Now The New York Times catches up with Tabloid Baby's coverage of Howard Stern's irrelevance and probable return to free radio

We've been discussing the disappearance and irrelevance of former radio star Howard Stern for about three years now, since he abandoned his loyal audience for a cashout in the private world of pay satellite radio. All signs have pointed to Stern's eventual return to free radio and this year's proliferation of free Internet radio is hastening the eventuality.

The Los Angeles Times followed our lead in October. This morning, the New York Times shared the writing on the wall.

Some highlights:

The New York Times
December 28, 2008

Satellite Radio Still Reaches for the Payday

By TIM ARANGO

DID you hear what Howard Stern said the other day? Neither did we. But we read about it on a blog.

Mr. Stern, the ribald radio jock who once commanded attention with each off-color utterance and obscene joke, mused recently on the air that he was thinking of retiring when his contract expires in two years. “This is my swan song,” he said.

Back in the day when Mr. Stern was on free radio and had an audience of 12 million, that remark would have cascaded through the media universe. But by switching to satellite radio three years ago, Mr. Stern swapped cultural cachet for big money.

Then — poof! — Mr. Stern all but disappeared. Even Jay Leno, during a recent interview with The New York Times about his decision to stay at NBC to host a prime-time show, cited Mr. Stern as an example of the dangers of obscurity.

…Mr. Stern’s retirement chatter did get one group talking: investors fretting over the fate of Sirius XM Radio, the satellite radio company that has been Mr. Stern’s home for the past three years.

Today, five months after regulators approved a merger of Sirius and XM, satellite radio’s pioneers and former rivals, in a deal that was supposed to deliver their industry to the promised land of profits and permanence, the company faces an uncertain future.

Although Mr. Stern brought listeners and prominence to Sirius, the move had a steep cost. His blockbuster, $500 million, five-year deal fueled a high-stakes competition between the two services that contributed to Sirius XM’s current bind.

…The company has never turned a profit and cannot predict when it ever will. Cap that with the struggles of Detroit — the bulk of new satellite radio subscribers come from partnerships with automakers — and you have a set of obstacles that Sirius XM has to overcome at the very moment the recession seems to be deepening.

The satellite radio industry… is facing a media environment that is shifting toward cheaply distributed content over the Internet.

…Who needs satellites… when the world is wired for broadband and Wi-Fi?

Mel Karamzin, the combative, longtime radio man who is the company’s chief executive… asks: “Would I like to have seen Howard get less money? Yes. But I think any company that deals with content would say the same thing.”

Mr. Karmazin, when asked if he thinks Mr. Stern has lost his place in the culture, says: “I think the size of the audience is less today. And I think one of the things Howard was looking forward to with the merger is that we’ll have twice as many subscribers potentially available to listen to him.”

Mr. Stern declined to be interviewed for this article, but his travails are emblematic of satellite radio and Sirius XM’s own shrinking horizons.

It seems that if Mr. Stern were to stay beyond his current contract, which expires at the end of 2010, he would have to accept less money, given the finances of the company and the fact that there are no longer two satellite radio companies battling each other…

“I’m starting to think that he might actually retire,” says Mark Mercer, who since the mid-1990s has written a daily blog about the Stern show, which has become a nearly minute-by-minute account of each program.

…Even Mr. Mercer, as diehard a Stern fan as there is, acknowledges that Mr. Stern’s gig doesn’t have the same influence it once did.

“Once you get used to hearing it on Sirius, it’s not as shocking as it was when you heard him on terrestrial radio and they’d be bleeping him out,” he says.

PETITION: KEEP BONADUCE ON L.A. RADIO!

We reported last month that Los Angeles radio personality Danny Bonaduce might be leaving his role on the execrable Adam Carolla Radio Show for an afternoon gig at WLUP radio in Chicago. Though reports last week state he’ll be staying with the Carolla show in LA, insiders tell us his future here is still up in the air (he could host the Chicago show from an LA studio, just as Jonathon Brandmeier once hosted KLSX's show from Chicago)-- and fans on the Carolla message board note that Carolla and his battered radio wife Teresa Strasser have openly marginalized Bonaduce even further lately.

At their request, we’ve started the following petition:

Dear CBS Radio bosses:

Please do not allow Danny Bonaduce to leave the Adam Carolla Radio Show and Los Angeles and take a job in Chicago!

Danny is the sole ray of light in an extended dark morning, and the one brighting shining hope for talk radio since Howard Stern left the business almost two years ago.

Danny's personal history and experience in Hollywood have only added to his character and personality. His ability to cut through radio artifice and speak straight from the heart about his personal troubles, from his addictions to failed marriage, not only inspire thousands of listeners but make for compelling, appointment radio (much more so than Carolla’s latest regurgitated “rant” about traffic signal lights).

Danny Bonaduce is a great radio personality who follows in the tradition— and combines the best-- of Jean Shepherd, Garrison Keillor, Michael Savage and Howard Stern himself. And, as his on-air treatment by Carolla indicates, he is more than ready to take over your KLSX morning radio slot on his own.

If the competition in Chicago is really so hard-up to fill a hosting slot, please offer Adam Carolla instead (and give Danny the KLSX morning slot). They can save transportation costs by letting Carolla do the show from a studio or his home in LA, as Jonathon Brandmeier used to do.

Also, please give Danny the Frosty Heidi and Frank slot. Now.

Sincerely,


______________
A KLSX Listener

Print this post, cut out the petition and mail it to

DAN MASON
President and CEO
CBS Radio
1515 Broadway
New York, NY 10036

Or cut and paste it to the CBS Radio comments page here.

Or post your comments here and we’ll pass them on.

Howard Stern will return to free radio

Prediction: Howard Stern will be back on terrestrial radio. And soon. He'll continue doing his pay-radio show, but simulcast the first three hours, with necessary bleeps, on free FM radio, and he'll make even more money doing so. Just wait. It was in the cards from the start.

Since he left the airwaves for pay-radio in January, radio hasn’t been the same and Stern has become instantly irrelevant. He'll pop up in a magazine to complain about lost listeners or in the papers to claim he’d fended off a deranged mugger, but as far as American culture and the everyday agenda is concerned, he’s dead. Gone.

