, chronologies adjusted. Editors routinely use ‘frankenbites,’ out-of-context quotes that illustrate points the speakers never intended to make…

“…Don't count on the guild negotiators going to the mat for folks who frankenbite.”

Frankenbite. Collins and his editors got the definition of “Frankenbite” wrong.

A Frankenbite is not an out-of-context quote. It’s a line of audio that is cobbled, stitched and patched together with words and phrases from different unrelated sentences. Just as Frankenstein was assembled from parts of different bodies.

Like this:

“The newspaper (edit) needs to (edit) make a (edit) correction (edit) before its mistake (edit) spreads and (edit) be (edit) comes (edit) a factoid.”

While “out-of-context quotes that illustrate points the speakers never intended to make” are simply dishonest, the Frankenbite is an acceptable tool-- and its use is not restricted to those big bad “reality” shows. Frankenbites have been used for years in newsmagazines, news reports, documentaries, TV specials-- anywhere a producer, editor and an interview subject who couldn’t make a concise point can be found.

The LA Times fact checker could have Googled “frankenbite” to find entries like Kevin Arnovitz’s Virtual Dictionary at Slate:

Frankenbite (n): An edited reality show snippet, most often found in contestant testimonials, that splices together several disparate strands of an interview, or even multiple interviews, into a single clip.

Church's Danny Boy fiasco insults 9/11 heroes

We found out the hard way this week that the Roman Catholic Church has banned the song "Danny Boy" from funerals. Is that an outrage or what? Ask any Irish Catholic, who grew up with Danny Boy as a sacred anthem, or who remember it being played at the funeral of President John Fitzgerald Kennedy. And we've found that the arrogant, arbitrary and cruel ruling by the National Council of Bishops that's followed blindly by paedophile-protecting bishops and cardinals in shrinking and money-starved dioceses is even more of a slap in the face to the faithful than what we'd felt: the decision came down sometime around September 11th, 2001, as this Associated Press article reveals:

Diocese says 'Danny Boy'
not appropriate at Mass

By BRIAN CAROVILLANO
Oct. 24, 2001

PROVIDENCE, Rhode Island (AP) The ballad Danny Boy has long been played at funerals, wakes and memorial services, its mournful strains conjuring up images of Ireland's green pastures and wind-swept hills. New York Fire Chief Peter Ganci, killed in the World Trade Center attack, actor Carroll O'Connor and John F. Kennedy Jr. all were laid to rest with the plaintive melody.

So when the Roman Catholic Diocese of Providence banned Danny Boy and other secular songs from funeral Masses, it raised the ire of Irish-Americans. "I want Danny Boy sung at my funeral Mass and, if it isn't, I'm going to get up and walk out," retired Pawtucket police officer Charlie McKenna wrote in April to The Providence Visitor.

The weekly diocesan newspaper got dozens of letters, some from as far away as California, urging Bishop Robert E. Mulvee to reverse his decision -- at least when it came to Danny Boy. So far, he hasn't.

"The controversy took on a life of its own," said the Rev. Bernard A. Healey, theological consultant to the Visitor. "I don't blame people, but really it's a lack of understanding of what a funeral Mass is supposed to be. It's about their connection with Jesus Christ and the church, not their connection with the Emerald Isle."

Other bishops have left the question of funeral music up to parish priests.

The Archdiocese of New York, which has buried scores of police officers and firefighters since Sept. 11, often playing Danny Boy at the service, usually discourages the use of secular music during Mass. "All music played at church services should be liturgically appropriate music," said Joe Zwilling, a spokesman for the archdiocese. "But we don't have a policy about any one song, or a list of songs that can't be used."

Besides lacking the appropriate piety, the song itself can counter what funeral services are supposed to accomplish, Healey said. "Part of what I do at a funeral Mass is try to lift people's spirits," he said. "But the song is emotionally manipulative. Everything I've spent the last hour working toward is gone within two minutes because everyone is reduced to tears."

Despite its popularity among Irish-Americans, the song's lyrics were actually penned by an Englishman, Frederick Edward Weatherly, in 1913, and set to the tune of the 17th century Irish folk song, Londonderry Aire. Danny Boy tells the tale of an Irish lad called to military duty by the sound of distant bagpipes, and a loved one who promises to wait for him. '"Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow / Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so," go the wistful lyrics.

The tune has long been cherished by police officers and firefighters, who identify with its message, McKenna said. "Danny's answering a call, and it's uncertain whether he's going to return or not," he said. "If you think about it, a policeman and a fireman, they do the same thing. What happened in New York is a perfect example." Also, fire and police departments have historically been dominated by Irishmen, another reason why Danny Boy is often blown on the bagpipes during ceremonies for fallen officers.

Tom Deignan, a columnist for the New York-based Irish Voice newspaper, wrote about the controversy in July and was inundated with letters from across the country. Some readers circulated a pro-Danny Boy petition that they intend to present to Mulvee.

"Ninety-nine percent were saying it was ridiculous," Deignan said. "Just to judge from the reaction we got, it's clear that song means a lot to a lot of people."

The song has been played at many funerals connected to the World Trade Center attacks, he said, often by the New York Police Department's Emerald Society bagpipers.

"The Irish community was hit particularly hard by the tragedy," Deignan said.

Back in Providence, Mulvee's decision may be unpopular, but he's on solid ground from the church's perspective. Church documents plainly advise that popular ballads be excluded from Mass, said David Early, a spokesman for the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops.

