Katie Couric didn't work out. Duh.

So who's really surprised that Katie Couric's time at the CBS Evening News didn't work out? From the start, we saw the injection of the perky pudgy celebrity into the CBS News hot seat as Les Moonves' way of throwing a bomb into CBS News and taking out the too-powerful nabobs with their liberal agenda. And with Katie's imminent departure announced the same week it's "leaked" that the news division may soon be farming out field work to CNN producers and reporters, it appears that Moonves' plan is unfolding, after all.

It's not bragging to say we were laughing at the idea as far back as December 2005, when we wrote:

"Here’s some free advice for Sean McManus and Les Moonves and CBS News. Save the $20 million a year. Katie Couric’s not worth it. She’s a former cutie who’s been temporarily retooled into a glamour puss. She’s pushing fifty. She’s not going to age well, physically or emotionally. And people don’t like to work with her. Katie’s a morning show host. Reading the TelePrompter and gravitas ain’t her shtick. Give her a talk show and move on.

"Besides, it’s a new century. The network news half hour is over. It doesn’t matter!"

But for real prescience, there was LA Dodger Jon at the neglected (by him) Hollywood Thoughts, who, two years ago in a post entitled "Katie Couric is the new Kathie Lee, "predicted the entire timetable (with the bizarre twist that Katie's imminent departure is announced the same week Kathie Lee Gifford climbs on board the Today show).

And if we all knew it wasn't going to work, CBS had to know. Right? Just like the people at Fox had to know that Chevy Chase would never work as a talk show host. Right? We realize the newsies in the CBS "fishbowl" are out of touch with America, but the corporate overlords can't be that out of touch with reality. We'll stick with our theory that there was a lot more to the Katie Couric era than has yet been revealed. And repeat our suggestion that Ann Curry's a better choice.

Katie Couric kicks off with a big lie

"Out of curiosity, I did a little 'Googling' for the word 'blog.' And one of the first entries that popped up was a guy by the name of Henry Blogg … Reading his story reminded me of some wisdom that was passed on to me when I was deciding whether or not I should come to CBS…. A good friend told me: 'Katie, a boat is always safe in the harbor. But it’s not what it was built for..."

Katie Couric hasn’t even plopped her photoshopped rump into the big seat yet, and already she’s being dishonest with her audience. Hours before her debut on the CBS Evening News, CBS has launched a “blog” (just like NBC’s Brian Williams), purportedly written by Couric herself.

But a quick scan makes it obvious that, despite the use of the first person on the posting, the multi-million dollar diva, on the eve of her big moment, has not taken time to google the word "blog" or type out this crap:

Today we begin “Couric & Co.” Welcome! I’m glad you found us. Pull up a chair and stay a while. There’s a lot going on in the world, and we have a lot to talk about…

“In the little village that is CBS News, you might consider “Couric & Co” the coffee house on the corner, where something is always brewing...

I can’t be here all day, every day, so some visitors will be dropping by – the “company” of “Couric & Co.”…

A footnote: out of curiosity, I did a little “Googling” for the word “blog.” And one of the first entries that popped up was a guy by the name of Henry Blogg . He lived long before the age of the internet. But his story is quite remarkable. He was apparently an accomplished sailor – a legendary lifeboatman, to be exact – who weathered fierce storms while doing his job, rowing out to sea. It took guts – and some muscle – to venture out into the unknown like that.

Reading his story reminded me of some wisdom that was passed on to me when I was deciding whether or not I should come to CBS. I was anxious about making a career change. But a good friend told me: “Katie, a boat is always safe in the harbor. But it’s not what it was built for”…

Like Henry Blogg, this blog is shoving off from the harbor, and heading out to a mysterious and uncharted sea… Hopefully, we won't all end up like Gilligan...

Do you believe Katie Couric wrote that? Do you believe a good friend convinced her with a boat metaphor? If you do, I have some photocopies of old National Guard documents you can rush to air.

This is the equivalent of Dan Rather’s New York Times Op Ed pieces being written by his producer. It’s dishonest. And how can we as an audience be expected to trust anything out of this woman's mouth if she's BS-ing us out of the gate?

By the way, Gilligan lasted three seasons. Katie should be so lucky.

The Morning After: Bye Bye, News Babes

One of the highlights of the CBS Evening News with old Bob Schieffer is his rotating gaggle of newschicks, these beautiful Charlie's Angels types jetting around the world, gals like Lara Logan (dubbed "34D Lara” by The London Sun after underwear modeling shots were revealed), Trish Regan and Serena Altschul.

