SEE IT HERE! The REAL Anna Nicole death photo

AND THIS AIN'T IT:

Ha! Turns out we're getting thousands and thousands of visitors today, after folks across the globe googled ANNA NICOLE DEATH PHOTOS in reaction to reports that pix of Anna Nicole Smith on her Hard Rock hotel deathbed. Turns out that the story was infotainment show hype-- shows like The Insider bought up the shots only so they could debunk them as live-but-wasted Anna Nicole with tartar sauce, not death puke, across her chin and chest.

The real Anna Nicole death photo is here:

THIS IS ANNA NICOLE DEAD:

The shot of dead Anna Nicole in her body bag appeared in the National Enquirer shortly after her untimely death (and here on March 3rd) -- but billed as a "photo re-creation based on eyewitness accounts," because, as our pals at the New York Post's Page Six revealed, the Enquirer editors got feet as cold as Anna Nicole and mislabeled the photo because "we didn't want to get anyone fired" at the mortuary.

So. to clear up any confusion: the top "vomit" photo that's circulating is not a death photo (and it's not spew)-- it's Anna Nicole, whacked out and being a pig months before her demise. The lower photo shows dead Anna Nicole, wheeled out from the morgue refrigerator drawer.

And now you know... the rest of the story...

(See a NSFW photographic tribute to Anna Nicole Smith here.)

ANNA NICOLE STILL DEAD!

You know, at a time when ordinary people become Reality TV stars and Britney Spears gets more ink for stepping out of a limo than making music, maybe Anna Nicole Smith really is the Marilyn Monroe of our time. She was a cartoony bombshell, she slurred, she mixed booze and pills, she died mysteriously-- though, if she really did choke on her own vomit (as opposed to someone else's), she could be our Jimi Hendrix.

Anyway, with the autopsy underway as we write (Inside Anna Nicole?), the fun's only beginning. Splash News brokered the sale of a videotape showing the futile efforts to revive the dead beauty. Someone paid more than $500,000 for it, even though, according to a producer who apparently passed on it, "You cannot see her face, you cannot see hair flowing out from underneath the mask... If someone didn't tell me this was Anna Nicole Smith, I totally would not have known it. You can't even tell it's a woman." See for yourself. At least part of the video surfaced in the above news report. Look for the cameo from Adam Carolla. Translations welcome.

And there's more on the way...ABC's 20/20, a tabloid TV series disguised as a serious network newsmagazine (many of its producers are "tabloid babies") has slapped together an Anna Nicole commemorative tonight at 10. (Look for them to address, then brush off our "Who Killed Anna Nicole" theory). And the prestigious Biography Channel dusts off an Anna Nicole story tomorow night at 8.

We haven't heard of plans for an E! Entertainment marathon of The Anna Nicole Show, but were in touch with folks over there yesterday, and they were really broken up over the news.

Deeper inside Anna Nicole

Paris Hilton may be this week's famous-for-being famous celebutard tragedy, and Lindsay Lohan was last week's movie star trainwreck-- but when it comes to absolute staying power, real bombshell status and saturation coverage, no one in decades has topped Anna Nicole Smith.

So what's another three hours?

E! isn't kidding when it brags it's unleashing "the most in-depth documentary ever" on Anna Nicole-- ever! -- with a three-hour special event premiering tonight at 8 pm. The Life & Death of Anna Nicole rounds up more than 25 family members, friends, colleagues and lovers to take us through the troubled tabloid sex siren's life one mo' time, stopping along the way at liaisons, centerfolds, buffets, orgies and reality TV cameras--but lingering longest in that final year and final hours in that Everglades hotel room.

Even if you've had your fill of Anna Nicole, tune in or record this one if only to see how real long-form tabloid television documentaries are supposed to look. Producer Michael Lynn, who helmed this behemoth, is the top producer in the field. The E! True Hollywood Babylon bio king of television has focused his unblinking noirish lens on the secrets of everyone from Kathie Lee Gifford to Bill Clinton to Andy of Mayberry to Halle Berry-- and Olivia Newton-John. Anna Nicole is his epic subject. We'd say Moby Dick but that's not quite right.

He'll at least put the mainstream slugs at 20/20 and Dateline in their place. And it's almost enough to forgive E! for killing Dr. Ruehl in Sunset Tan!

WHO KILLED ANNA NICOLE?

That's the question they'll be asking. We might as well ask it first.

In wake of the mysterious death of her son in the Bahamas, the fight over her late octogenarian billionaire husband's fortune, the paternity battle over her baby girl, yesterday's lawsuit over the TrimSpa ads-- the fight over her late octogenarian billionaire husband's fortune... there are more than enough avenues to investigate.