"These kinds of songs should clearly be avoided," Early said. "But it's not a matter of church doctrine. It's a pastoral decision left to the interpretation of the local bishop."

No other American church leader appears to have taken as strong a stand on the issue as Mulvee.

"If you allow Danny Boy, then you open all kinds of other questions about what should and shouldn't be allowed," said Healey, who personally has rejected requests to have Frank Sinatra's My Way, John Denver's Annie's Song, and Bette Midler's Wind Beneath My Wings, played at funerals.

The diocese formed a committee to look at the infiltration of secular music, Healey said, and the group intends to send a letter by the end of the year to parishes detailing what is acceptable during Mass.

One alternative has been to play the song for other parts of the funeral rites, such as at the wake or during a procession. Some church music directors are using a version of the song with lyrics from the hymn In Paradisum with the music from Danny Boy.

But even Healey admits that priests can only be so insistent with a family mourning the death of their beloved. "I'm not going to fight with the family over Danny Boy," he said. "And with the tragedy the scope of what happened in New York, I can't fault any priest who's allowed it to be played in their church."

Exclusive: Adam Carolla fans in a panic

Is Adam Carolla finally leaving morning radio? For once, the monotonous morning radio offender is keeping his trap shut, and the void is being filled by anguished squeals of panic from fans on his message board. Carolla's unusual absence from broadcasts this week— and the unprecedented decision to allow second banana Danny Bonaduce run the show with Carolla’s weepy, depressed newsgirl-- have fueled speculation that the self-proclaimed "genius" is playing a game of chicken with his CBS Radio overlords— a game, sources say, he is about to lose.

Carolla, formerly Jimmy Kimmel’s sidekick on the fake-macho Man Show and hero to the overweight, underlaid xenophobic woman-fearing fratboy crowd, was promoted heavily as a “genius” comedian when he was handed Howard Stern’s morning slot in LA and other west coast stations two years ago. But an amateurish, immature and grating presentation resulted in low ratings, and in January 2007, led CBS Radio bosses to yank creative control, fire his on-air staff, and install radio pro, former child star and tabloid figure Bonaduce as co-host.

Bonaduce’s presence, honesty and knack for generating publicity led to a ratings rise, while at the same time an on-air insult and cold shoulder campaign by Carolla and his female newsreader. We reported exclusively in October that Carolla was ready to walk away from the radio show to concentrate on more suitable pursuits and despite refutations from his fans, the story has apparently come to pass.

As speculation intensified this week and the insider site LA Radio.com reported on the possibility that Carolla is out, The Official Adam Carolla Show Message Board, run and censored by CBS Radio, is banning commenters who support Bonaduce or who link to news posts on sites like this one, while other commenters point to indications that Carolla himself is monitoring fan reaction and commenting under a pseudonym.

And today, with no official explanation from their leader, fans are in a real tizzy, as reflected in this post from Carolla fan “Jericho”:

OK people, enough talk. Time for action. It seems quite obvious to me that something is going down and Adam's fans need to show their support. Jack's bosses may or may not be checking out this message board, so we need to take the message straight to management. And don't think this effort would be in vain.

There was a similar situation with Loveline a few years back and it seems like us sploozers over at The Loveline Companion may have actually made a difference...

I'll summarize. Adam was in contract negotiations and many people from the Companion message board contacted the bigwigs at Westwood One and Adam got a raise and stayed with Loveline until he got the morning show. According to reliable sources, the support from the community had at least some influence on the contract extension.

So, I suggest the campaign begins. First, we start doing some research to find e-mail addresses and phone numbers of CBS radio management and post them here. Then everyone writes or phones with their respectful, intelligent support of Ace. If you slam anyone, give well thought out, coherent arguments about why you don't like them. Writing "Adam rulz!! Danny and Jack suck it!!!!" won't help. Put some thought into what you say/write…

Here's a list of e-mail addresses to start with. I think this may get you to some of the top dogs at CBS. Dan Mason is the President and CEO, apparently. E-mail him and cc the others. Hopefully some of you will add more people at CBS as well as sponsors…

(--NOTE: Email addresses omitted--)

Also, the physical address and phone number of corporate HQ:

CBS RADIO
1515 Broadway
New York, NY 10036
212-***-****

Act quickly. Time is of the essence.

Replied a commenter called "mr421":

DONE and DONE. i already got an auto-reply from one of the dudes saying he was not available.

Ironically, our own petition in support of Bonaduce helped convince CBS Radio bosses to keep him from ankling to Chicago, and give him the substantial salary boost and contract extension that has apparently led Carolla to see the writing on the wall.

Stay tuned.

(Carolla's show goes on an ill-advised hiatus beginning Monday. Live broadcasts, with on air staff TBA, won't resume until January 2nd. The Carolla staff massacre took place during last year's hiatus).

Column: Dr. Ruehl's Realm of Bizarre News

No one is better at scouring the world's media, from the tabloids to the medical journals, to find the weirdest and wildest true stories of the week, than Tabloid Baby pal and contributor Dr. Franklin Ruehl, Ph.D.  Now, in his weekly column that we began running last week, the good doctor  explores...

This Week's
"Realm of Bizarre News"
Top 13

* In order to conserve diesel fuel, a crematorium in Hunan, China has been dumping half-burned cadavers into ditches along the road. Locals were alerted to the practice by the unbearable fetidity being emitted by the body parts which were placed in plastic bags!