But as his girlfriend's fame begins to eclipse his own hard-fought glory, Stern continues to do the same old radio show. Take a look at Stern’s website and see that with the exception of a smattering of f-words and heavier sexual and gross-out content, it’s basically the same show, without the listeners. Howard has become Rupert Pupkin, doing a show in his basement.

Meanwhile, his free-radio replacements have bombed, big time. Adam Carolla has the worst, most amateurish, self-indulgent, boring, dunderheaded morning radio show in Los Angeles (the way he talked over Dick Cavett with his motormouth, memorized observational bits Thursday morning was grounds for immediate dismissal), and finally lays bare the Kimmel-Carolla comic genius scam (the bosses should give talk radio hotshot Johnny Wendell a go. He has ideas for the morning). And in New York City, poor David Lee Roth was finally fired yesterday.

Roth’s spot in New York and several other major CBS stations will be filled by Opie and Anthony, who currently do a morning show on XM Satellite Radio— Stern’s rival. Starting as early as next week, they’ll reportedly do a 6-9 a.m. simulcast on XM and WFNY, then additional hours only for XM, where the lack of FCC content guidelines permits much more explicit language and graphic content.

That’s what Stern will be doing soon: simulcasting his Sirius show on free radio, then carrying on satellite the rest of the morning.

Stern once kvetched about radio restraints. Opie & Anthony were actually kicked off radio for a sex-in-St.Patrick’s-Cathedral stunt, and went to satellite long before Howard. They’ve experienced the frustration of being forgotten. Now they've set the stage for Stern's return.

By the way, the experts have said that Howard lost ten million listeners and no one can figure out where they went. After four months of surfing the AM and FM dials, through Stephanie Miller (good) and Mancow (very bad) and even Mark & Brian (weird—they spend hours in the morning simply playing Pop Quiz—like they’re killing time on a bus) while waiting for five minutes of Paul Harvey, this listener got an iPod.

(See Stern's gal Beth O here)

Carolla stunt backfires! Cohost Danny Bonaduce gets his own radio show while Carolla is forced to fend for himself in the mornings...

Pouting radio boremeister Adam Carolla's sickout last week from his morning radio show heard in Los Angeles and other markets on the west coast has backfired as his professional cohost Danny Bonaduce has been cut loose from the second banana role and elevated to own afternoon radio show.

Bonaduce's forced entry onto the Carolla team a year ago led to blossoming ratings, new energy and unprecedented relevance for the struggling monotonous replacement for Howard Stern's broadcast. But despite the intelligence and wit Bonaduce brought to the proceedings, Carolla's jealousy has been evident on air in recent months, especially after Bonaduce began to receive rave reviews for his raw-nerved honesty in wake of his divorce, new television deals and public controversy that only raised his own profile while dragging the show along behind him. Last week, Carolla "called in sick," hoping to force his bosses to return creative control and to boost his salary, as they had rewarded Bonaduce.

As a result, the CBS Radio suits showed they've been watching this space, and have done what we'd asked them to do in October-- they've given Bonaduce his own afternoon show, stealing an hour from the mirthless laughfest of Frosty, Heidi and Frank.

Carolla will get one last chance on his own, along with a subservient female "newsreader" and sexual punching bag who also works for the television show based on the corporate porn-pushing gossip site TMZ.com. While Carolla's firt season was filled with a cast of lowbrow braying buddies and concocted "characters," we'll bet he will again be saddled with a bright professional radio sidekick.

The news release arrived this morning:

CBS RADIO PRESS ROOM

December 21, 2007

CBS RADIO RENEWS "THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW"

Weekday Morning Program Broadcast On Several CBS RADIO Stations Earning Its Best Ratings Ever

Featured Contributor Danny Bonaduce To Host His Own Afternoon Radio Program On KLSX-FM

On the heels of its outstanding summer ratings, CBS RADIO delivered more good news for Adam Carolla. The Company announced today it has signed a multi-year contract extension with Adam that positions the funny-man solidly in the highly competitive Los Angeles market for years to come.

THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW can be heard on its flagship station, 97.1 KLSX-FM, weekday mornings from 6:00-10:00AM, PT, and can also be found on KUFO-FM in Portland and KXTE-FM in Las Vegas. In addition, the show is simulcast on www.adamcarolla.com, as well as the websites of KLSX (www.971freefm.com), KUFO (www.kufo.com), and KXTE (www.xtremeradio.com). THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW is also syndicated through Westwood One in several major markets, including Seattle, Sacramento and Fresno, among others.

“Two years ago morning radio went through a seismic change, one that granted Adam Carolla the opportunity to launch his own unique style of entertainment in a coveted time slot,” said Chris Oliviero, Vice President of Programming, CBS RADIO. “THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW has far exceeded our expectations and proven to be a listener favorite. We are thrilled to continue our relationship with Adam, and anticipate even more success for the program in the years to come.”

“I'm incredibly excited to continue my relationship with the fine folks at CBS RADIO,” said Carolla. “Launching a new show is never an easy task, but I feel like the past two years have laid the cement foundation and I'm now ready to throw the house warming party. I'm looking forward to returning to work on January 2, just not at 5:30 in the morning.”

The Adam Carolla Show began broadcasting in January 2005 and has steadily gained listeners to become one of the top shows among its target demographic of Men 25-54. According to Arbitron’s summer ratings, The Adam Carolla Show had its highest morning drive numbers in Los Angeles since the shows debut, and ranked in the top five with Men 18-34 and Men 25-54 General Market. Additionally, the program has gained a loyal following among female listeners.

In a related announcement, contributing show member Danny Bonaduce will relinquish his role on THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW and begin hosting his own program on KLSX. Positioned between the highly rated Frosty, Heidi & Frank Show (10:00AM-2:00PM) and industry icon Tom Leykis’ program (3:00-8:00PM), BROADCASTING BONADUCE: THE DANNY BONADUCE SHOW will premiere Wednesday, Jan. 2, 2008 on-air and online from 2:00-3:00PM, PT. Teresa Strasser will continue to contribute to the station’s morning drive program with Adam Carolla.