We fear we will be seeing far less of them and more Steve Hartman as little chubby Katie takes the reins.

Funny how the PR machine has spun dry Katie Couric’s image from the fearsome tyrant, “at the first sound of (whose) peremptory voice and clickety stiletto heels, people dart behind doors and douse the lights...", back to the spunky, perky, loveable squeezeball who’ll bring fun and sun to old CBS.

Bill Carter leads today's New York Times Couric story with one of his patented intimate scenes, this one around the Couric “dinner table,” as Katie runs the CBS balloon past her two daughters:

…Ellie, 14, at once voted for the jump to CBS, pointing out that mealtime was certainly no problem because, thanks to her mother's unusual schedule, they had been eating "early-bird dinners" for their entire lives, while almost everyone else they knew did not sit down to eat until 7 or 7:30.

When Ms. Couric turned to Carrie, 10, she got an equally quick response. Carrie said she would choose CBS as well, because that would make her mother "the first woman in that job.”

Does that scene ring true? It doesn’t ring true to us, not like Carter’s Jay Leno-hiding-in-the-NBC-broom-closet scene. We don’t buy it. Sounds like phony-baloney PR at work.

Check out the Epilogue to Tabloid Baby. Katie and Matt Lauer are mentioned specifically as the new standard bearers of tabloid journalism on the Today show. The tabloid-“mainstream” inbreeding has been going on for years now. And the injection of spunkball Couric into the CBS News bubble is only the latest step in Les Moonves’ deliberate destruction and tabloidization—or, darkly, the Entertainmenttionightatization-- of CBS News.

It’s got little to do with the Evening News job (the "managing editor" title they tossed her devalues that role on resumes, past and present-- and, oddly, her "from the heart" Today show farewell, read off a TelePrompter script, showed that newsreading is not Katie's forte). That stained throne is not what it was. ABC showed how little they think of it when they turned theirs over to Bob Woodruff and Liz Vargas, then put Woodruff in harm’s way (Vargas acted out her nonchalance when she set herself up for immediate pregnancy leave). NBC gave the seat to pretender-in-waiting Brian Williams. They’re not the premiere broadcasters of our day and not even the best qualified in their respective news departments. Katie won’t be grinning her gummy grin for the Depends and Metamucil crowd for long. We agree with Hollywood Thoughts on that one.

A note about her Today show replacement, Meredith Vieira: We knew Meredith long ago when she was a local news reporter for WCBS-TV. In fact, in our very first weeks living in New York City, we ran into the young Vieira in the acrid haze on 23rd Street as she did a live shot about the pier fires that covered Manhattan in grimy smoke. She would've fit in with Schieffer's Angels in those days.

She didn't wear well on The View. But who would?

No talk about ageism here. Despite all the skinny chiquitas wrassling for Katie’s job, Meredith is FIFTY-TWO.

Why don't people watch Katie Couric? She lies.

The Los Angeles Times reports:

"Katie Couric said she’s not going anywhere -- at least not any time soon.

"Facing the press for the first time since reports surfaced this spring that she was preparing to leave the CBS News anchor chair after the presidential election, Couric said today that she’s staying put.

“'We have no plans to part company any time soon,' Couric said. 'And there were a lot of speculative pieces that I think got, quite frankly, spun out of control.'

"...The anchor referred obliquely to talks she had with CBS executives earlier this year about her future on the broadcast. In the discussions, Couric and the network officials agreed to table any decision until after the presidential election.

“'You know, we always assess how the show is doing and what direction we want to go in. And so clearly when you work for an organization you have ongoing discussions,' Couric said. 'But I’m very committed to the people here.'”

Network newsreaders ought to talk straight. Katie's "denial" is Clintonesque in its equivocation. Of course she's leaving soon. the network just doesn't want to blow off the election ratings and they can't let her walk until Lara Logan is back from maternity leave.

Parsing the words to squeeze out the real meaning:

"any time soon."

"ongoing discussions."

Lies from Iraq! Who's writing Katie's Baghdad blog?

"Here I am, my first day in Baghdad... It is overwhelming to be here and there is so much to take in..."

Four days short of a year ago, we posted an item titled, "Katie Couric kicks off with a big lie," pointing out that days before her debut as the CBS News celebrity newsreader, the network had begun running a "Katie Couric blog" that was purportedly-- but obviously not-- written by Katie.

Not too many people gave a toss-- until April, when an online commentary posted under her Katie's byline was found to be plagiarized from the Wall Street Journal. CBS News was quick to admit that Katie had nothing to do with the stolen words-- and even fired the producer who was Katie's ghost.