A drug overdose in a hotel room? Anna Nicole Smith died like a true Hollywood legend (though in a nod to her humble roots, it was Hollywood, Florida), and that all-too-perfect ending is another reason the conspiracy theories are already developing. Who stands to benefit from her death? Anna Nicole recently married her attorney and reality TV show co-star Howard K. Stern. He's claimed paternity of her five-month-old daughter Dannielynn, who will now inherit any fortune that's decided.

Despite spin from coroner and Las Vegas media, the sad truth remains: Danny Gans died from using Dilaudid, the opiate favored by Elvis & Anna Nicole

Las Vegas Sun

Impressionist Danny Gans’ death was accidental and the cause
was hydromorphone toxicity due to chronic pain syndrome,
Coroner Mike Murphy announced this afternoon.
Hydromorphone is a synthetic opiate
more commonly known as Dilaudid.

--Las Vegas Review-Journal

Danny Gans was a superstar. Danny Gans was a family man. Danny Gans was an athlete. Danny Gans was an exemplar of Born Again Christian values that were part of his official biography and a major art of his appeal. Danny Gans was the wholesome, corporate clean standard bearer of Las Vegas Nevada, a resort destination known the world over as "Sin City."

Whatever pain and human frailties this man endured, he realized he had to endure in private. And after he died, unexpectedly, unexplainedly, on May 1st, in his home, the media in his town kept his secrets, deciding to not report about the prescription drugs found by paramedics in the room where his body was found, the rumours of steroid use that were rampant throughout entertainment circles, or any hint of human weakness.

So the long-delayed announcement today by coroner Mike Murphy that Danny Gans died because of "hydromorphone toxicity due to chronic pain syndrome," the phrasing was deliberate, the language was perfected to Clintonesque perfection to disguise the sad reality:

Danny Gans died from the use of Dilaudid, hydromorphone, an opiate narcotic used to treat severe chronic pain, the drug a favorite drug of Elvis Presley, and a drug he took on the day he died, as well as the drug favored by Anna Nicole Smith.

Two reporters for The Las Vegas Review Journal reported on the death this morning with a lead that reflected the whitewashing, tone favored by editor Tom "McCloud" Mitchell, but a second line that was a journo's demand for clarity:

"Impressionist Danny Gans’ death was accidental and the cause was hydromorphone toxicity due to chronic pain syndrome, Coroner Mike Murphy announced this afternoon.

"Hydromorphone is a synthetic opiate more commonly known as Dilaudid."

At his press conference Tuesday, the coroner was Danny Gans' greatest defender, insisting, "This was not drug abuse. What I’m trying to be clear about is, we have an issue involving Mr. Gans’ health and the hydromorphone, and as a result of a combination of those issues, Mr. Gans succumbed to his health condition.”

Mike Weatherford and Brian Haynes summarized his findings in the Review-Journal:

"Dilaudid was 'a factor in exacerbating those risks' of his pre-existing conditions, hypertensive cardiovascular disease and polycythemia, a thickening of the red blood cells often described as 'the opposite of anemia.'"

They added, pointedly:

"Dilaudid's analgesic potency is from two to eight times that of morphine, but it is shorter-acting and produces more sedation than morphine, according to the Drug Enforcement Administration."

The coroner would not report what other drugs were found in Gans' body. “We are trying to respect (the Gans family's) privacy and treat them appropriately as we deal with all families... They’ve been very good to work with.”

Sadly, it is Chip Lightman, Gans' manager, who led the charge to protect his client's reputation through these six weeks of mystery, who for once is left without spin, flailing and asking if his client was on the powerful narcotic because of shoulder surgery in November.

“Could they have given him that during his recovery? I don’t know where he would have gotten (Dilaudid) from but from his doctor, that’s all I could figure.”

Where did Danny Gans get the Dilaudid?

Did he have a prescription for the drug?

Why, if Danny Gans had a heart condition, would he be prescribed a drug that could lead to a heart attack?

Was this really "accidental"?

How could Las Vegas' symbol of clean-living Christianity fall to the same toxicity that brought down Elvis and Anna Nicole?

With the coroner's conclusions, the story of the death of Danny Gans is only beginning to unfold...

Charge against Michael Jackson's doctor leads MSNBC to invoke cases of "Heath & Anna Nicole & Danny Gans"

The death of Las Vegas superstar Danny Gans by overdose of a powerful opiate called hydromorphone at the prime of his life and career raised few, if any red flags among the members of the Las Vegas news media. The mysterious and untimely passing of the injury-riddled Born Again Christian athlete, corporate entertainment favorite and longtime Steve Wynn showpiece in the middle of the night, and all the strange occurrences before and after his tragic last breath rated little more than cursory coverage and police report transcribing, and the acceptance of one of Danny Gans' doctor's claims that the star may have died from the ingestion of a single hydromorphone (also known as Dilaudid or "drugstore heroin") pill left over from an unused five-year-old prescription.