“This announcement will maximize Danny’s exposure on the station and the web where he has a national following. He has brought much excitement and entertainment to THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW and we expect him to bring the same enthusiasm to the afternoon time slot,” said Jack Silver, Vice President of Programming, KLSX.

* * *

Regarding Howard: The "mainstream" media catches up with Taboid Baby on Stern's irrelevance and probable return to "free" radio

We've been writing for a couple of years about Howard Stern's irrelevance that began the moment he left free radio and sold out to a paid satellite system, and have predicted that he would eventually return in some form to "free FM." Now the "mainstream" media, in the form of The Los Angeles Times, is catching up. Greg Braxton writes in tomorrow's paper:

Howard Stern loses listeners--
and influence -- on satellite radio

Howard Stern, the self-proclaimed King of All Media, has lost his crown.

The shock jock's syndicated morning radio show once drew a national audience of 12 million, but since jumping to satellite radio three years ago, his listeners have dwindled to a fraction of that. Where once Stern routinely commanded a parade of Hollywood's hottest stars -- George Clooney, Johnny Depp, Julia Roberts -- today publicists are left to tout studio appearances by the likes of Chevy Chase, Joan Rivers or Hulk Hogan.

Stern, weary of fighting the Federal Communications Commission over hefty fines and charges of indecency on his terrestrial show, wanted creative independence on the unregulated airwaves of satellite. He got it -- and a lucrative five-year contract worth hundreds of million of dollars.

But for a 54-year-old man who once likened his youthful craving for media attention to a heroin addiction, the move may have come with unintended consequences. Along with the loss of a massive daily radio audience, Stern has also watched as his past triumphs of a hit movie, bestselling books and huge pay-per-view television specials recede into memory.

So far, the radio personality's leap from traditional media to a niche platform has come at a heavy price -- namely, cultural relevancy. Unlike an Arianna Huffington, who vastly increased her reach on her upstart website, Stern's place in the national conversation has been reduced to a murmur in the din of the exploding entertainment universe.

"It's like Howard went from playing Madison Avenue to playing an upscale off-Broadway concert hall for a lot of money," said Tom Taylor, executive news editor at Radio-Info.com, which tracks the radio industry. "He made a Faustian bargain. He got everything he wanted in terms of money and not being bothered by the FCC, but he lost the bulk of his audience."

...Radio analysts... estimated the actual size of Stern's daily satellite audience to be between 1 million and 2 million.

Stern's program today is much like it was.... and despite the enhanced autonomy, the language is only a bit more coarse and the sexual discussions slightly more explicit.

"The show has a lot of sameness, though he definitely has a lot more freedom now," Taylor said. "There's a sense talking to the people who know him that he is aware that he's isolated. But he knew this would happen."

With a reduced audience, Stern's show is no longer a prime stop on the major film promotion circuit. And the A-list guests who used to submit to Stern's biting personal questions in order to hype their projects have become scarce...

It's a far cry from previous years, when from the bully pulpit of his radio show, Stern anointed himself as "The King of All Media"...

Since Stern's departure from terrestrial radio, rumors have periodically circulated that the shock jock will return to his terrestrial radio roots. Stern has dismissed the talk, but his current contract expires in 2010. What then?

Nowhere Man: Howard Stern falls off power list

Remember Howard Stern? A couple of years ago, he was the most powerful man in radio, a vital part of pop culture, and an influential voice in politics and the news. Then he sold out, took bags of money to perform on a private paid system, and left his morning slots to the likes of David Lee Roth and the execrable Adam Carolla. Instantly, Howard no longer mattered. For that reason, he will ultimately return to “free” radio in one form or another.

And the latest issue of Vanity Fair magazine will certainly hasten the process. Howard has been dropped from the magazine’s annual list of the world’s most powerful people.

THE NEW ESTABLISHMENT – VANITY FAIR’s 100

HOWARD STERN (last year: 55) The shock jock earned $302 million lst year, more than Oprah and J.K. Rowling combined, but while Sirius hs been a financial boon, its smaller, subscription audience has diminished Stern’s visibility and impact: the radio trade publication Talkers Magazine demoted him from No. 1 to No. 12 on its list of important gabbers.

Meanwhile, Dimitri Dimitrov, a key figure on the book Tabloid Baby, is named to the list as one of one of the world’s most powerful maitre d’s.

And by the way, did anyone notice that Phil Hendrie is back on the radio? While Howard was the most important figure on radio, Hendrie was the most brilliant and distorted, running a call-in talk show in which he played most of the guests, and relied on idiots in the audience to believe the guests were real and phone to argue their outrageous views. But like all stars in the radio business, Hendrie longed for “legitimate” success, and after snagging a role on a crummy NBC sitcom, announced in April of last year that he was quitting radio to pursue an acting career.

A month later, the crummy sitcom was canceled, and apparently by the summer of 2007, he needed a regular paycheck again. We hit the wrong channel on our cable TV last week and heard his voice on one the radio channels. A little research showed he’s signed with the Talk Radio network, which also runs people like the hilarious Michael Savage and that conservative lady Laura Ingraham, who has a voice that’s so grating and annoying that we change the station by reflex.

We didn’t know about Hendrie’s show because it's not airing on LA radio (pinheads!). We do hear he’s fancied himself a political voice andas a result does less radio theatre, but it’s refreshing to see that he didn’t sell his soul to the subscription bosses like Howard did.

Exclusive: Adam Carolla fans in a panic

Is Adam Carolla finally leaving morning radio? For once, the monotonous morning radio offender is keeping his trap shut, and the void is being filled by anguished squeals of panic from fans on his message board. Carolla's unusual absence from broadcasts this week— and the unprecedented decision to allow second banana Danny Bonaduce run the show with Carolla’s weepy, depressed newsgirl-- have fueled speculation that the self-proclaimed "genius" is playing a game of chicken with his CBS Radio overlords— a game, sources say, he is about to lose.

