Friday, June 30, 2006

Tim Green Returns

Tim Green, former Atlanta Falcons defensive end and host of the lamented, short-lived 2005 revival of A Current Affair, has resurfaced with a new book and a Sports Illustrated Q&A.

SI: What was tougher to handle: losing to the Redskins in the division playoffs in 1991 or having A Current Affair replaced by Geraldo at Large in 2005?

Green: It hurt a lot more to be replaced by Geraldo at Large.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Heather Mills sex book up for grabs on eBay

It’s been weeks since they were resurrected in the UK Sun, and the complete, uncensored collection of Heather Mills sex photos has yet to surface online.

But you can buy them online. They're on sale on Ebay.

Several several versions of the 1988 German stroke book, Die Freuden der Liebe (“The Joy of Love”) have been on the auction block, with bids starting at a dollar, and the most pristine version available at a $335 “Buy It Now” price. Sellers say there are 170 photos between the covers.

You’d figure some website editor would snatch them and make a splash—Hey don’t look at us!

Meanwhile, the UK tabs report that Heather is literally screaming for attention, yelling at photographers and expressing fears she’ll be shot dead, like John Lennon, or stabbed, like George Harrision. And Yoko Ono's piped up to compare Heather’s plight to her own thirty eight years of negative press.

In all, it’s a shrewd way to steal attention from the Beatles Vegas show.

Strawberry Feels:
A never-seen
alternative version
of Heather's
saucy fruit shot:

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Stolen tabloid sources sting: An old affair

A former Us Weekly editor named Jill Ishkanian is in hot water, with the FBI investigating whether she tapped into the magazine’s e-mail system to steal scoops about stars like Nick Lachey, Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen.

Sounds familiar. Sounds a lot like the 1990 scandal when the Feds busted an A Current Affair freelancer named Stuart Goldman for tapping into A Current Affair’s story list.

According to the LA Times, “Us Weekly staff told the FBI they began getting suspicious a few months ago when they noticed several of their celebrity gossip items, which they thought the magazine had exclusively, started showing up in other publications.”

That’s what happened with A Current Affair. With many expensive scoops turning up in the marketplace and on the competition, one of the show’s honchos set up a sting—a phony story that claimed Ron Reagan had a male lover named Tyrone in South Central LA. (Boy, did Fox honcho Barry Diller get steamed about that one!) The Treasury Department, LAPD and Fox cameras crashed their way into his house. Goldman's life was ruined.

Ishkanian's attorney told The Times that his client had access to the Us e-mail system after leaving the magazine, but that management had approved the arrangement. Also very similar to the Goldman story.

The story of course can be found in Tabloid Baby (see Chapter 8, Kings of Comedy). And Stuart Goldman’s version has been floating through cyberspace for about decade.

We’ve met Jill and interviewed her for a Court TV series. Now she could be starring in one. We hope she doesn’t go to jail.

Even in a business where Ethics is known as “the E word” or a county outside London, there are standards, and stealing hard-won (or in the case of Us, hard-bought) story credit is It’s not nice to steal journo’s work and sources (and it’s worse when you’re a big, lazy TV infotainment show swooping in to steal a world exclusive from small-town journos or a phonytabmag like Dateline stealing credit for our five-year-old exclusive!

Stealing from your mates as a joke doesn’t count. Again, read Tabloid Baby, if you haven’t already. Learn the rules.

The best issue of a local magazine ever published

We found the June/July issue of Malibu magazine in a stack in the office last night. It’s been lying around for a week or so, we’d guess. We pick up the free glossy when we’re in Cross Creek or heading back from the pier after a good morning fishing. It’s usually an expensively-produced throway, known for the usual celebrity photo spreads and light interviews, real estate porn and restaurant reviews.

This month’s issue is different. It may be the finest example of a local magazine ever produced— and in this case, you can’t tell a book by its cover.

