Patrick Swayze's memoir is a tough read

When Patrick Swayze died, Simon & Schuster happened to be planning to publish the memoirs he wrote with his wife Lisa Niemi on September 29th. With the publication date still a "go"-- and with the timing, why wouldn't it be?-- the British tabloids are running excerpts this morning and with lines like "Chemotherapy was hell on wheels," it's brutal, honest and tough going:

FIGHTING cancer has been the most challenging and eye-opening experience I have ever had. It has sent me on an emotional journey deeper than anything I've felt before. Facing your own mortality is the quickest way possible to find out what you're made of. It strips away all the bullshit and exposes every part of you-- your strengths and weaknesses, your sense of self. Your soul.

***

Alot of things go through your head when you're handed a death sentence, starting with: 'Why me? What did I do to deserve this?' I'd been told in January 2008 that I had pancreatic cancer and had only months to live.

In the weeks after diagnosis, I struggled, with my wife Lisa's help, to make sense of what was happening. To counteract the anger and despair, I thought to myself: 'I've had more lifetimes than ten people put together and it's been an amazing ride.'

Then a funny thing happened. I couldn't accept what was going on. I was damned if this disease was going to take me before I was good and ready. I told my doctor: 'Show me where the enemy is and I will fight him.' Since then, that's what I've done, with every ounce of energy I have...

***

The next morning, the surgeon woke us to give me the diagnosis. When he told me I had pancreatic cancer, my first thought was: 'I'm a dead man.'

The only thing I'd ever heard about pancreatic cancer was that it's incurable and it kills you quickly. I stared at him in shock. I had gone in for a simple gastrointestinal procedure, then all of a sudden - surprise! You could be dead before springtime!

Fear sliced through me. What had happened? I had been so excited about the upswing my life was on. Now it seemed like a cruel joke. I couldn't be dying, I had too much to live for. I couldn't face the idea there was a disease inside me that would grow, mutate and kill me. I didn't know where to find the strength to deal with it.

Neither did Lisa. She has always been so strong, so determined and capable. We had been together through so much. But after the surgeon left, she broke down and cried.

She crawled into the hospital bed with me, buried her head in my neck, and said: 'I can't do this, Buddy. I can't do it. You can ask me for anything else, but please don't ask me to do this.' I held her and we wept.

She pulled herself together and has helped me through every aspect of this disease with good humour and boundless love. But at that moment, as she lay sobbing in my arms, I felt alone. I knew I'd have to find a way to fight this thing, but the thought of it exhausted me.

***

Chemotherapy was hell on wheels and it got worse the longer it went on, but I knew if it was a matter of pushing through the pain and discomfort - I could do it.

The cancer also caused trouble with my digestive system, giving me debilitating cramps. I spent many nights curled up in the foetal position on the bathroom floor. I felt nauseated and bloated most of the time. There was one side effect of chemo I'd dreaded, but it didn't happen. I did not lose my hair.

***

It's a fact that Swayze men have never lived to ripe old ages. My father died at 57. My paternal grandfather also died young, and most of my uncles never saw the other side of 40.

In some ways, I've always felt I was living on borrowed time. I've cheated death more times than I can count. There's something in the Swayze makeup that loves risk and God knows I've embraced my share over the years. After I passed the age of 30 with my body and mind still intact, I always felt I'd got away with something.

There are days when I feel determined to live until a cure is found. And there are days when I'm so tired, I don't know how I can keep going. But I have to keep moving forward as if there's a long future for me. As if this is beatable.

I'll be damned if this son of a bitch is going to beat me. It's trying to kill me, but I'm going to return the favour. I have never given up in a fight, starting from that day in junior high when five boys attacked me. And I'm not going to give up now. I have so much to live for. So much I want to accomplish.

It goes on like that, with his wife telling the story of their long relationship as well. Honesty, bravery and dignity from a guy no one had a bad word about.

Click here and here to read more.

Patrick Swayze is looking a lot better

With the Die in Threes celebrity death calculator thrown askew by the sheer number of clogs-popping stars from a variety of fields of fame (see Frank McCourt), it wasn't much of a leap to anticipate Patrick Swayze would be losing his battle against pancreatic cancer in the dead of summer. Happy to see in the Daily Mail, then, that the actor, dancer, and real-life tough guy is looking a hell of a lot healthier than he did back in April, when the effects of the disease and the chemotherapy used to fight it left him looking a step from the grave. Swayze's survival and odds-defiance can be credited in part to by treatment by the CyberKnife, a cutting-edge radiation device that blasts tumours with a high-powered laser, reaches tumours that conventional radiation cannot, and does its work in hours, as opposed to several punishing months.