Carolla, formerly Jimmy Kimmel’s sidekick on the fake-macho Man Show and hero to the overweight, underlaid xenophobic woman-fearing fratboy crowd, was promoted heavily as a “genius” comedian when he was handed Howard Stern’s morning slot in LA and other west coast stations two years ago. But an amateurish, immature and grating presentation resulted in low ratings, and in January 2007, led CBS Radio bosses to yank creative control, fire his on-air staff, and install radio pro, former child star and tabloid figure Bonaduce as co-host.

Bonaduce’s presence, honesty and knack for generating publicity led to a ratings rise, while at the same time an on-air insult and cold shoulder campaign by Carolla and his female newsreader. We reported exclusively in October that Carolla was ready to walk away from the radio show to concentrate on more suitable pursuits and despite refutations from his fans, the story has apparently come to pass.

As speculation intensified this week and the insider site LA Radio.com reported on the possibility that Carolla is out, The Official Adam Carolla Show Message Board, run and censored by CBS Radio, is banning commenters who support Bonaduce or who link to news posts on sites like this one, while other commenters point to indications that Carolla himself is monitoring fan reaction and commenting under a pseudonym.

And today, with no official explanation from their leader, fans are in a real tizzy, as reflected in this post from Carolla fan “Jericho”:

OK people, enough talk. Time for action. It seems quite obvious to me that something is going down and Adam's fans need to show their support. Jack's bosses may or may not be checking out this message board, so we need to take the message straight to management. And don't think this effort would be in vain.

There was a similar situation with Loveline a few years back and it seems like us sploozers over at The Loveline Companion may have actually made a difference...

I'll summarize. Adam was in contract negotiations and many people from the Companion message board contacted the bigwigs at Westwood One and Adam got a raise and stayed with Loveline until he got the morning show. According to reliable sources, the support from the community had at least some influence on the contract extension.

So, I suggest the campaign begins. First, we start doing some research to find e-mail addresses and phone numbers of CBS radio management and post them here. Then everyone writes or phones with their respectful, intelligent support of Ace. If you slam anyone, give well thought out, coherent arguments about why you don't like them. Writing "Adam rulz!! Danny and Jack suck it!!!!" won't help. Put some thought into what you say/write…

Here's a list of e-mail addresses to start with. I think this may get you to some of the top dogs at CBS. Dan Mason is the President and CEO, apparently. E-mail him and cc the others. Hopefully some of you will add more people at CBS as well as sponsors…

(--NOTE: Email addresses omitted--)

Also, the physical address and phone number of corporate HQ:

CBS RADIO
1515 Broadway
New York, NY 10036
212-***-****

Act quickly. Time is of the essence.

Replied a commenter called "mr421":

DONE and DONE. i already got an auto-reply from one of the dudes saying he was not available.

Ironically, our own petition in support of Bonaduce helped convince CBS Radio bosses to keep him from ankling to Chicago, and give him the substantial salary boost and contract extension that has apparently led Carolla to see the writing on the wall.

Stay tuned.

(Carolla's show goes on an ill-advised hiatus beginning Monday. Live broadcasts, with on air staff TBA, won't resume until January 2nd. The Carolla staff massacre took place during last year's hiatus).

Life after Howard

Howard Stern has five radio shows to go before he possibly disappears from the mainstream public eye and ear (I’ve checked out some of that Sirius equipment at Best Buy and it looks like a lot of work that only a month of bad car radio will force us to look into). Howard's goodbye seemed to peak the week before his Thanksgiving vacation, but this last week of shows will be historic in any case.

We’ll miss him. In the meantime, what’s the future of radio?

The view from LA:

THE GOOD

Phil Hendrie: He may be the most brilliant talent in all of show business right now.

And his take on the talk show never gets boring.

The best.




Michael Savage: The most hilarious radio personality out there.

Savage is a lunatic, and his hair-trigger ascents to screaming rants are hysterical.

It doesn’t matter what side of the political spectrum he’s from.

The fact that his real name is Michael Weiner and that he once ran a flower shop and wrote love letters to Allen Ginsberg only adds to the wackiness.








Johnny Wendell: Punk rocker turned music journalist turned smart liberal radio talk show host.

Johnny works himself up into his own rages on the air, but it’s absurdity and unfairness that gets him going. He’s on the local Air America station, and his audience and scope will grow.



Steve Jones: Punk rocker turned Sunset Strip guitarist turned rock ‘n’ roll deejay. They give him a sidekick to translate his Cockney mumblings, but his snorting, farting, gurgling amateurishness is part of what keeps us tuned in. He plays old music hall & Benny Hill 45s, then picks up an acoustic guitar and bangs out a rock ‘n’ roll parody in the key of the original that follows. Inspired casting.

Stephanie Miller: Nice Sixties-style comedy lady does a funny, smart morning show with a good impressionist.







THE BAD

Mancow: First of all, that name is very disturbing. Man Cow. Supposedly it’s a nickname from college, but it brings to mind a hermaphroditic guy with breasts (which, photos indicate, he does indeed resemble). I don’t get it. And I don’t get the Mancow act. His show reeks of racist, homophobic, jock-sniffing, evangelical Christian right wing creepiness, it’s always got this Nazi heavy metal guitar crunching in the background, he’s got a guy who imitates Lewis Black, prank phone calls that aren’t funny, and when he’s not picking on poor people like New Orleans victims, he’s saying degrading things about his wife. He tries to be Howard, but he’s the anti-Howard. This guy really blows.

John & Ken: These reactionary nitwits play up racism and anti-immigrant hysteria for ratings. We hope Tookie Williams escapes from prison and climbs into their bedroom windows. That would make good radio.

Sean Hannity: I don’t believe this guy is a true conservative. I think he’s a college radio dork who jumped on the conservative bandwagon because he didn’t fit in with the music hipsters and came up with an angle. When he slips in references to his good pals Ollie North, Charlie Daniels and Phyllis Schlafly, this literal lowbrow reveals how out of touch and stupid he is.



Larry Elder: Listen to his show and realize he’s the one major league talk show host who yells at, then hangs up on, his listeners when they make good points that disagree with his. He seems to be afraid of real debate and his bits with his mother are not revealing. Dull.