Behind the artsy black and white photo of a band called Simon Dawes is a collection of articles and photo essays that captures a town, a place, a legend and a myth better than any magazine issue we’ve ever encountered since the heyday of Mad.

Starting with a “Letter from the Creative Director,” romanticizing the mix of homeless, scary bums, millionaire celebrities and paparazzi (captured with more ironic artfulness in the excellent social comedy movie, Cloud 9) in a manner that's a little too hip and self-satisfied, each page opens a new door to a famed community.

Highlights: A photo essay on the history of surfing that drags you under and doesn’t let go; a wrapup of the local “Malibu Sound” bands, all rich kids with famous daddies like Lou Adler and Bruce Jenner, sporting early-Seventies long hair and influenced by neighbor Kate Hudson’s Almost Famous movie as much as by Skynyrd and the Allmans (and a tragic fallen hero); and a story by Clementine Carter about a bizarre hidden canyon eatery called This Old Place that stopped serving salads because of fears of contamination and three-bean salad because folks made fun of it.

By the end of this magazine, through the articles, photos and ads, you have lived in Malibu and walked on its disputed beaches. The good and the bad. From Pamela Anderson to surfing realtors to vacant millionaire latchkey kids. It’s extraordinary. Expect awards.

If you live on the other side of the world, let alone outside that LA beachzone, we don’t know how you’ll get a copy. Try their website.

TV Land bares its shame tomorrow

A limited-run TV Land series premieres tomorrow night, with a name stolen from an erotic docudrama series that will be released on DVD within weeks.

My First Time is the name of the provocative, sexual-themed Showtime series that made a mark on reality programming with its stylish blending of actual interviews with American women, and filmed recreations of their first sexual experiences, starring some of the top porn stars in the world.

The TV Land show, originally announced as “My Big Break,” was given a late name change in order to spice up a clip show, in which “celebrated stars of television, music and movies take a deeply personal look back at the gigs that changed their lives...”

A rep for TV Land admitted earlier this month that the network ripped off the title of the original, landmark series deliberately, telling Page Six: "This is virgin territory for us. TV Land thought long and hard about this title."

The TV Land series includes interviews with celebrities like Henry Winkler, Katey Sagal, Ted Danson, John O’Hurley, Jim Belushi, John Schneider, Cheryl Ladd, Glen Campbell, Cybill Shepherd, Mr. T and Sara Gilbert (hey, we’d like to hear about her “first time”!).

The original series, on DVD during the rip-off run, includes X-rated actresses Summer Fields, Ann Marie, Ava Molina, Wendy Divine, Aria, Dru Berrymore, Ananda Saint James, Goldie, Tina Tyler, Venus, Monique Alexander, Rhiannon Bray, Misty Mendez, Diana DeVoe, Dee, Alana Evans, Britney James, Dalny Marga, Katie Morgan, Buffy Sinclair, Aurora Snow, Allison Wyte, Melanie, Kelly Warner, Becca Bratt, Kara Caraballo and Mandy Roberts.

The notable male sex performers include Dick Smothers, Jr, Marty Romano (above, left), Chris Evans, Trevor Zen, Brett Wad, Barrett Blade, Julian St. Jox, Lexington Steele), Justin Slayer and Matt Bixel (and in a cameo, Legs McNeil, author of the porn history book, The Other Hollywood).

Monday, June 26, 2006

Disneyland slips product placement into 'Pirates'

Back in February, we took one final ride on Disneyland’s classic Pirates of the Caribbean attraction before the ride was closed for “upgrades” to add product tie-ins to the surprisingly successful movie franchise of the same name.

The new ride was unveiled this weekend at the Disneyland world premiere of the second movie in the series, "Dean Man's Chest."

We’ll head down there soon. In the meantime, according to IGN.com, here’s what you can expect:

* A congregation of pirates talks about "Captain Jack Sparrow" while a likeness of the Johnny Depp character crouches behind a barrel nearby.

* In another stretch, the dreaded Sparrow pokes his bearded head out of a barrel.