The willful and shameful avoidance of the Gans story and all its many avenues, including Gans' ownership of a pharmacy supply house, was made more obvious when compared to the national media's vigilant and responsible coverage of the death of entertainer Michael Jackson.


Now, the manslaughter charge lodged yesterday against Conrad Murray, the doctor who allegedly administered the fatal dose of drugs that Jackson ordered up, has again brought the Gans case into the national spotlight.

An item on the MSNBC.com website titled Murray's case up stakes in world of celeb drugs notes that

"...the state of California, weary of growing number of celebrity prescription drug deaths, is seeking some control over a festering doctor-patient dynamic that has taken bold-faced names from Heath Ledger to Anna Nicole Smith to Danny Gans."

While those among the Las Vegas news media would claim that Gans is an unimportant figure, known to few outside the market, others know better. In this case, the musical impressionist is mentioned in the same sentence as two legends, in a story about a fellow legend. Of the four cases, his is the only one that was closed along with all its mysteries left hanging. Yet, according to the MSNBC report, Gans' death, coming weeks before Jackson's, may have been a factor in the decision to prosecute in the Murray case-- "to put a dent into Hollywood's pill pipeline."

Danny Gans' tragedy may, in the end, help future celebrities. But most important: Will there ever be justice for Danny Gans?

Surely, some of the curiosity will spread. After all, they cared about Farrah's hair...

Michael Lohan speaks about ex-wife's reality show

"If that's what Dina wants to do, great. I hope it works out for her, and I hope it works out for our kids. And if she does do the show, I hope this time she surrounds herself and our children with the right people.

"But at this time, the priority for both of us should be concentrating on our daughter, Lindsay."

Lindsay Lohan's father Michael, who's seen public opinion turn in his favor in recent weeks, has temperate words for the surprising-- and some are saying shocking-- news that the E! Entertainment network is in talks with his ex-wife Dina to star in a reality show by the name of Mom-ager.

The title is a play on the word "manager"-- not "overgrown teenager," which would also fit--and the series will show her trying to turn her youngest children, Ali, 14, and Cody, 11, into stars." Just like Lindsay.

Just like Lindsay?

The exploitative and comedic potential of the pitch are obvious, since Dina long ago let her role as Lindsay's mother, protector and manager play second fiddle to her status as hanger-on and BFF as she's lived vicariously through her daughter while riding shotgun on her booze- and drug-fueled rocket from the top of show business to rehab. And in recent months, the 44-year-old former dancer has been eager to shift the spotlight over to herself, beyond the fingerbang gossip items and desperation photo spreads. Even after the obvious and cynical ridicule by the producers of Entertainment Tonight when they hired her as "reporter" for exclusives about Lindsay's first rehab stay and ludicrously on the red carpet for her troubled film, Georgia Rule, she's anxious to give it another go in her dream to become "The White Oprah."

Michael Lohan, of course, is the subject of his own reality television series-- one that E!, with its connections to Lindsay's publicists and studio contacts, understandably passed on. On the surface, with his troubled past, tempestuous relations with Lindsay and her "people," and recent stay in prison, Michael Lohan seems better better suited to HBO or VH-1's Celebreality block.

But Michael's life and show are turning out to be something altogether different. His "rebirth" as a Christian in prison and his work as a licensed minister and rehab counsellor at a halfway house in Long Island has produced real results, and his concern for Lindsay and her well-being has been apparent. His reality show, which documents his work, far from Hollywood yet a stone's throw away-- is shaping up into something that goes far beyond the Anna Nicole-Tom Sizemore variety.

And with word that Lindsay was let out of rehab Friday night-- to attend St. Aidan's Episcopal Church--dad's looking better by the day.

Meanwhile, lets hope E! keeps an eye out for the kids' welfare in all this. Remember what happened to Anna Nicole's...

Anna Nicole death photo: The real thing?

From Marilyn to JFK to Elvis to Diana, the celebrity post mortem photo has become a part of the historic record as well as tabloid tradition. So it was a surprise when the National Enquirer ran pictures of Anna Nicole Smith in her body bag-- then ran the disclaimer that they were "photo re-creations based on eyewitness accounts." They're usually better than that.