THE SAD...

Conway & Whitman: Tim Conway Jr. and his partner Doug Steckler worked a long time to develop a very dry comedy chemistry that even took the edge off their “What the hell is Jesse Jackson saying?” bit. It worked because Steckler was a weird old guy who’d last touched the big time writing for SCTV more than twenty years ago, and Conway was, well, Tim Conway’s kid who spent his days at the racetrack. Then, weirdly, Steckler quit or was fired and Conway just carried on with a new partner, radio voice man Brian Whitman. They still do the Jesse Jackson bit (and for some reason they use this really heavy compression on their voices, making them sound like they’re caught in Cousin Brucie’s echo chamber). But they're just a dull radio team, two contemporaries teamed arbitrarily like "Frosty, Heidi & Frank" or Peter Tilden and his cohorts on the country station.

(NOT SAD)

At least Tilden is a lesson in how not to lose your dignity or patronize your audience when your situation changes. He made his reputation doing smart talk radio. He became a morning country music jock. And he doesn't sound like a country jock. He sounds like a smart talk radio guy. But he plays it straight. And funny. Too bad most of the music is terrible. But that's a different story and it's coming from a country fan.

Why are Mark & Brian still on the radio?

Adam Carolla isn't doing himself any favors by running a week's worth of weak repeat segments and labelling it The Best of The Adam Carolla Show. Stripped of the extraneous chatter of morning radio and laid bare in all their thinness, his monotonal improvised "rants" and sophomoric "bits" don't play out well at all, and he's especially exposed when he tries to parody a professional AM deejay (a switch that Howard Stern would do with frightening skill when he was still on the radio) or strip club announcer (in a recurring segment), showing that despite his years as second banana on the "Loveline" program, Carolla's never mastered the vocal techniques or quick-witted improvisational skills that a radio pro relies on. We await the elevation of "sidekick" Danny Bonaduce.

But forget Carolla. Here's the question: What are Mark & Brian still doing on morning drive radio in Los Angeles?

The pair have obviously thrown in the towel. For more than a year now, they've wasted hours of valuable airtime, killing time by playing question-and-answer games with people on the phone and the studio crew. Hours.

Question: What links Lake Erie and The Hudson River?
Answer: The Erie Canal.

This goes on every morning: hours spent playing Trivial Pursuit with outdated Who Wants To Be A Millionaire sound effects, as if they're in a prison cell or bus station-- anywhere but a radio studio connected to a powerful transmitter. And this morning, they upped the time-killing ante, announcing they'll soon waste even more airtime with a version of Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader!

This pair of insincere old-school jocks from the Deep South got a mention in Tabloid Baby as the type of soft maudlin morning radio that was swept aside by Stern's arrival in the LA market. But now, with Stern in obscurity, M&B, like a two-headed version of Inside Edition, linger on toward their 20 year anniversary on 95.5 KLOS Radio, obviously sitting out til the end of their contract.

We haven't even mentioned that the final hour of each morning's show is often taken up by a replay of an interview they did in the Nineties (including a recent talk with dead man Don Knotts)!

Who's allowing them to kill time like a couple of retirees on a park bench?

Give the slot to Johnny Wendell. Let him go up against Bonaduce. That would make LA a morning radio town again.

Exclusive! Is Adam Carolla ready to quit radio?

In its recent sloppy servicing of putative radio personality Adam Carolla ("L.A.'s most provocative radio host?" Calling Phil Hendrie and Johnny Wendell...), Los Angeles magazine notes that the ratings for the execrable Adam Carolla Radio Show's "are below those earned by KROQ’s Kevin and Bean, KIIS-FM’s Ryan Seacrest, and KLOS’s Mark and Brian. This summer Carolla lost stations in Phoenix and San Diego. Nevertheless, KLSX vice president of programming Jack Silver remains a believer. 'Los Angeles is all that matters” he says, 'and Adam is making strides here. It takes time to build an audience. Adam is running a marathon, and we’re there with him.' In the fall the station plans to extend Carolla’s contract at $2 million a year..."

But is Carolla ready to drop out of the marathon? At a time when the undereducated blowhard and and his battered female sidekick Teresa Strasser are mounting a too-obvious push to dump second banana Danny Bonaduce-- a juiced Stanley Siegel-Howard Stern-Tom Leykis combination whose raw-nerve honesty and broadcast smarts have him perched on the ledge of radio greatness-- we hear on great authority from a Carolla colleague that he may soon walk away from the embarrassing foray into morning radio.

This source is not connected with the radio show, but with other projects Carolla is very keen on. Carolla is said to be less than enthused about the radio gig and considering the option of moving on. With a movie in the can and partner Jimmy Kimmel offering new lucrative TV projects that don't require getting up in the middle of the night for what must be an unsatisfying gig boring thousands from a dingy studio, Carolla could do us all a favor by taking his leave and handing the show over to Danny.

Our bet is that the two million dollars-- two million dollars? Can you believe that?-- will convince him to stay put with his second-rate Gene Scott act.

But no bullshit, Carollaheads, the story is true!

John & Ken: Dangerous douchebags

LOS ANGELES (TB) We don’t sign petitions. We don’t jump on bandwagons. Let’s start a petition and start the bandwagon rolling to remove those racist buffoons “John & Ken” from Los Angeles radio.

The afternoon drive team on KFI 640 AM are dangerously out of touch. They’re dangerous. They actively spread hate toward the majority of our Los Angeles-area neighbors.

And they suck!

Back in November, we referred to them as "a couple of assholes, boobs who like to pick on poor people: Chardonnay racists, cappuccino bigots, cynical blue collar blockheads who cater to the misplaced anger of middle-class male commuters in Mercedes, while kissing Arnold Schwarzenegger’s ass because he’s in power."

Not bad. And though profanity appeared in the book, Tabloid Baby, we can only be provoked to use it in this public forum. However, "John & Ken," radio performers on reactionary KFI radio, continue to stir hate, and deserve the most basic description.