* As the ride moves to the section where the ship battle is taking place, the boat goes through a waterfall (the illusion is made by fog) bearing the likeness of the CG Davy Jones. He delivers a message of dread that concludes just as the boat passes through the faux falls.

* At the end of the ride, as the boat begins its climb to the end, Johnny Depp's Sparrow sits in a room full of booty singing his pirate song.

* A likeness of the Captain Jack from the movie has been added to the Rogue's Gallery.

No word about Geoffrey Rush’s Captain Barbarossa, as had been anticipated. And costar Keira Knightley (featured on this racy site) is not among the wenches. The site says, “in all the changes aren't too intrusive.” We won’t complain too much, not yet, if the movies and their timeless content keep interest in the ride—and park—alive.

Meanwhile, Governor and former movie spectacle star Arnold Schwarzenegger was booed on the Disneyland red carpet-- though the jeers could have been directed at wife Maria Shriver's t-shirt, bearing an image of Michelangelo’s David with a sequin fig leaf.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Extra! Local reporter beat bigs in McDermott search

"Well, let me tell you - after the fiasco with Nick Papps with the Australian News Agency (who I contacted first about the hat and he reported it and failed to mention that I, as a journalist was the one to find it) and then with Extra TV-- who I called second and they sent John Nazarian down after the fact and then made it look like he found it because of his famous abilities-- I am a little more than gunshy about working with anyone else. Our primary and only reason for contacting anyone was to get the hat up to the US for DNA testing...

"We are almost 100% sure that the hat belongs to Patrick. At this point I am directly in contact with the Coast Guard chief investigator on this case…"

That email, which hit our office this morning, indicates that a small-town reporter, not big-city journos and sleuths, is the one who picked up the Tabloid Baby torch and shed new light on the Patrick McDermott case!

Kathy Aviles runs El Mirador, the local news magazine of Todos Santos, Baja Mexico, the place where, Tabloid Baby reported back in March that Olivia Newton-John’s presumed-dead boyfriend, Patrick McDermott, had been seen alive. Like many an intrepid small-town reporter who goes a step beyond her jaded high-paid rivals, she brought the story to a new level-- and is seeing the scoop of a lifetime snatched from her hands!

The McDermott case leapt back into the headlines this month when Aussie journo Nick Papps followed our lead and splashed the news that Patrick McDermott had been sighted in and around the remote Baja town of Todos Santos. Others jumped on the bandwagon, most notably the American celebutainment TV show Extra, which claimed to have sent a big time Hollywood P.I. who sniffed out even more “exclusive” evidence.

Turns out, that evidence was handed to Extra’s shamus (see the photo above) by a small-town, big-talent reporter.

The story-behind-the-story is fascinating— made for the movies— and it took place in the same town where Tabloid Baby’s own barefoot beachcombing operatives were tracking down their own McDermott clues.

Kathy details her sleuthing on her webpage, and shows how her work was scooped by the biggies:

June 8, 2006 3:15 pm : After spending about a month of investigating the disappearance of Patrick McDermott, I just returned from the small village of Pescadero where I spoke with Marina Mejia Carranza of Marinas Café... I showed her and her son, Eduardo photos of Patrick McDermott and Marina said she was 80% sure it was him, whereas her son said he was 100% sure that he ate at their establishment sometime during the first week of May. Marina says she remembers him because he really loved her fish tacos and also that he forgot his hat. She then walked over and picked up the hat from the corner of a cabinet where she had put it. I don't think anyone has thought to check with her because she does not speak English, but luckily I do speak Spanish.

Patrick was with a woman who she estimated to be around 35 and his hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She said the woman had blonde hair which goes along with the other reported sightings…

June 8th, 2006 5:00 pm: I returned to the Cafe and took pictures of Marina at the request of Nick Papps with the Australian News Agency (I had contacted him first because he was the only person from the US that I had direct contact with through a cell phone).