This morning, our pals at the New York Post's Page Six quote "a source close to the magazine" saying they're the real thing: actual photos of the Playboy icon's corpse in a Florida mortuary. They say someone with access to the refrigerated drawers scored a big payday after pulling out Smith's pre-embalmed body and unzipping the body bag for quick snaps of her bluish face. "We didn't want to get anyone fired," the Enquirer operative said.


Would they hide a scoop like this? Stay tuned.


Marilyn & Elvis... together at last...

New York Times' acclaimed investigative business journalist crawls back to familiar turf, dishing with fellow gay about their dead icon Anna Nicole

Harvey Levin (right), shaved bronzed midget frontman of the corporate porn-pushing gossip site TMZ.com and its inconsequential whitewashed syndicated television sister, was comfortably back in clone Polo and his familiar checkbook coverage of dead sex symbol Anna Nicole Smith, today, while today's New York Times gives credibility to his sleazy operation in a controversial front-page story by a website blogging fanboy turned Times reporter.

Inside Edition vs TMZ battle looms

Imagine if there was a real tabloid television show on the air right now. In the meantime, Anna Nicole Smith may have died too soon to save Geraldo, but her rapidly-decomposing corpse has been doing wonders for the series that are out there. The latest to get the good news? Inside Edition, the pseudo tabloid and A Current Affair knockoff that went on the air in 1989, and somehow, through a below-the-radar history of inoffensiveness and blandness that's moved from David Frost to Bill O'Reilly to Deborah Norville, has gotten a commitment to last well past its 20th year, into the 2011-2012 season. And today, Norville (being a good sport for her show, above) got a big vote of confidence with a big contract extension.

"We have a history with our viewers," she said today. "'Inside Edition' has been part of the television viewer's world for a generation now and there is an incredible amount of trust that goes with that. Even with the current coverage of Anna, we try to tell it in a non-sensational way. We make a point of talking about the water-cooler stories of the day, but we work hard not to abuse stories that are disturbing to our viewers."

"Deborah's solid news background and willingness to get in the trenches are a huge part of this show's success," said Inside executive producer Charles Lachman. "I can't think of anyone I'd rather have lead our news team."

You can read about Inside's history here. Meanwhile, TV scribe Marvin Kitman has finally come out with his long-awaited bio of former Inside anchor O'Reilly. Tabloid Baby author Burt Kearns, credited by Kitman as "tabloid historian," thankyouverymuch, is the authority on the Inside start-up years in The Man Who Would Not Shut Up.

We've been busy. But we'll get to the Kitman book-- and a very important correction to its text-- soon.

Stay tuned.

A rotten weekend for Howard Stern

Despite his model girlfriend, bags of money and Hamptons estate, it's got to be a depressing Memorial Day Weekend for Howard Stern. Forgotten and indeed hiding out amid the First Amendment battles fought over Imus, Opie & Anthony and other radio jocks whose slide into offensiveness he'd greased in his glory days, he loses his schlubadub radio sidekick, and like Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, it takes days, and possibly weeks, for word to spread across the country.

And the very fact that the obese heroin-addicted and out-of-control Artie Lange would leave his six-year steady gig as comic foil because of guest role on a little-watched (though tres cool) Fx series, reveals how irrelevant the once-powerful Stern has become since moving his morning show to the subscribers-only Sirius satellite system-- while betraying Stern's sadistic complicity in Lange's decline and certain demise.

You probably didn't hear about it, but Artie Lange announced on Thursday that he's quitting the Stern show because he has a recurring role on Denis Leary's Rescue Me and a potential maybe possibly talk show on Fox.

In his years on the Stern show, Artie has battled heroin addiction, ballooned to more than three hundred pounds and kept up a grueling stand-up comedy schedule-- all to the amusement and encouragement of his boss, who's used Artie's troubles as comic and soap opera fodder. Artie says a doctor recently told him that if he doesn't change his lifestyle, Tabloid Baby's prediction of his Farley-Belushi-Anna Nicole-style death is imminent.

"I just feel burned out," Artie said. "Nothing is set in stone, but it's something I'm seriously thinking about. The schedule is destroying me. I love the show, and I love the people. I'm just really concerned about my health.

"I have to find a happy balance . . . none of this is going to be worth it if I drop dead at a Best Western in Milwaukee."

Even so, this incredible diss by a drunken comedian whose career, if not his life, was saved by Stern, is the latest step on the inevitable return of Stern's show --in some form--to free radio (not even Stern's "confession" this week that he'd considered suicide and had put one of his much-publicized guns in his mouth got him into the headlines).