Their performance this evening, amid immigrant demonstrations in their city, took them over the top and down the drain. They've proven themselves to be shameful, hateful douchebags.

What's worse? They're phonies.

As we know by now, the demonstrations went off with almost nary a hitch. Hundreds of thousands of immigrants, undocumented immigrants, illegal aliens-- whatever you want to call them -- people who help raise our kids, wash our dishes, blow our leaves, pick our fruit, people who are a vital part of the reality economy of Southern California-- took to the street in an All-American rally to protest the prospect of being treated as felons. We raise our glass.

Like many Angelenos, we'd approached the day with caution, expecting traffic jams and riots in the streets on the drive to the office. We’ve lived through riots and traffic jams, quakes and thunder showers. In what turned out to be the best case scenario, we found the 10 freeway from the beach into Hollywood was a clean shot this morning, because many of our neighbors took the day off, in solidarity or because they were afraid of what they might confront in “town.”

Mornings, we live on car radio. This morning, Mexican immigrant and hero (and Cloud 9 star) Paul Rodriguez tried to get a word in edgewise with Adam Carolla. Mark & Brian played their weird pop quiz, two guys waiting for a train.

At 8:59, Paul Harvey covered the protests in his final “For what it’s worth” item: angry, making it clear that non-citizens did not deserve his lead story while citizens die in Iraq. He’s old. He’s Paul Harvey. He was drummed out of the Army on a Section 8. Something's happening here and we can't expect him to know what it is. We hit the Herb Alpert CD.

Yeah, the traffic was light. Because the rest of us altered our driving schedules and routes.

Heading home: AM radio. No excuse for scumbags “John & Ken,” who dedicated important airtime to ridiculing the protesters, Mexicans, Mexican culture, Mexican Americans, and our neighbors-- and encouraging KFI newspeople to do the same. Two rich white wimpy radio stars making fun of the families who took to the streets in defense of their livelihoods and worth, people who make John & Ken's upper class lives so comfortable (“John,” the straightman of the pair, once rode in our town’s July Fourth parade, so we know of his comfort and its support).

The “callers” they put on the air were despicable; especially the woman who identified herself as a school teacher, happy she could teach a class on a day the Spanish-speaking kids stayed home.

What’s most disgusting is that these two wimpy pot-bellied balding nerds don’t mean it.. They’re doing hate radio for ratings. Dividing the city and inflaming someone to possibly drive a pickup truck into a crowd of families for ratings Michael Savage is good radio because he’ s gloriously unhinged. Same with Janeane Garafalo. Phil Hendrie is a legitimate politically incorrect angry genius. These two guys are punks.

Proof? Tune in Fridays when Ken, or maybe John, reads his “movie review” of the week. He or someone who works for him writes a high-school-level movie review and he reads it like a kid trying not even to be Ebert but Roeper, all sincere and revealing his white middlebrow not-even-radical tastes and views. Mr. Big Hatemonger is simply a Hollywood wannabe nerd.

That about says it all.

Do we need this hate in Los Angeles today?

KFI AM 640
3400 W Olive Ave Ste 550
Burbank CA 91505
Business Office: (818) 559-2252

Hate radio gives way to Sinatra & company

For about a year now, the sixth radio button in our car was set to KGIL 1260 AM in Los Angeles. That's where, while punching among Randi Rhodes, Sean Hannity, Michael Medved, Ron Reagan Jr. and Stephanie Miller, we'd get our doses of hate from Glenn Beck and Lars Larson and settle in for old school jazzman hilarity from Michael Savage, the crackpot hipster who offers the most inspired, personal, nuttiest radio since the passing of the late Howard Stern.

On weekends, when the other stations were selling nutritional aids, KGIL would switch to standards-- songs of people like Frank Sinatra, Louis Prima, Rosemary Clooney, Diana Krall and Mel Torme.

Now, suddenly, the hate is gone and only the songs remain. For the past week or so, the station's been switched to an all-standards format, and while much has been written about the all-news station KFWB switching this month to all-talk and Dr. Laura, we haven't seen any word of this revolution, which should have made big news amid the Savage British ban and Glenn Beck boycott alone.


In any case, it's brilliant, and with our AM radio buttons bookended by Radio Disney and Radio Dino, the only real downside is that it doesn't come with FM audio. On a ride to the store tonight, we heard Sammy Davis Jr., Lou Rawls & Dianne Reeves and Sinatra singing That's Life, while a couple of nights ago we heard a great guitar tune and used Shazam to identify it as Off Key, the English language version of Antonio Carlos Jobim's Desifinado performed by John Pizzarelli. We bought it on iTunes.

It turns out the official changeover takes place tomorrow.

(Wikipedia says: "KGIL (1260 AM) is a radio station licensed to Beverly Hills, California... On August 27, 2009, the station switched to a mix of oldies and adult standards as "Retro 1260." As of August 31, Mike Sakellarides, heard for 25 years on KOST-FM, is the new morning man, followed in middays by former KKGO DJ Nick Tyler. Jeff Serr, formerly of KMGG, KBIG, and KODJ, does afternoons. Retro 1260 emphasizes vocals and plays Elvis Presley, Sam Cooke, the Beatles, and the Beach Boys, as well as Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, Steve Tyrell, and Michael Feinstein. As of September 4, 2009, KGIL streams online at http://1260.am/.")

What's right with Conway & Whitman's radio show illustrates what's so wrong with Adam Carolla's

You should have heard Tim Conway Jr. and Brian Whitman, the night team on KLSX Radio in LA (where Adam Carolla whiles away the mornings) break down Larry King’s Snoop Dogg interview last night. It was a casual radio classic: two guys stopping and starting a tape and riffing on it, cracking each other up, and in the process, entertaining a wide audience.

As we were laughing out loud in the car, we realized that what’s right about these two guys, paired up by management in 2005 after Conway’s partner, old Midwestern comedy writer Dennis Ray Steckler was bounced, demonstrate what’s so wrong about the failed yet highly-paid morning man.