June 9th, 2006 7:50 am: I returned to the cafe this morning... 4 people have recognized him and positively identified him. I made a call to Extra TV to let them know that I had the hat and to see if they could help in getting it up to the US for DNA testing. They told me that they would be sending a Private Investigator...

Saturday June 10th: I met with the famous private investigator, John Nazarian and his son, Mike today. I am really glad that Extra sent him down here last night…

Saturday June 17th: This is an open letter to John Nazarian: Dear John (wow, my first ever "dear John" letter)... I want to thank you for making sure the suspected hat of Patrick McDermott's got up to the US and I also want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking all the credit for finding the hat. I am sure it was due to your instinct that I may not be able to handle the pressure of having the whole world know that it was due to me and my investigative work that the hat was ever found…

There’s plenty more at the El Mirador website.

Tabloid Baby will keep in contact with Kathy Aviles and her network of Baja eyes. We'll keep you updated-- and give credit where credit is due!

Our team got its start in small town papers. We've broken some major stories of our own-- and seen more than a few competitors take credit. And readers of Tabloid Baby know that telling the true story of how a case like this was broken-- the story of a small town reporter with bigtime instincts-- is an even greater story than grandtstanding in the Geraldo tradition. A tip of the Tabloid Baby hat to Kathy Aviles.

(Tabloid Baby has been on the road the past week and we're back with some major stories. Stay tuned...)

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Will you still need me? Will you still feed me?


In time for Paul McCartney's long-awaited 64th birthday, British and Australian tabs have dug up more vintage porn publications featuring photos of his naughty, estranged second wife, Heather Mills.

Get a closer view here.

...and we can't help remembering this picture from our youth:

Why can't George Clooney give Dan Rather a DVD?

Poor old Dan Rather spends his afternoons wandering New York City’s Upper East Side, slipping into movie theatres to watch George Clooney’s mythological Edward R. Murrow movie, “Good Night (COMMA) and Good Luck.” No matter that old Dan, whose career touched on the Murrow era, knows that Clooney’s movie is historically inaccurate, that the Golden Age of CBS News was not as golden as any of us would like to believe, and that Edward R. Murrow was the father of tabloid celebrity journalism and a bit of a mythmaker himself; old Dan Rather can sit and stew in his memories, regret and bitterness.

Katie Couric will soon be the “voice of God, single anchor” hostess of CBS News, a judgmental perky, pudgeball whose hiring sealed CBS boss Les Moonves’ determination to blow up the program's "voice of God, single anchor" format and end the era and power of CBS News. Old Dan has been tossed aside. CBS isn’t renewing his contact and in fact is forcing him to leave early.

Readers of Tabloid Baby know that old Dan's wounds are, in part, self-inflicted, and are familiar with the way old Dan and his cloistered CBS News accolytes shaped American popular culture and politics with their once-powerful newscast, slipping in their political biases in the name of objectivity, and lying.

Dan Rather was lifted from local to network news by strapping himself to a tree during a hurricane. He became a national figure when he jumped the gun and reported President John F. Kennedy dead before the death was confirmed. Then he prayed Kennedy was really dead so he wouldn’t be fired.

Dan Rather was the only television reporter allowed to view the Zapruder film showing JFK being struck by the fatal bullets. Then he went on TV and lied about what he saw. The film clearly showed Kennedy’s head jerk back in an explosion of blood and brains—indicating the shot came from the front. Rather told the nation the head jerked forward-- backing the rush to judgment that Oswald was the lone gunman. (His lie was exposed years later—by Geraldo Rivera).

His anchorman career was marked by strange, bizarre incidents and confontations. It ended in shame. (Twenty five years ago, Tabloid Baby author Burt Kearns was offered a job writing Rather’s afternoon news updates. At the time, old Dan would walk around the CBS newsroom with a Bible, calling his colleagues “Brother” and “Sister.” He was clearly loopy. Kearns took a job at NBC news.) Now, CBS is showing him the door prematurely, so the decks can be swabbed clean before the Katie Couric brigade redecorates. No corner office. No limo over to PBS to voice documentaries.