* During a spat, a wife in Nicholson, GA knocked her hubby unconscious when she threw a potato at him, striking his nose! As an alternative, I strongly recommend driving straws into a potato rather than throwing them, such as seen on the following video: this video.

* Hedgehogs are suffering a rash of broken bones in England due to unseasonably warm weather, keeping them active when they normally would be hibernating. Many are being treated at the Tiggywinkles Animal Wildlife Hospital in Buckinghamshire where their injured paws are covered with booties.

(Trivia Q:The hedgehog is the European cousin of which American critter? Answer below...)

* A phantom voice told aspiring baseball player Billy Ray Cyrus to trade in his catcher's mitt for a guitar! He heeded the paranormal advice and the rest is music history!

* A despondent tigress, whose own cubs died, is nursing a quintet of piglets covered in tiger-skin coats at the Sriracha Tiger Zoo in Thailand. Amazingly, it is common in Thailand for tigers to nurse pigs and for sows to adopt motherless tiger cubs!

* Two window washers, brothers, fell 47 stories as they were getting onto their scaffolding at a New York City high-rise apartment building. One died while the other, miraculously, survived!

* Surprise! Kangaroo flatulence is eco-friendly! Roo stomachs contain a special bacteria that eliminates the potent greenhouse gas methane that cows and sheep normally emit. The goal is now to introduce that bacteria into bovines and ovines, and slash global warming!

* The longest-living artificial heart recipient has died at age 66. Peter Houghton of Birmingham, England received the device in June of 2000. He succumbed to multiple organ failure, but could not be declared dead until the battery in his heart, which was still beating, was disconnected!

* Marijuana farm consisting of 30 cannabis plants was discovered at a nunnery in Filiro, Greece! Two men posing as gardeners had been cultivating the plants, unbeknownst to the sisters.

* Meow! Wild Oats, a feral cat in Bartlett, Tennessee was running around for 19 days with her head stuck in a peanut butter jar, preventing her from eating. Finally, the family that had been feeding the starving feline caught her with a fishing net and extricated her head from the jar! Meow!

* A Syracuse, NY dentist began dancing to the song "Car Wash" as he was drilling a woman's tooth, his antics caused the drill to snap, with part lodging near her eye! She underwent 3 hours of emergency surgery and is now suing for $600,000!

* After having difficulty understanding the proceedings in court, death mute couple in Tianjin, China, used text messaging coordinated by a judge to carry out their divorce, believed to represent a first!

* Congrats! Ming the clam is the world's oldest living animal, estimated to be between 405 and 410 years old! He was recently caught off of the Icelandic coast. His age was ascertained by counting the rings on his shell!

(Trivia answer: The porcupine is the hedgehog's American cousin!)

I can present these and other intriguing reports (which can be fleshed out in more detail if needed) for you in a dynamic new 1-5 minute feature (or even 30-second microfeaturette) that can run daily, tri-weekly, or weekly on any of your existing productions, or stand unto itself as a separate 30-minute weekly entity! I am currently host of the cable TV series, Mysteries From Beyond The Other Dominion.

Click here to see my demo reel.

May the Power of the Cosmos be with You!

Dr. Franklin Ruehl, Ph.D.

Update: Carolla says it's him or Bonaduce

Our wish that Danny Bonaduce be handed the radio slot he now supports under subpar superbore Adam Carolla may be coming true, after all. Industry insider site LA Radio.com reports in its subscription newsletter this morning that Carolla's sickout this week is believed to be a game of chicken in which he's telling his bosses it's a choice between him and the volatile former child star.

The power play may not be the best move for the lowbrow beetle-browed Jimmy Kimmel lieutenant. While Carolla continues to feel his way around the radio game two years after he was handed Howard Stern's morning slot in Los Angeles and a few other cities, Bonaduce's forced arrival eleven months ago has increased ratings while his performance as an unwanted outsider second banana, with his brutal honesty, unleashed id, personal drama and ability to win publicity for himself and the show, has established himself as radio's true and sole heir to the late Stern (while placing him in demand to host his own show elsewhere).

LA Radio.com reports:

Carolla a Go Go

KLSX morning man Adam Carolla has been on sick leave the last few mornings. There is speculation from a number of sources there is a showdown between Adam and management concerning co-host Danny Bonaduce. One source said that Adam was holding out until Danny is gone. “This is news to me,” said KLSX pd Jack Silver. For the past couple of mornings Adam has been a no-show claiming to be sick, but was well enough to be on Dr. Drew Pinsky’s KGIL show on Tuesday for almost an hour.

“I have to take Adam’s word,” said Silver. “When an employee says he's sick, short of going to his house with a doctor, I have to take him on his word.”

The dilemma for management is the fact that the KLSX morning show has been on a steady rise since Danny signed on a year ago. If there is a conflict, will Adam and Danny be able to patch things up? We won’t know until next year because Adam begins his holiday break tomorrow.

In introducing a segment about comfortability in the workplace, Danny offered the following one morning this week: "I've been kidding around the last few days why I hate Adam Carolla, but now it doesn't seem nearly as funny because the poor man is sick. If I know Carolla like I believe I do, to miss work he is very, very ill. So let me rephrase, I don't hate Carolla at all. I admire him greatly, but the man is so quirky and he has put such a spell on certain things you can and cannot feel comfortable about doing at your own workplace."

(A tip of the Tabloid Baby hat to the Carolla show fanboys for keeping us posted.)

