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Thursday, September 07, 2006

Storm Large takes her body home

From her name on down, she was one big walking contradiction: a whitebread beauty whose body was covered in extravagant tattoos, a down-and-dirty rock singer who performed like a castmember from Cats, a performer who won over the crowd with crunching rockers but insisted on boring them with ballads, an apparently troubled daddy's girl who acted like a suburban poseur, and a six foot tall behemoth whose name actually was Storm Large.

Portland chanteuse Storm was finally kicked off Rock Star: Supernova last night. We can't say she didn't deserve it, because she wasn't cut out for the job and was a more annoying screen presence than Mike Boogie and the Survivor creeps.

But Storm did add a big dose of sex to a show that was unmemorable for its soccer mom, haggard lesbian and chin-pierced troll contestants, and she took one for the team, allowing CBS to censor her website (currently "suspended," either for too much traffic or unpaid bills) and then leading millions of viewers to search for the reason why when she urged Tommy Lee on camera to Google her name in search of naked photos, helping boost the ratings and probably keeping her on the show a few weeks longer than she was fated.

In tribute, we lead you to some naked Storm links here, here, and here, so you can study the tattoos as Storm begins her new life as a reality television castoff-- which can be a pretty lucrative afterlife.

(Rock Star: Supernova has turned out to be the best TV series of the summer -- only because it turned out to be more consistent than Rescue Me-- and as it wraps up next week, our money is still on Baby Brando to win. Though the Aussie karaoke guy might pull it off despite last night's better-never-than-late song dedication to "the Crocodile Hunter.")

4 comments:

Michael said...

Oh, she'll be just fine as a reality show contestant celebrity, no doubt. That's got to have a bigger future anyway than the band Rock Star is auditioning for.

Anonymous said...

I really thought Storm was very sexy. The choice for what song to sing each week is very important. Toward the end, I think Storm just didn't pick good songs to showcase her talent. Her version of "Changes" was excellent. mastercard

Anonymous said...

I thought Storm had so much talent. True, she didn't belong fronting Supernova (or whatever they are going to call themselves now), but she's better off on her own. "Changes" was awesome, and her origional "Ladylike" kicked ass! Really disagreeing with you here tabloid baby...

Geoff said...

I have a feeling that the author was only playing the role of an insecure asshole critic who had to be negative of everything, and that was a wonderful job done.

As for the "Aussie karaoke guy" Toby, becoming 2nd runner-up jumpstarted a US career for his band Juke Kartel. Great vocalists him and Storm. Try constructive analysis next time.