Among other serious deficiencies, Carollas’s got no one to bounce jokes or ideas off. Since he maneuvered the ouster of Danny Bonaduce, a cohost who was more than his equal in experience and charisma (yet who gamely took the second chair), he continues his self-indulgent monotony in a vacuum. His fawning, self-described “news girl” is like a nervous beaten puppy, trying to please her master by parroting the ends of his sentences, while the only other on air voices are those of crew members who act like members of a jock club of which Carolla is president.

In a radio roundup a few years back, weeks before Carolla was handed the microphone, we’d listed Conway & Whitman under “Sad” because of the way they’d simply carried on the Conway-Steckler shtick and bits. In the time since, though, they’ve developed their own chemistry and style, and when they’re doing live shows from bars or casinos, urging women to pull off their shirts, they’ve settled into a rare, classic talk radio groove. Conway has always been one of the driest, most cynical old school wits in radio, more Hollywood Park than Hollywood, and Whitman, a radio impressionist, is quick and very funny, with a very good Rick Dees.

One sour note: We almost didn’t make it to the Larry King bit, thanks to a bit, featuring a woman called “Robin” reading the news in an exaggerated Margaret Dumont voice, that was so annoying we’d switched stations until she went away. Whether she’s a consultant’s addition, someone's wife or another Whitman voice, she needs to go.

You can probably find Conway & Whitman's King-Snoop (and "Robin with the news") segment here.

Steve Powers makes the Daily News

Steve Powers taught us the television news business. Blame him.

Steve's the guy who took the time to show us how to write news copy, how to write the way people talk. And along the way he's been a great pal. Dr. Steve Powers, Ph.D, co-author of the book How To Watch TV News, even wrote some nice words for the book jacket copy of Tabloid Baby. He's not only one of the best newsmen in New York City, he's a true renaissance man and musician who's quitting his day job after a career that went from radio to the top of the television news business as reporter and anchorman at WNEW's legendary 10 O'Clock News, to a catbird's seat in the New York Times newsroom as the formerly Gray Lady's voice on WQXR Radio in Times Square-- with a stop in tabloid television along the way.

Steve left WQXR to get back to his book writing and so he got an article in the NY Daily News today:

From JFK to 'QXR: Powers signs off

By DAVID HINCKLEY

Steve Powers, who just retired after 45 years as a New York radio and TV newsman, has seen a whole lot of changes in the news game since he was a young reporter meeting President John F. Kennedy in the White House Rose Garden.

Nor does he think they're finished.

"I went into TV [in 1980] because after I'd gotten to know Roger Grimsby, I was convinced TV was the future," he says. "When I look at the future now, I think TV news as we've known it will disappear."

He doesn't mean people won't want information, or won't turn to TV to get it. He means scheduled evening newscasts, for instance, will be supplanted by cable networks, cell phones and other means of getting stories in a more timely fashion.
He's already seen traditional radio news shrink to a fraction of its old size.

"My first New York job was at WMCA, and when I got there, we had a news staff of 13," he says. "WNEW and others had huge staffs then, and there was this tremendous competition in covering every story."

Then WINS went all-news, and the FCC loosened news requirements for local radio. Today, most stations pay only cursory attention to news.

But Powers, who spent his most recent years as a newsman at WQXR (96.3 FM) after leaving Ch. 5 in 1993, doesn't see the situation as all bleak.

"At my first radio job, in Ansonia, Conn., the news we covered was all local," he says. "If someone fainted in the mall, we reported it. I think today we're getting back to that - covering the community."

One thing he didn't foresee was the rise of talk radio, even though he was an early practitioner of that craft at WMCA.
"If I'd seen where it would go," he says with a laugh, "I might never have left it."

But he moved on to an eventful career. His Ch. 5 crew was chased by a mob during the Crown Heights riots, and he played onstage at the Blue Note with Dizzy Gillespie, which he rightly calls "as big a thrill as anyone could have in a lifetime."

"I always loved music," he says. "But I had to put it on the shelf because the news profession demands so much time."

One perk of retirement is more music time, he says, and he's also finishing a revision of "How to Watch TV News," a book he wrote with Neil Postman. He also continues doing health reports for WQXR.

He has an idea for another book, on the history of news, but he admits he still hasn't quite gotten into the rhythm of retirement. He follows newscasts, he says, "less to get information than to see what choices they made about playing stories."

He also finds he is still aware of the deadline cycles that govern life in the news biz.

"My immediate goal," he says, "is to get to the point where I'm not always aware of exactly what time it is."

Artie Lange stabbed himself nine times

"Sad" is a word we've used often about Artie Lange, the boisterous, schlubadub comic who's made his drug addiction and obesity his shtick and who for years has provided cruel laughter from his boss, former radio star Howard Stern. This morning, with the report that his recent unexplained hospital stay was not for the expected overdose or deterioration, but a suicide attempt in which he stabbed himself nine times, "sad" no longer seems to do it.

We don't hear much about Howard Stern, the radio king of the 1980s and '90s who left the pop culture stage for paid satellite radio in a forgivable greedy leap hundreds of millions of dollars. Since he went undercover, his show has gone on unnoticed, floating a press release to the surface every now and then (like this morning's Huffington Post item, highlighting a 1989 interview with pre-fame Jennifer Aniston), or more recently, relying on an out-of-control chat show appearance by the lugubrious Lange.


A few years ago, Stern's defection and his coldhearted use of Artie Lange as a death-headed stooge was a major topic of debate on this site. Sadly, as the show faded farther into irrelevancy, Lange slid off the radar screen.

Until today, when the reason for his secret hospitalization is revealed to have been a suicide attempt in which Lange reportedly stabbed himself nine times (three "hesitation wounds" and three deep plunges through the rolls of fat and layers of swollen tissue in attempt to die). His boss Stern, surely aware of the facts before the rest of the world, coolly told his band of listeners this week:

"Artie has given this show tremendous moments of great comedy. He's a tremendous contributor. He is a good man. Don't forget how great he is."

Without a hint of culpability.