Meanwhile, Howard has even more to worry about... as an amazing phenomenon is occurring on several West Coast stations on which monotonal lunkhead Adam Carolla has inherited-- and maintained (thanks to his business partner Jimmy Kimmel's consulting role with the station group)-- Stern's former morning slot. Forced to take on the volatile Seventies leftover and reality TV star Danny Bonaduce as a third wheel, Carolla has seen Bonaduce take over the show in the past month, as Bonaduce's revelations and confessions regarding his failed marriage have pushed the show to Sternian levels of honesty and compelling listenability. Bonaduce has interrupted Carolla's rants, injects his personal stories into every discussion and celebrity interview, and even angrily challenged token female Theresa Strasser to reveal more of her feelings about her own love life. Carolla reacted last week by stacking the show with comedian guests like the surprisingly obnoxious David Alan Grier to sideline Bonaduce as often as possible.

But with Strasser playing up the good-girl-bad-boy attraction to Bonaduce and Carolla finding his fratjerk humour increasingly beside the point alongside Bonaduce's in-your-face realness, the "Ace" is getting aced out of his own show.

Strange but true and you read it here first: Danny Bonaduce is on the verge of becoming the new Howard Stern.

NY Times' kid blogger gives TMZ another handjob

Youthful TV blogger-turned-New York Times special reporter Brian Stelter continues to drag the former “newspaper of record” down the slippery slope of hype and spin with his breathless adulation of the syndicated television series based on the corporate porn-pushing gossip site TMZ.com.

For the second time in ten weeks, the 21-year-old stunt hire (the recent college graduate ran the TVNewser site, and was hired by the Times to boost its youthful cred when covering that Internets thing) has written a Times puff piece about the middling infotainment show, deceptively painting the camp, giggly TV version of the corporate porn-pushing gossip site as some kind of phenomenon, even while mentioning that the show lags millions of viewers and more than a couple of ratings points behind the more traditionally ass-kissing Entertainment Tonight and Access Hollywood and the like:

‘The three-month-old television version of ‘TMZ,’ which is based on the popular Web site about the foibles of Britney, J. Lo and the like, continues to rank as the top-rated new show in syndication.

“Harvey Levin, the managing editor of TMZ.com and the host of the series, said he has been thrilled with the popularity of the celebrity gossip show…

“The ‘TMZ’ staff holds a 6:30 a.m. P.T. meeting to plot the day’s coverage. The program is produced at 1 p.m.; a few affiliates broadcast it live and most others show it later in the day.

"The program has drawn an average rating of 2.0 in recent weeks, or roughly 2.2 million viewers, placing it well behind the established entertainment news brands (‘Entertainment Tonight,’ ‘Access Hollywood’) but ahead of the other recent additions to the syndication market (‘The Steve Wilkos Show,’ ‘Crosswords’)...”

So if TMZ TV isn't really a hit, why the drumbeat of praise, which, coming from the Gray Lady's website today, will only be repeated as gospel by the lazy mainstream media? We pointed out back in October, when Stelter wrote the first major TMZ “hit” spin, that the writer’s youth, background and excitement over seeing a website translate to a TV series, may have colored the Times coverage. This basic reprint of the original story in the final days of the year, coming the day after TMZ.com’s very dangerous Will Smith-Hitler-JDL slam, is questionable to say the least.

In any case, the real analysis comes from the ones who are a bit more savvy, experienced and knowledgeable about television. That would be the readers:

A sampling of some of the comments from the The Times’ website:

Never saw it, didn’t know it was on TV, couldn’t care less. If it’s anything like Entertainment Tonight or Access Holywood, I don’t want to see it. Both of them are 30 minutes of irritating jump cuts, stories with no content and adolescent pandering to celebrities who should be ashamed of themselves for the way they act. Whatever happened to dignity?
— Posted by Lloyd Perell

Everytime I hear about these shows, I think of Princess Diana dead in that tunnel in Paris with the paparazzi hovering around taking pics. I don’t see how the American public can condone the behavior that TMZ and other shows cause their paparrazi to do so that they can have an “exclusive”. Last I saw was a person following Julia Roberts to her kids school. That’s irresponsible and can dangerous to her kids.
— Posted by ATL Guy

We need to start asking some larger questions in relation to not only the cultural focus on celebrities, but also the focus on very specific Hollywood women with very specific behavioral patterns.
In an interview with the Arizona Republic, the musician Tori Amos was asked: “Does it trouble you that the obsession of both media and fans with such damaged figures as Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Anna Nicole Smith seems to get stronger each year?”
Amos answers: “You have to define what the obsession is, because it’s not about respect. In the old days, when you think about the screen sirens – Elizabeth Taylor, Grace Kelly, Catherine Deneuve – they were more on a pedestal... Some of these women had really developed an inner sense, and they had great writers. So when you look at some of the people who are (now) getting the obsession, we are obsessed with watching people destroy themselves because it makes us feel better about our lives. And that’s what is a little disconcerting.”
— Posted by Mandy