Now, Katie is in Iraq, in a desperate, sad stunt to generate ratings at the end of her snakebit first year-- and she's allegedly posting reflections on her blog from Baghdad.

The blog posting is boilerplate corporate propaganda, full of pro-military one liners (an obvious sop to CBS' hosts):

"...his personal opinion was that the U.S. has a responsibility to continue its presence here because, as he put it, 'We tipped over the apple cart'..."

"...The parents said they don't blame it on U.S. forces, and said they hope American troops stay, because if they don't, the 'militias will kill everyone'..."

"...The father... blamed the government and said a more secular government would do a better job..."

In a nod to Katie's cult, the posting includes the obligatory Wizard of Oz reference:

"...I guess that's why the author of a recent book on the zone named it 'Imperial Life in the Emerald City'..."

And it even includes a tease of what Katie will be presenting in future broadcasts:

"I'm anxious to talk to General Petraeus, to other top military brass, to some of the soldiers, and to Ambassador Crocker to get a better handle on the political situation..."

Think Katie wrote this? Again, it's obvious that the aging cutesie who seeks "America"'s trust-- is lying again.

Les Moonves wants to destroy CBS News

Les Moonves is hell-bent on destroying CBS News.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

But dropping Katie Couric into the CBS fishbowl will upset the pH balance, kill off lots of other fishies and mean that all the water will have to be poured out and the bowl filled again.

For decades, CBS News has existed in a bubble in Manhattan, spawning new generations of CBS newspeople who have little or no experience working anywhere else but within the CBS structure and with the very particular view of CBS view of the world. It is, indeed an Upper West Side liberal view of the world that’s paradoxically concerned with maintaining the status quo and teaching America and the world how we should be living.

It’s no coincidence that the command center of the CBS newsroom is a glassed-in space called “the fishbowl.” That’s where the producers and people behind the scenes live. And when the filter of the fishbowl is removed, little fishies like Mary Mapes occasionally float to the top.

We’ve had our experience with CBS News. In fact, in the Foreward to Tabloid Baby, Burt Kearns writes of his time working for CBS News, and his decision to spurn an offer to carry on as Dan Rather’s afternoon update writer:

”...there was something about CBS that didn't smell right--something cultish in the way the employees saw themselves upholding some sacred tradition, carrying out some grand mission to spread the CBS orthodoxy…"

And in on page 453, Chapter 38, “Don Simpson Meets Butterbean,” there’s a mention of our meeting with Les Moonves at his office in Television City. It was 1996. Les was still getting his feet wet as head of CBS Entertainment and we were with a couple of notable TV visionaries pitching to Les a new hybrid reality drama series, ripped from the headlines.

Les couldn’t see the show on CBS. “You’re pitching A Current Affair for CBS prime time!” No, we’re not. “Yes, you are. It’s tabloid television. You will never see A Current Affair on the CBS network! We have an audience that expects something of us. We are the Tiffany Network!”

Sigh. Ten years down the line and CBS is doing the show we pitched in prime time, after all, in the guise of 48 Hours Mystery, and Les is doing tabloid television, living tabloid television (since he probably broke a corporate ethics rule or two when he began an extramarital affair with a CBS News employee ((pictured above)), made her a star and married her), and now personally doing whatever he can to destroy the final links to the Tiffany Network’s Tiffany division of the Good Night COMMA and Good Luck era, and destroy CBS News.

And make no mistake: hiring Katie Couric as anchorette of the CBS Evening News will destroy CBS News. Katie’s not a newsreader. She’s a personality. She’s a spunkball. She’s spoiled. She’ll be very competitive with the younger pretties CBS has been showcasing as serious network newswomen.

And if they assign her to 60 Minutes, she'll bring it down, as well. She’s a tabloid lightweight when she appears on Dateline.

Now we realize the networks have devalued the evening newscasts. NBC actually gave the spot to professional anchorman impersonator Brian Williams, and ABC immediately put half its Jennings succession team in harm’s way in Iraq— nearly killing him, while his partner went and got herself pregnant, showing how seriously she took her first potential year on the job. But still, when disaster strikes, we tend to tune into the Big Three, and we cringe at the thought of Katie Couric staying on the air for seventeen hours during the next 9/11, or even having a network news leader named “Katie.”

We realize. It’s all showbiz. And CBS News has not been a force of good in American discourse. It’s time they wash out the fishbowl, remove all the George Clooney algae and give it a clean, straight-talking start.