Now, according to the New York Times, old Dan is being adopted by George Clooney’s billionaire producer Mark Cuban to host a Hi Definition news broadcast (personally we’d prefer someone with as milkier, creamier complexion in Hi-def.) As he considers the indignity, not far removed from Joe Louis' role as greeter at Caesars Palace, old Dan slips into theatres to watch the comforting lies of “Good Night (COMMA) and Good Luck.”

Dan, the movie's out on DVD.

Friday, June 16, 2006

'Extra' follows Tabloid Baby's McDermott lead

It's about time. An American tabloid television organization is following Tabloid Baby's three-month-old exclusive lead-- and free advice-- and has sent a private eye to Baja Mexico in the search for Patrick McDermott.

The syndicated TV infotainment magazine Extra counts among its staff and management many journalists and producers (including the two women who helm the show) who learned the tabloid television and journalism game from the folks who now run the Tabloid Baby news comment and link site.

Now, touting their catch-up story as an "exclusive," the syndicator's website reports that the show has sent private investigator John Nazarian (recently publicized as the "clean Pellicano"-- and again demonstrating the close relationships between provate eyes and Hollywood types) to the remote region, and that he's found more witnesses--and a visor they say could belong to the alleged "boyfriend" of Olivia Newton-John.

McDermott is believed to have faked his death off a fishing boat last summer, as a way to avoid child support debts-- and possibly, to give his young son tens of thousands of dollars in life insurance money.

Tabloid Baby broke the world exclusive story back in March that McDermott had been seen alive in and around the town of Todos Santos. In recent weeks, many news outlets have picked up the story after Australian journo Nick Papps arrived in the region and confirmed the scoop. (Just this week, Olivia-Newton John responded to the news Tabloid Baby broke).

"We're gratified that our friends at Extra have finally joined the search for Patrick McDermott," Tabloid Baby editor Burt Kearns said today. "We don't expect them to give us any credit. We know they wish they followed our lead earlier."

Time for a Big Huckin' Boycott?

Burger King must have been pretty pleased with its "Big Buckin' Chicken" commercial. The ad, which eases kids into using the "f word" (and despite the sophisticated cranks hitting our comment board, there's no denying that "buckin' chicken" is a smutty joke, used expressly to stand in for "big f-ckin' chicken") helps the Big BK to poison their minds as well as young bodies.

So now they've followed it with "Big Huckin' Chicken." We're not sure what "huckin" means, but again, it's an obvious substitute for "f-ckin": "Big huckin' chicken. You go big and you are spicy. Big huckin' chicken. Three hits of heat can't be beat. Spicy. Huckin. Chicken."

Same song. Slightly adjusted lyrics. Just as crude but without the imagination. As lowbrow as their "Groupies Love the Coq" campaign. As bad an influence on the kids as their greasy heart-clogging burgers and hydrogenated sugary fries. The Madison Avenue squirts must be high fivin' and doing extra lines in celebration. And who cares about the kids.

Parents? Time for a big huckin' boycott.

PS: Burger King not only serves the fattiest french fries, it fries in fat that’s more hydrogenated than the fat used by most other food chains. It’s time to nudge the King to get an oil change:

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Tom Green's Ace In The Hole

Performance artist Tom Green continues a slide from from home videos and rap records to MTV comedy show to Drew Barrymore to big time movies to testicular cancer to MTV talk show to Jay Leno bits... to the Internet tonight... as he takes questions from cyberspace and has intercourse with roadkill in a weekly webcast.

But he’s got a secret weapon that’s bound to cause heavy traffic on his server: none other than TV genius, public access sci fi legend, one-time Tabloid Baby Man of the Year, USA Network "character," Bigfoot explorer and self-described “Master of the Bizarre,” Dr.Franklin Ruehl!