Is Carolla being aced out?

So what's up with radio suck king Adam Carolla?

We reported back in October that the radio suck king might soon be walking away from his despoiled morning show gig, and now, after the actions of the past couple of days, his fans are fearing the prediction's come to pass. Sez one:

"I think Adam has left the show and some suit came up with this Adam is sick angle to keep the Carolla fans listeneing, while they slowly hand the reins over to Danny. I also got the feeling that Norm McDonald might be the new co-host. The Danny & Norm show in January 2008 is what I predict."

The monotonal, droning morning man who wound up in the unenviable position of taking over for the late Howard Stern and then spent the next two years soiling the spot beyond repair hasn't been showing up to work the past couple of days, even missing out on his Stern-imitating awards show for the oxymoronically "best" moments of his show.

After Carolla apparently took time to cross the Writers Guild picket lines to appear as a guest this morning on the strike-breaking Carson Scably TV show, rumours and speculation have been running wild on the Carolla fans message board, with some seeing signs that Carolla may be leaving the show after all, and that second banana Danny Bonaduce, forced onto the show earlier this year, after Carolla's handpicked team failed miserably in 2006, will get the slot to himself as Tabloid Baby and fans of good radio have petitioned.

But considering that Carolla's Scably appearance was taped days ago, it's more likely he skipped work and handed the show to Bonaduce to duck the inevitable prank calls from WGA members.

Or did he do it to take the unwelcome competitor out of the picture? Ironically, Bonaduce, the quick-witted, colorful and very human show business veteran-- and sole bright spot on the dreary show-- seems to have slipped into a despairing funk in wake of his divorce, bizarre public appearances like his violent actions at the Fox Channel Reality Awards Show and constant undermining by Carolla and his cowering female protege.

Some message board fans suspect Carolla is leaving Bonaduce hanging, to allow the volatile performer to hang himself.

We'll see. The Carolla show is headed into another long hiatus. The last New Year's hiatus contained the surprise massacre of Carolla's staff and the hiring of Bonaduce. So stay tuned. The morning nightmare for Los Angeles and several other western regions may soon give way to light.

Kirwan reacts to Catholic Danny Boy scandal

"Perhaps someday
the bishops will wake up
and realize that music
is as spiritual as prayer,
and the melody
of Danny Boy
touches more hearts
than any liturgical piece
favored by
the Vatican in Rome..."

The scandal of the Roman Catholic Church's banning of the traditional song Danny Boy from the funerals of faithful Irish American parishioners has reignited this week at a funeral in the Bridgeport, Connecticut diocese. Irish Americans throughout the area, and now around the country are reacting in rage and disgust after a 78-year-old, 40-year parishioner's last request to have the tune played was denied at the eleventh hour, because, according to the parish priest, the song is "not liturgical."

In defiance of the ban, the deceased's son read the lyrics to Danny Boy during a eulogy, while a bagpiper who'd been hired for the occasion defiantly blared the anthem at the church's door as the casket was brought out into the sunshine.

Now, distinguished writer and musician Larry Kirwan, leader of the totemic Celtic expatriate rock band, Black 47, comments exclusively to Tabloid Baby about the incident, which is apparently commonplace throughout the country, and is driving a stake through the heart of many Irish American Catholics who already reeling from the church's paedophile coverup scandal:

"I'm not surprised by what happened. I've heard of other instances. It all goes to show just how out of touch with Irish-America the bishops are. The church has always been as much a social part of peoples lives as a religious one. The bishops continue to ignore that, either because of a case of "tin ears" or just plain arrogance and self-esteem. I might add that this is not usually the case with the regular clergy and (the parish priest in question) may just be laboring under orders.

"Anyway, all credit to your bagpiper for finding a way to honor your Father; perhaps someday the bishops will wake up and realize that music is as spiritual as prayer, and the melody of Danny Boy touches more hearts than any liturgical piece favored by the Vatican in Rome or native episcopal palace."

(Kirwan and Black 47 have recorded their own, very distinct version of Danny Boy that has itself become a hymn to many Irish emigres.)

The Catholic Church's ban on 'Danny Boy'

Danny Boy, the song widely considered to be the Irish anthem, and a staple at Irish Catholic funerals around the world, is banned from Roman Catholic Church funerals in the United States.

As if the Church doesn't have enough troubles and hasn't alienated or driven away enough of the faithful with its boneheaded decisions and criminal behaviour, this arbitrary ruling is causing more anger by the day. in fact, among Irish Americans, the issue is as heated and shameful as the child sex abuse scandal that Church leaders managed to cover up for decades before being forced to drain local parish coffers to pay victims of molestation by priests.

The Danny Boy shame came to light again yesterday at the funeral for a 78-year-old Irish American (and 40-year parishioner) at St. Theresa Roman Catholic Church in Trumbull, Connecticut within the Bridgeport diocese (a diocese that has paid out millions of dollars to settle sex-abuse lawsuits). Among the departed's last request was that Danny Boy be sung at his funeral. But days after an Irish singer had been booked to sing the sacred Irish song at the service, the church pastor phoned the deceased's family to inform them that the song is not "liturgical" in nature, meaning it is not appropriate to be sung or played in church.

The singer was forced to wait miles away, by the graveside.

The lyrics were read from the pulpit during a eulogy, however, while a mischievous bagpiper waited outside the church to play the tune after the service.

Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling,

from glen to glen, and down the mountain side

The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying

'tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide.