Well, that’s a shame. Bad enough the bottom feeders found a foothold on the internet, now they’re on tv. It’s a vicious cycle. Let’s find something new, build it up, make it popular, then hunt it down, rip it to shreds and dance on the grave. (Sounds like one of the insipid animations from the show.) Maybe for a sweeps period, they can turn their investigative eyes inward on themselves and show all their own embarassing habits and fetishes. (That would be the snake eating its own tail…)
— Posted by D Loehr

Success, eh? Reminds me of the old saying that, “nobody ever lost money underestimating the intelligence or good taste of the American public.”
And no one seems to be able to figure out why America is producing a generation of self-absorbed idiots? The “success” of TMZ is just further evidence of our insatiable obsession with lurid human behavior.
No wonder the rest of the world looks on in disgust at this country these days.
— Posted by Playashot

It wouldn’t surprise me to learn that if there was ever a Frontline episode where they revealed The Big Truth about ‘Bush’s war for Oil’ and how the corporations helped and are guilty of being all corporationy, most people would would click right pass it looking for American Idol. lm3rs! lol!! OMG! ponieees!!!! Welcome to capitalist America.
— Posted by Geoffe Du Marciand

Extraordinary. 
The dumbing down of America on the web wasn’t complete enough so now it comes to TV.
I liked Harvey when he covered legal issues for local TV in LA. Smart, to the point. I’m sure he still sleeps at night but I hope he asks himself if he’s making society better or worse? Better for him, no doubt, worse for the rest of the world.
He’s one of the reasons we’re reviled — and copied — in the rest of the world.
 A degenerate telling us about other degenerates.
Entertainment? I’d rather have needles stuck in my eyes.
— Posted by Peter A. Lake

2.2 million viewers… that’s about the same number of prisoners being held in US jails. Wake up. This article is just hype. TMZ does not represent mainstream America.
— Posted by John

(UPDATE here!)

Tabloid Baby welcomes its one MILLIONTH visitor

Minutes ago, Tabloid Baby surpassed one million individual visits.

On more than one million occasions, someone has clicked onto Tabloidbaby.com to see what's happening in our world. The milestone comes a month after Tabloidbaby.com passed two million page views since we started keeping count.

We have a lot of people to thank for helping us throughout this latest lap. Among them: Harvey Levin, Teresa Strasser, Adam Carolla, Danny Bonaduce, fans of the Adam Carolla radio show, everyone at the corporate porn-pushing gossip site TMZ.com, Our Man Elli in Israel, Larry Baras, the Israel Baseball League, Neil Innes, Mark Hudson, Terry Jones, Barrington Womble, Dr. Franklin Ruehl, Luke Ford, Burt Reynolds, Bollywood, Fishbowl LA, OJ Simpson, the late Anna Nicole Smith, the late David Has Schmidt, the late Lana Clarkson-- and you.

Bookmark us. Spread the word. And stay tuned for Tabloid Baby TV.

(According to Sitemeter, the one millionth visitor to Tabloidbaby.com was an individual from Detroit, Michigan, followed by folks in Fairfax, Virginia... Calcutta, West Bengal, India... Los Angeles... London... and Las Vegas. If you recognize ourself as Mr. or Ms. Million-- email us here.)

Jesse Ventura kicks ass

Jesse Ventura kicks ass. When a writer for LA Times claims he didn't "get to the bottom of anything" in the premiere episode of his new TV series, Conspiracy Theory, he stuffed it back in the wiseguy's face:

"How can you get to the bottom, with a one-hour TV show and the limited resources I have? Hey, I'm doing a lot better than you guys are! How's that for you?"

"You don't think journalists investigate anything?"

"Not much. They investigate the death of Anna Nicole Smith, which I won't be covering."

When some Boston Herald pencilneck insinuated he was a "surf bum" for taking up the sport in Baja Mexico, he shot back:

“If one were that dedicated to religion, would they be called a religion bum? No.”


And now that George Bush is safely out of the picture and GE is selling NBC, the mainstream media is getting around to reporting what Jesse said four years ago: that MSNBC pulled the plug on his talk show and benched him for the duration of his three-year contract because he didn't support the war in Iraq. That was before they went all lefty for ratings.

Jesse Ventura is investigating conspiracies Wednesday nights at 10 and the difference is that he's sincere in his beliefs and means what he says. We happen to know that because Jesse Ventura is a Tabloid Baby pal. We'll be waiting to see what he does with John Lennon, Bob Marley, Sonny Bono and Danny Gans.