Burn the playhouse down, Les, but do it right. Events have shown that Les and the minds at CBS took Tabloid Baby seriously back in December when we suggested they stick with old Bob Schieffer and do a Charlie’s Angels-Steve Edwards bit with all the pretties they’re showcasing. But Bob wants out before he’s carried out.

So here goes. One last suggestion: if you’re going to hire a woman from the Today Show, go with Ann Curry. She’s a reader. She’s aging better than Katie. And her ploy of wearing bright red lipstick one day, then transparent gloss lipstick the next, gives a reason to tune in.

Couric: From Fun to Nun

Are they serious with this? Leave it to CBS News to pay all that money for Katie Couric and then dress her up like Sister Bertrille.

This is old Bob Schieffer in his last night on Dan Rather's set, after an eighteen-month Viagra high with the CBS Newsbabes, turning the show over to one of the nuns from our Vatican II schooldays. This is their idea of making Katie Couric acceptably "serious" to read the Teleprompter for the Depends and Metamucil set? She's going up against Brian Williams, for Chrissakes!

Les. Are you watching this? Dude, drop the bomb. These people are wacked.

Then again, maybe they figure that black is slimming.

Let us pray... that old Bob isn't covering up what we think he's covering up...

The Katie Couric Countdown:
Five fingers to liftoff!


(Just how wacked is CBS News? Read the introduction to Tabloid Baby, the book that CBS veteran Paula Zahn told us "got it exactly right.")

UPDATE: Ray Richmond of The Hollywood Reporter, the dean of entertainment-- and entertaining-- commentary, weighs in with his usual brilliant perspective at Past Deadline.

CBS' 34D Lara flaunts what Katie Couric cannot

That Lara Logan is the kind of "chief foreign correspondent" we like. She's got a Marvel Comics name, an exotic accent and doesn't have a mug like Christina Amanpour. And now the sexy CBS newsgal, star of the Katie Couric evening news show, and former bikini model known in the British tabs as "34D Lara," is making news for landing an exclusive interview with Pakistan president Pervez Musharraf for tonight's 60 Minutes.

Lara has worked hard to pretend to try to escape the sex kitten image and her swimsuit modelling past, so it's ver-r-r-r-ry interesting that in a nod to all the perv-ez among her fanbase, she and the CBS publicity machine included in the latest "how I got that scoop" story that Lara was "vacationing on a beach near her South African hometown when she received a message on her BlackBerry telling her of the (Bhutto) attack in Rawalpindi," and that when she arrived in Pakistan for the major news coup, "her suitcase with bikinis and other beachwear made it to Islamabad; the suitcase with the rest of her clothes did not."

Sorry. Did you miss that?

"Her suitcase with bikinis
and other beachwear
made it to Islamabad."

Now, that's Tabloid 101! And that's a shot across the bow. Who needs a Burberry when you travel on assignment with a suitcase full of bikinis? And, as we've been advising in our free consultation to CBS News since the days Katie Couric (left) was first being considered for the Evening News gig, who needs Katie when you've got a real, fearless, experienced globetrotting 21st century superstar sexpot reporter with such a great future behind her?

At least Katie kept that guy who looks like k.d. lang

Women Scarcer On Evening News
10/23/2006

B&C Contributing Editor Andrew Tyndall analyzed the first six weeks of Katie Couric’s tenure atop the CBS Evening News and found that woman have gotten fewer assignments.

When former Today host Katie Couric arrived at the anchor chair of the CBS Evening News just six weeks ago, much was made of the fact that she—unlike Barbara Walters, Connie Chung and Elizabeth Vargas before her—was the first solo female nightly-news anchor. But that has not translated to a more female-centric Evening News, at least on the correspondent side.

In fact, since Couric’s arrival, women have received 40% fewer assignments than they did under her predecessor, Bob Schieffer. Men, meanwhile, have seen no cutback in their workload...

We called it back in April in an item entitled "The Morning After: Bye Bye, News Babes." We knew then that Katie's arrival would banish the younger, brighter competition. And when the producers threw most of Katie's debut show to former swimsuit model Lara Logan, the deal was sealed.

Look at the photos below and guess the one who has a regular spot on the Katie show:

Katie Couric tells Israel she's a victim of "sexism"

"I find myself in the last bastion of male dominance,
and realizing what Hillary Clinton might have realized
not long ago: that sexism in the American society
is more common than racism,
and certainly more acceptable or forgivable."
--Katie Couric, CBS News

Katie Couric is in Israel for the first time, on vacation while Barack Obama is in Iraq, yet acting like she's campaigning, treated and acting like a celebrity, and talking about herself and her plight, as in the following "monologue" in Tel Aviv that's quoted in Haaretz:

"I have no doubt in my heart that I made the right move, accepting the CBS offer. I would have regretted it otherwise. It's true that the pressure was immense and the expectations almost impossible. One person cannot perform such miracles and transform a whole network on his own.