As he did on Green’s late (“late” as in dead) talk show, Dr. Ruehl will present some of his famous mysteries concerning ufology, parapsychology, and cryptozoology as well as weird news items, entries from the world of bizarre medicine extracted from his "little black bag," cases from his Vault of Strange Deaths, and we hope, plugs for his pals at Tabloid Baby! He says he’ll also challenge the audience with his absorbing trivia questions!

Green’s show launches tonight at 11 p.m. Eastern 8 pm Pacific time, etc. The good Doctor will make his debut in a special edition tomorrow, Friday, June 16, same times. Then he’ll guest weekly on the regular Thursday episodes.

By our estimation, Green’s best work was in Barrymore's Charlie's Angels movie (a Hollywood classic), but his “Freddy Got Fingered” was incomprehensibly bent, with a sensibility that couldn't be labelled "comic," yet on some levels reached the plane of Yahoo Serious (a seriously underrated artist). What we remember about "Freddy" is Green’s pride in not including any fart jokes (a trait shared by the comedy smash, Cloud 9.)

Tap in to Green's website to see Tom and Dr. Ruehl!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The Ballad of Heather Mills & Patti Petite

With porny shots and risqué revelations multiplying faster than our crack staff could post them, we began to feel sorry for Paul McCartney’s naughty and nasty estranged Heather Mills. Almost.

Until we Googled “one-legged porn starlet” and happened upon the sad story of poor Patti Petite.

From 1985 to 1988, Patti was a very active porn star, blazing her way through dozens of X-rated films and videos like A Star Is Porn, Behind The Back Door, Bi & Large and Best of Rambone (titles that surely edge out the Sun's “Strawberry Feels Forever” and “Abbey Rude”).

According to the lively Excalibur Films website, Patti, like Heather Mills, “was one of the most rough and ready of all the 80's porno strumpets” and “a tenacious sexual athlete.”

Like Heather, her “…blonde hair framed a striking face, a vivacious visage whose sensual leers could raise the dead.”

Like Heather in her photo shoots, and allegedly in her relations with old Beatle Paul, “Patti always brought tons of full-throttle energy to her on-screen sexing… Her passion and enthusiasm were palpable, and she especially liked it when things were at their wildest…”

And tragically, like Heather, Patti Petite’s sexy shoot paydays were cut short, when in 1988, “she got into a car wreck while driving with fellow pornstress Tiffany Lane. Tiffany Lane died in the carnage, while Patti Petite was so severely injured that she had to have a leg amputated. The loss of her limb also proved to be the loss of her carnal career, as there was little call for a one-legged porn starlet at that time.”

Five years later, porny model Heather Mills would lose a leg when she was hit by a motorcycle cop while crossing the road!

But what a difference a few years, some brains, ambition, imagination and a lonely old recently-widowed ex-Beatle make. Heather would find the loss of her limb only helped in her walk to fame and fortune, leading to a career as a serious spokesmodel, and in fact posing no hindrance-- and according to some tabloid accounts may indeed have added some spice-- to her relationship with and eventual marriage to Paul McCartney.

All this, despite another bizarre coincidence: Leggy Mountbatten, manager of Neil Innes’ legendary Beatles parody group, The Rutles, “had lost a leg in the closing overs of World War Two!”

Heather, it could have been worse. Join Tabloid Baby in lifting a legful to Patti Petite, porn star-- the kind of the girl who makes the News of The World, years before Heather Mills.


They say it was a mild one.

But it's been a busy week for Jerry. Maybe too busy. Plans for Broadway immortality. The Friars roast. New shows. And The Telethon around the corner.

Pray for Jerry!

(Jerry is God. Read the ultimate Jerry Lewis behind-the-scenes stories here.)

(UPDATE: Jerry, what happened?

South Central Farmers: Another Dream Is Over

Greetings! The South Central Farm is under siege. If you live in LA or anywhere near there please make your way to the farm to keep the protesters and farmers safe… This is the Red Alert! The Sheriffs have begun and are carrying out the eviction!