But come you back when summer's in the meadow

Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow

'tis I'll be there in sunshine or in shadow

Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so.

Send us some good Roger King stories

Rough-and-tumble Roger King took his daddy's syndication company from Little Rascals reruns to Wheel of Fortune and Oprah before selling out to CBS for two and a half billion dollars and, over the weekend, dying of a stroke at 63. We in the tabloid world, of course, remember Roger as a wild and woolly salesman who set the national tabloid television rivalry into motion when he raided the original A Current Affair team to start up an imitator show.

Inside Edition would also launch the career of a dweebish Bill O'Reilly (later to be reinvented as a blowhard bully at Fox News-- see the analysis by "tabloid historian" Burt Kearns in Marvin Kitman's book The Man Who Would Not Shut Up--start on page 135), and though few would realize it, remains in syndication to this day, probably due to its low profile, lack of tabloid controversy, and the positioning and packaging Roger and his brother Michael were so brilliant at creating ("If you want Oprah for your station, you gotta take Deb Norville!")

Standing 6-foot-4 and weighing about 250 pounds, Roger was an imposing presence, and behinn the scenes he led a tabloid personal life as well. the LA Times reminds us he pleaded no contest to charges of auto theft and cocaine possession in 1987 after a dispute with a cab driver who picked him up from a nightclub in Fort Lauderdale, and again in 1992, to misdemeanor battery in 1992, after a physical altercation with two hotel guests at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas.

There are lots of Roger King stories out there. Send us your memories of another loss from a vanishing breed.

Tom Brokaw outed: He doesn't write his books

November 11, 1999
New York Post
Neal Travis’ New York
INTERVIEW TAB-LED
WHILE network news organizations have adopted many tabloid-TV practices, they don't like to admit it - and certainly don't want anyone getting air time to talk about the way standards have changed. Burt Kearns, in town to launch his book, "Tabloid Baby," just learned the power of establishment television. Kearns was scheduled the other evening to do John Gibson's MSNBC show, talking about the way the tab stars of "A Current Affair" outperformed traditional news anchors - including NBC's Tom Brokaw - at the tumbling of the Berlin Wall 10 years ago. Kearns was pre-interviewed and the cable channel arranged a limo to take him to their studios over in New Jersey. Just an hour before the car arrived, they canceled him. He was told Brokaw - who has his own memoir to plug and who regards the news very seriously - was taking his place.

In the Eighties, Tom Brokaw, cock o' the walk "anchorman" of a deadly-dull NBC News show, would run into WNBC-TV news producer Burt Kearns at the 30 Rock elevator and, with impunity, snatch the young man's copy of the next day's New York Times.

In 1999, Kearns would be a tabloid television pioneer whose new book pulled back the curtain on NBC's co-opting of tabloid techniques and Brokaw was threatened by his presence.

Ironic, isn't it, that of the two, Kearns was the one who wrote his own book? James Brady reveals in Forbes that Brokaw cannily admits in the acknowledgments to his latest NBC Gift Shop item that he's just the frontman for a team he calls "Team Brokaw":

"Listen to what he says about the work of authoring:

"'I had at the ready the best team any author could want. Liz Bowyer, the captain of the team, a tireless and persuasive interviewer; Frank Gannon, suggestions, observations, contributions, encyclopedic knowledge of the '60s; Michael Hill, fact-checker extraordinaire; Meaghan Rudy, now part of the NBC family; and John Balz, who tracked down players, facts, trends and under-reported consequences of the '60s.'

"Phew!

Brokaw then thanks computer techies for keeping the machines going, and someone else who keeps in touch with him as he slaves away on the manuscripts 'in the remote regions of Montana.' Additional kudos go to a score of Random House execs and editorial people who helped with the work, as well as to Robin Rolewicz for being able to 'corral the people I interviewed into sending me their personal photographs.' Robin was 'helped in the research effort' by Carol Poticny and Abby Plesser. Tom also praises the people who edited and designed and produced the book, the lawyer who vetted it and so on. But those helpful folk work on every book. I am talking here mostly about NBC staffers and others who don't work in the book biz but were recruited for or volunteered in the Brokaw effort.

"Reading all this, I went back to Greatest Generation. Had he issued similar acknowledgments nine years ago? Yes, right up front. Elizabeth Bowyer yet again, plus a Ph.D. in history named Phil Napoli and Brokaw's research assistant at NBC News, Joan Huang, who had provided the author with "an unending supply of stories, facts, insights and ideas." Tommy Fine 'got the project started," Erin O'Connor, 'who runs my NBC life,' was thanked for her work. 'So many ideas came from so many places.' Among those 'places,' Boston columnist Mike Barnicle, authors Stephen Ambrose and Bill Styron, magazine editor Ellen Levine and writer/editor Kurt Anderson, who used to (with Graydon Carter) run Spy.

"Then Brokaw names colleagues at NBC who worked on the parallel TV documentary, also called The Greatest Generation. They incorporated some of Brokaw's stories in the video, but also, one hand washing the other, helped him 'get some of them [stories] on the pages of the book.' Contributions to 'his' book from the TV news side. Is that really writing, or something else?"

It's something else, all right, and it's what the book business has become, sellers of TV shows and pop culture souvenirs. and the pioneer of that tabloid innovation is none other than the speech-impaired "anchorman" Tom Brokaw.

What a fraud.

Brady wonders what happened to the authors who "did their own research, actually went places, met people and filled notebooks with local color"? Hey, that's how Tabloid Baby was written. And it's still the perfect Christmas gift.

