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Monday, March 06, 2006

Exclusive! Cloud 9 links lead to Oscar upset!

This morning, Oscar’s on Cloud 9!

They called it a stretch. They accused us of satire!

But in the end, the two degrees or less of separation to the beach volleyball-stripper motion picture comedy, Cloud 9, was the common link to every major winner of the 78th Annual Academy Awards.

This morning, Hollywood is arguing whether Crash’s surprise Best Picture win over favorite Brokeback Mountain was the result of an expert campaign (they sent us the DVD months ago) or a reflection of Hollywood’s hidden homophobia.

The answer, quite clearly, is actually one we’ve trumpeted loud and clear for a month now—Crash would win because of its uncanny connections to Cloud 9!

We’ve shown you, and the Internet has crackled with the Kevinbaconbusting connections between all the major nominees and Cloud 9, the hilarious comedy starring Burt Reynolds and written and produced by Burt Kearns & Brett Hudson of Frozen Pictures and last year’s Best Picture winner (Million Dollar Baby) Albert S. Ruddy.

On Friday, the Tabloid Baby staff shook the Cloud 9 Magic Nine Ball to predict which connections were closest.

The dunderheads did indeed calculate that Crash would take top honors and win for Best Original Screenplay, and that Reese Witherspoon would snag Best Actress.

They were off by a degree on the other “closest links” to Cloud 9, which missed out on Oscar contention only by a few days—and format (it was released January 4th on DVD—rent or buy it today!).

Is there really a Cloud 9 connection? Here are the final results. We’ll let them speak for themselves:

Best Actor: Philip Seymour Hoffman (Capote) worked with Burt Reynolds in Boogie Nights.

Best Actress: Reese Witherspoon (Walk The Line) starred in Legally Blonde with the small dog, Moonie. Moonie appears as Gary Busey’s dog in Cloud 9.

Best Supporting Actor: George Clooney (Syriana) appeared with Cloud 9 costar Paul Rodriguez on Playboy’s 50th Anniversary Celebration TV special. He also appeared in the TV series Baby Talk, with Cloud 9 actor Tony Danza supplying the voice of a baby.

Best Supporting Actress: Rachel Weisz (The Constant Gardener) appeared with Cloud 9 star Tom Arnold on Late Night with Conan O’Brien on February 22, 2005.

Best Director: Ang Lee (Brokeback Mountain) co-wrote the screenplay for Tortilla Soup, which starred Paul Rodriguez, who coincidentally plays an Asian character, Wong, in Cloud 9.

Best Adapted Screenplay: Brokeback Mountain .
Co-writer Larry McMurtry wrote the film, Terms of Endearment. The starring role of Garrett Breedlove, played by Jack Nicholson, was written for, and supposed to be played by, Cloud 9 star Burt Reynolds.

Best Original Screenplay: Crash. Co-writer Paul Haggis (Crash) wrote the screenplay for Million Dollar Baby, the film that won a second Best Picture Oscar for Albert S. Ruddy, and worked with Ruddy on the TV series, Walker, Texas Ranger.

Best Picture: Crash.

2 comments:

Pat Hobby said...

i had to go to network tv after being gayed out on cable coverage from mizrak to osborne to ms whoever.
seemed like a slamdunk for brokeback.
then i noticed that the nominees are chosen only by the academy members in that category (the only exception being best picture). director members nominate directors etc.
the actual oscars are voted on by ALL academy members. the result being that the gay core of hollywood had its day in the nominations but mainstream hollywood academy members wanted to send a message to american audiences: we ain't all brokeback.

Celebutant said...

Cloud 9 might have gotten some things right but we all know penguins RULE!

I couldn't follow all those degrees of separation - didn't really care. All you people in La La land get too riled up during Oscar time.

I say get Harvey to do a sequel to Cloud 9!