Artie Lange is alive, for now, and though he's avoided the Death of The Day tribute, we look into our archive, to remind readers that the shocking news that Stern's fat flailing 42-year-old fool had stabbed himself nine times is not so shocking at all-- at least not on May 27th, 2007, when we posted A rotten weekend for Howard Stern:

"In his years on the Stern show, Artie has battled heroin addiction, ballooned to more than three hundred pounds and kept up a grueling stand-up comedy schedule-- all to the amusement and encouragement of his boss, who's used Artie's troubles as comic and soap opera fodder. Artie says a doctor recently told him that if he doesn't change his lifestyle, Tabloid Baby's prediction of his Farley-Belushi-Anna Nicole-style death is imminent.

"'I just feel burned out,' Artie said. 'Nothing is set in stone, but it's something I'm seriously thinking about. The schedule is destroying me. I love the show, and I love the people. I'm just really concerned about my health.

"'I have to find a happy balance... none of this is going to be worth it if I drop dead at a Best Western in Milwaukee.'"


Or July 16, 2006, Isn't Artie Lange dead already?:

"'I am a guy who has struggled with every kind of addiction. I love gambling, and it has gotten me into trouble before. I love drugs and booze. The drugs finally had to go, but the booze is still very much in play. And you know I love broads.

"'I am definitely not someone who is embarrassed to get a hooker or two.'

"That quote is from Artie Lange in a sad story in today’s LA Times Calendar section; sad because it basically takes for granted that the schlubadub comic will eventually go the Chris Farley route, sad because it picks up with his once-public struggles where he left us hanging six months ago, and sad because the 12-step blasting, politically-incorrect and embarrassing honesty was a part of our weekday mornings before he and the rest of the Howard Stern radio team were swept into the Sirius Satellite Protection Program to play out radio’s most straight-talking radio show to a miniscule paying audience.

"...There’s Stern’s radio sidekick Artie, pressing the flesh in Vegas, picking up more standup gigs, TV appearances and lowbrow movie roles, living it up, blowing tens of thousands of dollars in casinos, hiring call girls, boozing away memories of his dad the paralyzed roofer, and blathering about hookers while counting down the hours until he winds up on the floor of a high roller’s suite with his pants around his ankles and swollen tongue jutting from his vomit-flecked lips...

“'I love gambling! I love drugs and booze! The drugs finally had to go, but the booze is still very much in play! I love broads! I am definitely not someone who is embarrassed to get a hooker or two!'

"...Sad. When we left off, Artie was holding it together with the first real girlfriend he’s ever had. The article lets us know it didn’t work out:

"'You know, I have never been that much in love with a woman before in my life. It is the most adult like I have ever felt in a relationship. We dated for 4 1/2 years. But it has been dying a slow, painful death. I think it might be officially over. It is very hard.'

"Sad."

Stern takes another step back toward free radio

Howard Stern has taken another step toward returning to free radio. Ha. Ha. Now don’t take this wrong way. We love Howard Stern. His radio show made our mornings in Los Angeles traffic and culture palatable for fifteen years. His rise to national prominence is covered in the book Tabloid Baby. A Stern story that Tabloid Baby’s author wrote for Hard Copy is featured in Howard’s book, Miss America. But we do resent him for leaving millions of loyal fans high-and-dry when he left radio and took the big money to do a private pay show for Sirius Satellite so he could say swear words and talk about his bowel movements without censorship.

But we know what we’re talking about when we say that Howard will soon return to free radio, and at least start to syndicate portions of his satellite show—because although Howard may have all the money he needs, he has become irrelevant. When he dropped off free radio, he died. No one remembers Babbabooey or Robin or Fred, and no one cares about Artie Lange or Howard’s skinny model girlfriend. Howard Stern is last year. He’s history. He doesn’t exist.

Which is why Howard is looking to find an audience again, why he is letting everyone watch the TV version of his show for a penny, and why, in that spirit, he's letting everyone hear his pay show for free on October 25 and 26-- as the Reuters news service puts it so poetically: ”Ten months after leaving the commercial airwaves for subscription-based Sirius Satellite Radio, shock jock Howard Stern is out to attract a broad new online audience with his first-ever free Internet broadcast.”

The countdown is on. Howard will be back soon.

Stern to Return: You read it here first...

Howard Stern will return to free radio.

They all laughed when we predicted it back in April. They got mad when we said it again this weekend.

But now the New York Post has followed our lead, Drudge is headlining the story two days late-- and Tabloid Baby’s story will finally be a national topic.

Stern fans began to bombard us yeserday after we reported that Stern sidekick Artie Lange’s people emailed us, urging that we supopiort his film Beer League, which tanked over the weekend despite a heavy promotion on the Stern show.

We repeated the bottom line: Howard Stern is dead. Since he left the confines of FM radio to utter curse words for a small, paid audience on the Sirius satellite system, last December, he immediately vanished from the radar screen, lost his power to shape public opinion, and may as well be the King of Comedy’s Rupert Pupkin, doing a make-believe talk show in his basement.

This morning, The New York Post copies our story— and the Drudge Report trumpets it:

Howard Stern may be coming back to earth-- on WPLJ or WABC. Radio insiders are reporting rampant rumors that the shock jock will "do an Opie & Anthony" and return to old-fashioned radio from the obscurity of satellite radio.

Persistent industry chatter says "some sort of mega-deal's brewing among Sirius chief Mel Karmazin, Stern and Mel's longtime associate Farid Suleman” (who) runs Citadel Broadcasting, which is buying Disney/ABC's radio division…

This much is certain: Stern has complained loudly of late about published reports that he's lost his influence and is no longer a "watercooler topic" since he bolted from CBS for Sirius in a $500 million deal last January.

His celebrity-guest bookings have all but dried up and sidekick Artie Lange's new movie "Beer League" bombed over the weekend in spite of heavy hype on Stern's show. The Post's Page Six reported last week that since his move to pay radio, traffic to Stern's Web site was down a whopping 71 percent and his search-engine action plunged a staggering 90 percent…

Stern denies the move is in place. But longtime Stern listeners will admit: Stern lies to his audience when it comes to personal and business matters. He lied about his marriage, his social life and his plans to head to satellite until it suited him to tell the truth. He'll lie about this deal until it's time to announce it officially.

Stay tuned here.