Nebraska: Not Starkweather, but close

Today's tragic news from Omaha takes us back to the story of Charles Starkweather, the 19-year-old psychopath who took his 14-year-old girlfriend Caril Ann Fugate on a killing spree 50 years ago this month. He'd kill 11 people, a few more than today's murderer managed, but it took Charlie more than a month and two states to do it. His story was the basis of the movie Badlands, which made a star out of Martin Sheen, who'd go on to narrate All The Presidents' Movies, the classic Bravo doco series from our pals at Frozen Pictures. The case also became a tabloid TV classic when A Current Affair nabbed an exclusive interview with Caril Ann thirty years after the crimes. A production assistant on the story later sold the segment as the basis for a TV movie starring Tim Roth, which allegedly influenced a couple of kids in Canada to embark on a spree on their own. And the circle of death continues...

The Omaha World-Herald
December 5, 2007
Shooter lost his job today, left suicide note
BY TOM SHAW AND KEVIN COLE
WORLD-HERALD STAFF WRITER

The 19-year-old Sarpy County man behind the deadliest shooting spree in Nebraska in almost 50 years left a suicide note.

A Sarpy County law enforcement official identified Robert A. Hawkins as the man who shot and killed eight people and himself at Westroads Mall Wednesday afternoon.

His address is listed as 4302 McCarty Drive in the Quail Creek subdivision just outside of Bellevue.

He was fired from a job at a Bellevue McDonald's restaurant Wednesday after several months on the job, said Debora Maruca, whose family Hawkins had been staying with.

Maruca said Hawkins told her he was accused of stealing $17 from the restaurant.

A Papillion-La Vista Public Schools spokeswoman said Hawkins attended district schools since kindergarten but withdrew from Papillion-La Vista High School in March 2006.

Hawkins left a suicide note, which was found by Maruca's family. A woman brought the note to the Sarpy County Sheriff's Office about 30 minutes after the start of the shooting spree.

Sarpy County Capt. Rolly Yost said the woman was unaware that a shooting had taken place. Based on the contents of the note, authorities believe the person who wrote the note is connected to the shooting.

Hawkins' previous criminal history includes an arrest Friday in Sarpy County on suspicion of contributing to the delinquency of a child, being a minor in possession of or dispensing alcohol and being a minor in possession of an open alcoholic container.

He was also found guilty in 2005 of disorderly conduct and sentenced to seven days in jail. Also in 2005, he was charged with intent to deliver a controlled substance, but the charge was dismissed by prosecutors.

Charles Starkweather killed 10 Nebraskans in a multiday spree in December 1957 and January 1958.

We get a Christmas card

Wishing you the happiest of Holidays!

--from Tabloid Baby pal Richard Halpern, the world's greatest Austin Powers impersonator.

Will there be Two Tribes of Israel Baseball in 2008? Our Man Elli provides some expert analysis

First Israel's baseball dream was a reality. Then it was in shambles. Now there may be too much baseball ahead in 2008! In wake of this morning's announcement that the Israel Professional Baseball League is moving forward to replace the Israel Baseball League in the hearts of Israelis (and a polite "no comment yet" from IPBL honchos), we asked Our Man Elli in Israel to sort it out for us.

Tabloid Baby: So Elli, is there room for two leagues in Israel?

Our Man Elli: You're asking me? So far, we still don't know if there's room for one league in Israel. The IBL's first season wasn't marketed to Israelis, so no Israelis showed up. No professional league can survive here unless it is run professionally. But in answer to your specific question: No. I don't think there's room in Israel for two professional baseball leagues.

Do you know what cities the Israel Professional Baseball League plans to represent?

Look, this isn't the States. It's not even Anaheim. The names of the cities on the front of the Israeli uniforms are really immaterial, because the teams don't play in those cities anyway. The IBL picked cities because of their sizes and sizeable Anglo populations. I don't like to assume, but it's probable that the IPBLwill choose similar names for the same reasons. Though there are certainly some nicely-named cities with Anglo populations that could be included-- like Rehovot and Tzfat.

Tzfat.

No. "Tzfat."

Where will the IBL play?

At the moment, there are only the two fields used last summer that are even playable. Those are Gezer and Baptist Village. I mean, it's possible they could convert some soccer fields in the next six months. But it's getting late.

The IPBL announced its season today. Are they really looking to merge with the IBL?

No. Not now they're not. There's no love lost between the two league organizers. but a lot could happen between now and June.

The Hatfields and the Mc-Oys.

Funny. (not laughing) Right now, the people behind the two leagues won't be working together. But, should there be changes within either league's heirachy, anything can happen.

Do two leagues mean there'll be a bidding war or players?

No. The least problem of all the problems any league faces is where to get players. There's no shortage of baseball talent out there. There are outstanding players from around the world, who'd be ecstatic to play in Israel. As we saw last summer. There are players who'd be ecstatic to play in Israel even if they didnt get paid! As we saw last summer.

What about commissioners?

Again, no problem. Neither will get a high-calibre name like Dan Kurtzer to run their league, because there aren't too many former US ambassadors waiting to run a baseball league. But there are certainly competent people in Israel who can be a commissioner of baseball here.

How about Ell--

Don't start.

Dad (1929-2007)

Retired patent attorney, Korean War veteran and Fordham University alumnus Burtsell J. Kearns died this morning at home in Trumbull, Connecticut. He was 78. He was a good dad to the end.