That’s part of the email we got at the Tabloid Baby offices after waking up to see the TV news live shots (from safe in the sky) of LA County Sheriff’s deputies moving in to evict the farmers and protesters at the South Central Farm near downtown LA.

Daryl Hannah got the headlines (sadly still refered to as the "Splash" star) as lawmen in riot gear pulled her out of a tree and busted her and about forty others, shutting down the farm a week after it looked as if the farmers coalition had raised the money to buy out the landlord who'd recently gotten the land back from the city.

The folks who’ve turned that piece of downtown LA into an urban oasis, perhaps the largest urban garden in America, who grew their own food and fed their neighbors-- are making room for a warehouse.

We suppose that’s better than a parking lot. But not much better.

Our man Ross the Boss has kept us in the loop. And his documentary on the project has been a real hit on ifilm. It‘s gotten tens of thousands of viewings, and you should check it out to see what you've missed, and what we all will miss...

McCartney Crack-Up: New Heather sex pix!

The McCartney marriage fiasco only gets more interesting. As estranged wife Heather Mills threatens to sue the News of World over a story claiming she worked as a high-priced hooker, with clients including Arab princes and Adnan Khashoggi in her early years, the Sun tabloid has dug up--or been handed-- even more Heather sex photos, from yet another sex book published in 1988 (the "volume — with many pictures too filthy to print in a family newspaper— was published by New York firm Arlington and sold worldwide through an erotic book club") .

The British press is mauling poor Heather, and getting away with it for more than one reason. On one hand, there's affection for old Beatle Paul as he approaches 64. On the other, she's got a reputation as a not particularly nice person. The Brits love the Charles Dickens story of one-legged street urchins workign their way into the upper classes-- but not when the urchin forgets her humble roots. One of Tabloid Baby's UK producer pals worked with Heather on a project and says she kowtowed to the bosses but was a witch to the little folk. Her comeuppance shows there's real wisdom in the great Sam Butera's credo: "It's nice to be important, but it's important to be nice."

Meanwhile, old McCartney had been using his website to correct the most innocuous of news reports regarding the split, yet there's been nary a post since the destruction campaign began-- not even to defend his "Lady" against prostituion charges-- as her camp denies them.

Our theory? That McCartney's camp has a hand in it all. Those photos have been around--and so have the hooker stories and alleged witnesses. The Macca folk made sure they didn't surface when the marriage took place. But now that big divorce money is at stake, Heather has been nuked.

(See the latest Sun photos here.)

Monday, June 12, 2006

Jerry Lewis roasted at the Friars Club

His third time in the hot seat, Friday, at age 80.

(A tip of the Tabloid Baby hat to The Hollywood Reporter's Ray Richmond and his great Past Deadline site.)

Olivia finally responds to our McDermott scoop

More than three months after Tabloid Baby first reported that her presumed-dead “boyfriend” was seen alive in Mexico’s Baja peninsula, Olivia Newton-John has finally broken her silence on the news.

She's "thrilled."

But let's get back to my latest award...

The statement from the 57-year-old songbird came today as she accepted accolades for her appointment as an “Officer of the Order of Australia” in the Queen's Birthday honours list. Speaking on Australian television, Newton-John said she’d be “thrilled” if Patrick McDermott actually is in hiding.

McDermott, who was with Newton-John for nine years (whether on her payroll as a “beard” or as her actual lover has not been addressed), was thought to have drowned off the coast of California almost a year ago-- until evidence uncovered by Tabloid Baby, and recently supported by Aussie journo Nick Papps, suggested he faked his death and is in hiding in Mexico.

"It's obviously very distressing for everyone in the family. We just miss him and love him and we'd be thrilled if it's true," Newton-John said.

But her award was the main topic. "I'm sad that he wasn't here to enjoy this. He'd be very proud of this," she said of McDermott, whose disappearance she never reported.

She mentioned no plans to join the search in Mexico.