Big Brother's sexy showdown

CBS's summer reality fling, Big Brother, has flagged in newsworthiness and sexiness compared to its counterparts around the world (most notably, the UK BB, which for a couple of seasons now has served up steady headlines of racism, sex & violence).

Until now.

In the past week, CBS's corny Chenbot BB has generated real heat. Centerfold and lad mag editors, reality spin-off pros-- even movie producers-- are paying attention to a pair of old-school pin-up contestants on opposite sides of the superhero spectrum: the unpredictable Jen Johnson (evil) and the inscrutable Daniele Donato (good-- it's her dad who's Evil. Or Evel. However he spells it.).

So far, sympathy lies with Daniele, the 20-year-old Hooters waitress from Huntington Beach, an anorexic Anna Nicole-alike whose obvious troubles are compounded by the presence of her Tommy Lee wannabe father, "Evel" Dick (a pal of former MTV headbanger Rikki Rachtmann).

Jen, a 23-year-old nanny from Beverly Hills (someone lets her watch the kids?), plays the self-obsessed, vengeful blow-up doll in what's shaping into a reality version of Dynasty-- or at least the Isaiah Washington-Patrick Dempsey tiff on the set of Grey's Anatomy.

And did anyone else notice...

...that host Julie Chen hit Jen with a politically-incorrect double-entendre insult Thursday night when she told her that she "takes the 'uni' out of 'unitard'"? Though Julie added a scripted line about Jen using the catsuit for more than one look, by taking the "uni" out of "unitard," it still means that Julie was calling Jen a "tard."

JERRY FALWELL DEAD!

The fundamentalist and televangelist was found unresponsive in his office this morning. The last celebrity to be found unresponsive was Anna Nicole, so we figure we'll get the jump on the pack.

UPDATE: 10:35 am Pacific Time: The AP confirms Falwell's death at 73.

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER

This is the mugshot we should be waking up to.

It's Lindsay Lohan's mother, Dina, who should be forced to face the music for failing in her parental responsibility to protect and direct her child.

The corporate porn-pushing AOL/Time-Warner website TMZ.com has its own selfish reasons (see Elvis Presley, John Lennon, John Belushi, Chris Farley Anna Nicole, etc....) for putting the "hit" on Lindsay Lohan's estranged (by those around her) father this afternoon, when the most he's done is beg those around Lindsay to help her (or to at least stop her from driving).

Were the TMZ amateur stalkerazzi the ones who were chasing Lindsay's car when she was arrested this morning?

That'll be sorted out later.

For now, it's time to arrest Lindsay's mother Dina, who partied along while her gifted, beautiful daughter was dragged to the edge of death.

And remember: While Lindsay was in "rehab," her mothe rDina was flogging a "reality" show in which she'd whore out her younger kids to the Hollywood monster.

Add on a few more charges.

... and a tip of the Tabloid Baby hat to Gallery of The Absurd...

Maria, we hardly knew ye

Our former neighbor and colleague Maria Shriver took a quite a stand for journalism when she announced that she won't return to TV news because of media coverage of Anna Nicole Smith's death. "It was then that I knew that the TV news business had changed and so had I," she said. "I called NBC News and told them I'm not coming back." Ha! Maria was hired on a network level in the first place because she was a "Kennedy," back in the day when TV news suits thuoght it a feather in the cap to have hired a Kennedy of any stripe (see Tabloid Baby-- take our word). We'd say she might have thought of throwing in the towel in wake of the media coverage of the death of her cousin David, her uncle Teddy's involvement of her cousin William Kennedy Smith's rape case, Willie's trial, the death of her cousin John-John, the boozing decline of her auntie Joan, cousin Pat's drug foibles, or in the days before her bodybuilder husband's election as governor, the coverage of his heavy-handed ass-grabbing and infidelities. Real brave that she waited til her 52nd birthday, when young Ben Silverman and Jeff Zucker are surely gagging for her return.

Goodbye, America's Rose

Was Anna Nicole Smith really the Marilyn Monroe of our time? Was she the Princess Diana of Reality TV? The way the network news and celebutainment shows are joining forces slogging through the mud in tribute to the sad beauty, we can't help but think that maybe she does complete that particular Die in Threes triangle.

And now, someone has sent us a song that confirms it.

Goodbye America's Rose comes "with apologies to Elton John... which are wholly insincere because he was such a bitch to Madonna."