EXCLUSIVE! ISRAEL BASEBALL PLAYERS IN SECRET SUMMIT: BREAKING BREAD IN MANHATTAN MEETING OVER RIVAL LEAGUES

Earlier today, we reported exclusively that the Israel Professional Baseball League announced that they're charging full speed ahead with plans for an inaugural 2008 season that would go head-to-head with the embattled Israel Baseball League it sprang from. Now, Our Man Elli in Israel reports exclusively on a high-stakes summit led by two senior players who are vehement rivals on the issue. The meeting is taking place right now:

ELLI WOHLGELERNTER REPORTS:

I have just found out that at this very hour [7P EST], that seven players from the Israel Baseball League are holding a reunion at a bistro in the West Village of Manhattan. Seems a couple of fellas from L.A. are in town: Adam Harwood from the Modi'in Miracle and Josh Eichenstein of the Netanya Tigers. They called others, and everyone's getting together.

What's most interesting is that the gathering includes Eric Holtz and Alan Gardner. Now we know from postings and comments at Tabloid Baby that those two are on opposite sides of the fence: Holtz, the player-coach of the champion Bet Shemesh Blue Sox, is an emphatic, vocal and leading defender of the IBL, despite the league's continued lack of financial transparency, while Gardner-- utility outfielder for the Blue Sox and Manhattan lawyer-- is spearheading the new, rival Israel Professional Baseball League. These two players were among the elders of the league (Holtz turns 42 on wednesday; Gardner turned 46 a month ago) and they have the ear of the younger guys.

The others in attendance are the Blue Sox's Scott Perlman, Tel Aviv Lightning's Nate Fish, and Tiger Leon Feingold. Perlman has just been named director of group ticket sales for the IBL, so it would seem that Gardner will be the player on the hot seat at that table-- when Feingold and Holtz aren't busy throwing barbs my way.

I spoke to Nate Fish before the get-together, and he told me that it wasn't a meeting to explore options of where to play, or even to discuss the ongoing soap opera. "I just want to see the guys," he said. "I hope there’s not too much talk with what’s going on with the league. I just want to reminisce about the good times over the summer, and laugh about it. I'll be happy to avoid too much of the drama of what’s going on right now."

Fish said most of the players he talks with do not discuss the ongoing developments with the IBL or the IPBL, but rather their individual circumstances with the IBL and the money the league still owes them.

"A lot of people are talking about their personal situation in relation to the league," Fish told me. "People aren’t having a dialogue; they are venting their feelings on the league, as opposed to the actual news and the drama."

He said he was caught by surprise to hear about the new IPBL league being formed.

"I can’t believe it," Fish said. "I was shocked that this is happening. The only logical thing is that this new league is not buying the IBL and not merging,-- that it’s an attack on the IBL, to put the IBL out of business.

"At this point there is no room for two leagues."

Fish said he probably wouldn't play for either league, as he's getting on with life, and in fact, he's continuing to write his memoir about the first season of the IBL.

A new weekly column from Dr. Ruehl

From the early days of the Tabloid Baby website, genius, cable television legend, TV and film actor, certified genius, supermarket tabloid writer and nuclear physicist Dr. Franklin Ruehl, Ph.D. has been a favorite of readers and a valued contributor.

His As Dr. Ruehl column answered questions from across the cosmos, and now Tabloid Baby is honored to announce that we’re picking up his syndicated Realm of Bizarre News column, a phantasmagoria of fascinating and often fantastic facts that has been enterianing and educating email recipients for at least 142 weeks now.

We pick up with No. 143:

This Week's
"Realm of Bizarre News"
Top 13

* Ouch! Chicago gal, 18, developed a massive 10-pound hairball in her tummy from years of chewing on her own hair! The bezoar, which resembled a dead rat, had to be surgically removed!

(Trivia Q: What is the technical term for eating hair? Answer below)

* Incredibly well-preserved fossil of a plant-eating dino, the hadrosaur, has been unearthed in North Dakota. Even its skin and some internal organs were recovered, allowing paleontologists to conclude that the creature may have been striped, perhaps like a zebra!

* Roadkill stuffed animals now being sold for Xmas! The 1st, Twitch the Raccoon, is marked by a tire print across its back. A zipper on each side allows the owner to remove its innards, and is accompanied by its own body bag!

* Understandable, completely understandable! A motorist in Knoxville, TN fired 3 shots into a speed camera with a high-powered rifle, putting it out of commission! Other such hated cameras have been smashed, hacked, and even burned in the states and Great Britain.

* New Yeti footprints have been discovered in the Himalayas in Nepal by an American television team! They will be subjected to intense laboratory analysis to determine if they do indeed represent an unknown species.

* Bad! A serious shortage of prized Hungarian goose feathers, used in pricey pillows, has developed as a result of bird flu and the soaring price of feed. These particular geese are feed a special diet, bathed in the summer, and kept cold in the winter, practices which yield extra-large soft feathers. Couldn’t they just use pigeon feathers instead? They’ll never run out!

* For the third time this year, surgeons at the Rhode Island Hospital have operated on the wrong side of a patient's brain! But the Ruehl solution can easily eliminate this problem: each patient slated for brain surgery should be appointed with a black monk's cowl, with plastic tape placed on the side on which the surgery is to be performed!