"It's also true I'm not doing today exactly what I've been brought to do, and that my chance to express myself is fairly limited in the 22-minutes format, but I still enjoy my work, I think it's important and fascinating, and do believe we can make a change with time, bit by bit.

"Unfortunately I have found out that many viewers are afraid of change. The glory days of TV news are over, and the media landscape has been dramatically changed. News is available now for everyone, everywhere, all the time, and everybody fights for the last pieces of the shrinking pie. The corporate pressure and the ratings terror are intensifying all the time, and the situation is not simple. I find myself in the last bastion of male dominance, and realizing what Hillary Clinton might have realized not long ago: that sexism in the American society is more common than racism, and certainly more acceptable or forgivable. In any case, I think my post and Hillary's race are important steps in the right direction."

She added:

"My mother is Jewish, but I've been raised as a Presbyterian. I'm interested in finding out more about these roots."

CBS Sports' US Open Sore

A Tabloid Baby contributor weighs in on last night in televised sports:

I'm watching the late-night US Open Tennis Roundup. The respectable Patrick McEnroe (Davis Cup captain and brother of John, who was once married to Tatum O'Neal and confessed to coke and miscreant behavior before becoming the darling of tennis media commentators) is host.

Now forget Andre Agassi's amazing tennis and history and the brilliance of Roger Federer, the greatest tennis player who ever lived...

Forget all that, because in the midst of all this, Patrick McEnroe's co-host of CBS's late-night roundup, is...

Pat O'Brien!!! (See Pat O'Brien links.)

When are they gonna start drug testing the sports guys who keep insisting on drug testing??? Tennis is a pure and beautiful sport and TV nets that cover it should have to do a urine test to prove that they don’t have any Pat O'Brien in their system.

Thanks, Tabloid Baby contributor. A tip of the Tabloid Baby hat to you.

But the question remains. How did Pat O’Brien make it back to CBS Sports, after flushing away his credibility with years of shilling as host of infotainment shows like Access Hollywood and The Insider and then weathering a humiliating phone sex, swinging, booze and drug scandal, rehab and a prime time (CBS!) spanking by Dr. Phil?

O’Brien tells the Boston Globe it was Sean McManus, president of CBS Sports-- and, as of last October, president of CBS News:

"When I left (CBS Sports in the 1990s) , Sean McManus, who was just taking over as head of CBS Sports, said, `We're both young men, we'll work together again,' and sure enough, here we are."

McManus, now president of CBS News and Sports, said it made sense to have O'Brien host the late-night show that features entertainment as much as it does tennis; the Gin Blossoms performed the other night.

"We try to make it fun, and thought Pat's had a pretty high profile in sports and thought we might add some different flavor, and so far it's worked out really well," McManus said.

O'Brien, 58, said he has no problem going from entertainment to sports ``because there's no line anymore between the two. Sports stars are entertainers, and entertainers want to be in sports."

On the news side, of course, McManus’ latest hire is Katie Couric.

Starting to see the connections? Infotainment? CBS Sports? CBS News? The Insider? The CBS Evening News? The Gin Blossoms? Phone sex? Pat O’Brien? Katie Couric?

(A final note: As Pat’s high times get even higher, we’re sad to see that his galpal Betsy no longer has a travelogue blog…)


The Katie Couric Countdown:
Three fingers to liftoff!

Katie Couric's Bush is showing... and telling

George W. Bush as a guest on Katie Couric’s CBS Evening News show debut?

They may be pulling old Walter Cronkite out of the yacht bunk where he’s been shtupping Carly Simon’s sister to introduce their new anchorgal when she ushers in the fuzzier, perkier Evening News era next Tuesday (commentaries and all!), but with the Bush smooch, Les Moonves is leaving no doubt about it: the fight is on to make sure the age of the liberal, crusading, Burberry-trenchcoat, arugula-chomping, Upper West Side out-of-touch, colonial, left-wing, conservative-bashing, slanted, sheltered CBS News is over!

Making nice with the Bush administration is a big statement. And though much of the Old Guard is still behind the scenes at the Evening News, the Moonves bomb is a smart one. Don’t expect her executive producer to last forever.

The Katie Couric Countdown:
Seven fingers to liftoff!