"Goodbye America's Rose"
by Mike McNamara

Goodbye Vickie Lynn
Though I never knew you at all
You were the crazy glue
Stuck to the hearts of us all

You crawled out of the fast food stand
up to Guess? and to Playboy
And you brought leagues of men
Lots of masturbation joy

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a Red Bull mixed with gin
Never sleeping, never sober
Until the pain gave in.
And I would have liked to known you
But I was a too poor gay kid
Your sanity ran out long before
Your TrimSpa ever did

Spilling cereal on your chest
Drooling milk down your chin
You were truly outrageous
Even more so than Jem

Another people's princess lost
The empty eyes under your smile
Your death is incredibly suspicious
Could see that from a Texas mile

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a Red Bull mixed with gin
Living fully, living happy
Until Howard K Stern moved in
And I would have liked to have known you
More than just your show on E!
The Supreme Court gave you a ruling
I hope you're finally free...

(See more from the poet Mike McNamara at here.)

Las Vegas journo: Tabloid Baby coverage of Danny Gans mystery is "beneath contempt"

"I looked over what
you've been 'reporting.'
It's all beneath contempt...
Pulitzer Prize winning
newspapers have better
uses of their resources
than to 'investigate' something
that public documents
will reveal soon enough anyway."

Finally, a member of the Las Vegas media elite has explained to us why he and other trained, veteran journalists have kept a hands-off approach to the mystery surrounding the death of local superstar Danny Gans. While the premature deaths of Las Vegas stalwarts like Elvis Presley, Liberace, Anna Nicole Smith and Ted Binion were covered in detail by the local and national media, Gans' passing at the age of 52 has not received any critical or investigative treatment by reporters or editors, who've instead relied in statements by the local police and Gans' employer Steve Wynn to provide the sketchy details before settling in for a lengthy wait until the Clark County Coroner's Office releases an "official" statement on the cause of Gans' death.

Gans was a local hero. One newscaster this week referred to him as a "religious leader." One newspaper entered into a book deal with Gans' family and manager.

So we were waiting for the Thursday publication of the "alternative" Las Vegas Weekly to perhaps find some answers to the questions and speculation that have filled the information void since Gans' death was reported on Friday morning.


The story, labeled as "News" and written by veteran journalist Steve Friess, began promisingly enough:

"...How does a 52-year-old health nut die in his sleep?

"Here are my first and second comments, in this order: 'Oh, that’s so sad.' Then, after a long pause: 'But I wonder who’s going to care.'

"Yes, that sounds cold. But I meant—and Miles got it immediately—who in the national media will recognize this passing as a significant story? That’s my job and to some extent my function in this community, to determine what of the local news rises to the level of broader significance and interest, and which publication is going to want me to document it..."

How does a 52-year-old health nut die in his sleep? Alas, Friess was not out to dig up those facts. His story turned out to be just another palm-greasing eulogy praising the local religious leader:

"...Danny Gans wasn’t just talking a good game— he meant and lived a set of priorities regardless of whether he was bypassing fame or fortune or critical acclaim. Were he alive today to comment on his death, he wouldn’t give a damn that he never got to release that album or that the national media took scant notice of his demise. He would only care that he won’t meet his grandchildren, that his wife is now alone, that his friends have lost a golfing buddy.

"All those survivors may feel cheated by fate, but they’re not going to feel cheated by him. He gave them as much as he could. That’s what Gans was trying to say all that time. And if we finally get it— if we set aside our notions of what constitutes a successful life for someone in the public eye— then maybe, just maybe, this will be his greatest and most lasting impression."

As it turns out, The Las Vegas Weekly is owned by the same company that publishes the daily Las Vegas Sun, the 2009 Pulitzer Prize winner that is also ignoring the story.

We emailed Steve Friess this morning:

Steve,

"Why is no one in the Las Vegas media investigating what happened to Danny Gans?"

Steve Friess responded:

"Uh, because until the toxicology reports come back it would be irresponsible and inappropriate for legitimate reporters to write baseless speculation? Because a man is dead and a family is in mourning and the state of the nation is not dependent upon exacerbating their grief? Because Pulitzer Prize winning newspapers have better uses of their resources than to 'investigate' something that public documents will reveal soon enough anyway?

"I looked over what you've been 'reporting.' It's all beneath contempt. Ginning up Robin Leach's 'rumors' when the rumors he's referring to have nothing to do with Gans' death, implying an inappropriate relationship with Alicia Jacobs, attacking the local press for having a modicum of dignity and restraint on a story that will come out anyway ... I need to go take a shower now. Blech."

We emailed back:

"Thanks for the honest response, Steve. Can we quote you?"

Steve Friess, well known as the author of the book, Gay Vegas ("Don’t miss the pictorial on Vegas’ most phallic!") responded quickly:

"you bet. this shit'll be on my blog in a few minutes anyway."

Sigh. Not another media feud!