* Spooky! The image of a Jesuit priest executed for treason involving the Gunpowder Plot in England in the 1600s has materialized on the cover of a book chronicling his demise... Eerily, the cover was fashioned from the priest's own skin!

* A boy's metal ID bracelet lost some 25 years ago on a farm in Fairmont, Massachusetts, was discovered in the gizzard of a chicken being processed for market. The bird probably dug it out of the ground and swallowed it!

* Moo! A female artist in London is raking in a small fortune substituting cows for humans in her renditions of famous paintings, such as The Mona Lisa!

* Judge in Niagara Falls, Canada, infuriated that a cellphone went off in his courtroom, ordered all 46 audience members arrested, with a bail set at $1500! Ironically, he has been divested of his post as a result of this action!

* Study proves that the number 13 is unlucky, at least, for the British National Lottery. Mathematicians have determined that since 1994, when the lottery was initiated, 13 has come up the fewest number of times. Other unlucky numbers include 6,9, and 11. Contrariwise, the luckiest number is 38, followed by 25 and 31.

* Boy in a Cambodia village and his beloved pet python, Lucky, have slept together for the past six years, and are closer than if they shared the same skin!

(Trivia answer: The technical term for eating hair is "trichophagia.")


Dr. Ruehl is host of the cable TV series, Mysteries From Beyond The Other Dominion." Recently, he was the resident anomalist on The New Tom Green Show on MTV, guested on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" and the new ALF'S Hit Talk Show, and hosted a recurring UFO segment-- was profiled-- on "9 On The Town."

See Dr. Ruehl’s USA network promo here.

His own channel at Mania TV is viewable here.

His special"Hollywood Hopefuls" demo reel can be found here.

Two episodes of his show from Tom Green Productions here.

The trailer for the film in which he portrays "Running Owl" is here.

His straw-in-potato demo at "Heroes" website (1:26 minutes into reel) is here.

Check out the Doctor’s IMDb profile here.

Reed his UFO column here.

See his profile at Expert Village here.

See his straw-in-potato video at Expert Village here.

Link to his demo reel here.

Heather Mills' porno past: The tale of the teddy

Interesting note: analysis of the latest spread-eagle shots of Heather Mills show she's wearing the same lacy get-up she sports in simulated sex scenes with an aroused male model in the photo shoot for the 1988 German "sex manual" Die Freuden Der Liebe (The Joys Of Love) that first came to light in June 2006 around the time her split with Paul McCartney turned ugly. She'd defended those shots as "educational," but unless Heather had only one set of crotchless unmentionables to lug to various nudie shoots, the NSFW outtake (center) which apeared in a stroke magazine and was published this week by the News of the World seems to indicate that the Joys of Love session was far more explicit than she's let on and that the opposing camp is holding the photos showing Heather and her male counterpart in hardcore situations.

That's why this latest eruption doesn't make sense in light of her recent campaign against the tabloids. Without photo or video proof, allegations of a prostitute past are easier to refute. But we'd assume that Heather remembers how she'd posed and must know that whatever skeletons remain rattling in her closet are sure to tumble out eventually.

We'd say she'd do herself and her case a lot of good by admitting upfront to the extremes we was forced to take in her hardluck past, if only to limit further ridicule.

EXCLUSIVE: RIVAL ISRAEL BASEBALL LEAGUE MOVES FORWARD: ANNOUNCES WEBSITE; UNVEILS LOGO; CALLS ITSELF "PREMIER LEAGUE IN ISRAEL"!

What was first reported exclusively on Tabloid Baby is now official: a second professional baseball league in Israel has been formally launched.

Our Man Elli got his hands on this release from the backers of the proposed Israel Professional Baseball League, announcing six teams for a season in the summer of 2008, going up directly against the Israel Baseball League, which announced its second season just last week:


FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

TRIANGLE FINANCIAL SERVICES LAUNCHES
NEW ISRAEL PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL LEAGUE
INFORMATIONAL WEBSITE

AVENTURA, FL., December 4, 2007- Triangle Financial Services, a sports and entertainment investment firm, announced today the launch of the Israel Professional Baseball League (IPBL) informational website ( http://www.trianglefs.com/ipbl.html). The IPBL is the second professional baseball league in the Middle East and will be the premier professional baseball league in the land of Israel. The IPBL will be a six-team league that will begin play in the summer of 2008. The IPBL is a separate league from the Israel Baseball League.

ABOUT TRIANGLE FINANCIAL SERVICES Triangle Financial Services, a sports and entertainment investment firm, has a diverse portfolio of international sports enterprises. The recent acquisition of the Maccabi Haifa professional basketball team in Israel along with the sponsorship of the Dragonflies, a semi-professional baseball team in Hong Kong, China, represents Triangle's continued effort to invest in emerging international sports ventures. For more information on Triangle Financial Services, please visit www.trianglefs.com.

The league's webpage seeks players, contributors and personnel.

The IPBL was first announced last month, the week that the IBL's commissioner and advisory board went running for the hills because of financial problems and questions surrounding league founder Larry Baras-- also reported exclusively here.

Regarding this recent development, Our Man Elli had this comment: "Let the bean-ball war begin!"

(Heading up the new league are Jeffrey Rosen, a major IBL investor and owner of the Maccabi Haifa basketball team; Andrew Wilson, a facilitator on the ground for the IBL who now works for Rosen; Alan Gardner, a New York City attorney who played centerfield for the Beit Shemesh Blue Sox; and Michael Rollhaus, a businessman from Queens and major IBL investor.)