The CyberKnife was brought to the world's attention by Tabloid Baby pal Brett Hudson and Frozen Pictures in their The Klinik documentary project, and has been getting a lot of attention in the UK becaue England now has its very first CyberKnife at Harley Street in London.

Click here to read Brett Hudson's blog at The Klinik movie website.

Did chemo kill Patrick Swayze?

Cancer survivor Suzanne Somers is quoted this morning saying that cancer-riddled Patrick Swayze was killed by chemotherapy treatments. She told columnist Shinan Givani: "They took a beautiful man" and "put poison in his body. Why couldn't they have built him up nutritionally and got ten rid of the toxins?" Somers has a kook reputation that dates back to her wacky decision to quit Three's Company at the height of its success, but she has been at the vanguard of alternative cancer treatments.Tabloid Baby pal Brett Hudson has written vividly about the cruel effects of chemotherapy on his blog on The Klinik documentary project website, and also about the importance of combining traditional treatments with nutritional, complememntary and alternative therapies. When it came to going beyond the American medical establishment, Swayze, alas, came late to the game.

Patrick Swayze: Still smokin'

Patrick Swayze is gaining weight, looking better and in fight against pancreatic cancer. Yet, he's photographed outside a smoke shop, still smoking cigarettes. Says an expert: "Here's a news flash for you, Pat: Cigarettes cause cancer. QUIT SMOKING!!!"

Visit The Klinik movie website here.

Swayze lived

Once Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, a lot of us figured he was a goner, but if he proved one thing in the time since, it was that he was never dying. He worked, he lived, he kept the hope alive, and was determined and strong enough throughout that more tha a few people were worried because he wouldn't give up the cigarettes. Swayze underwent the CyberKnife and the results of the state-of-the-art radiation treatment surprised him so much that he considered himself to be a miracle. The cancer was too advanced and he started the alternative treatments too late, and in the end, everybody dies. He spread the word about the CyberKnife, though, and now more people know enough to seek it out. He also starred in some great films like Red Dawn and Point Break, and one that made the Tabloid Baby's list of the Top 50 movies of all time.

Click here to visit The Klinik website.

Farrah Fawcett snubbed at The Oscars®

The image of Patrick Swayze led off the tributes and Karl Malden seemed to generate the loudest applause, but Farrah Fawcett was for some reason excluded from last night's Academy Awards® "In Memorium" segment. Farrah may be better known for her television work, but she also starred in classic films including Myra Breckenridge, Logan's Run, Sunburn, The Cannonball Run, Extremities, The Apostle and Dr. T and The Women.


(Michael Jackson, who died the same day as Farrah and whose film bio is far less substantial than Farrah's, was included.)

How tabloid inspired a country doctor

Dr. Crystal Bailey Gary and her husband Dr. Thomas Gary are family physicians who run the North Georgia Family Medicine center in Blairsville, Georgia. Dr. Crystal is one of those special people, dedicating her life to doing vitally important work and making other people's lives better.

And who'd think she was inspired by tabloid?

Dr. Crystal is the daughter of a legend: cameraman and mentor Lewis Bailey, who's guided the shoots and made the name of many a producer in tabloid television and network news (you'd surprised at how the two intertwine, then again if you read Tabloid Baby, you wouldn't be). Many of those producers knew Crystal back in the day as Lewis' fetching young assistant.


Dr. Crystal writes, and writes quite well, about the roots of her raising on the NGFM site:

"There is something to be said for kids 'from the sticks.' Growing up in the shadows of the Appalachian Mountains afforded me opportunities that others might consider obstacles. Life blesses some folks with silver spoons while others it simply blesses. I know that I belong in the latter category.

"The second of five children, I grew up where I was born-- in the tiny town of Young Harris, Georgia. As far as my memory will stretch, I recall that my parents always reinforced with my siblings and me a deep respect for hard work, persistence, and dedication. We balanced our summers working in the garden or water-sealing our driveway with exploring the surrounding woods and creeks. Any given day might find us decked out in makeshift 'jungle attire' which closely resembled my father’s safari hat and faded Muppet-Baby sheets, and armed with nothing more than a pair of trusty contraband scissors to ward off the perils of the forest. If the mountains of North Georgia could talk, they would tell tales of our imaginative exploits that paralleled the equally captivating adventures beamed to us from our analog satellite television receiver.

"In spite of our inherent rural ways, technology like the satellite dish, played a large role in our existence. My father owned a television production business that comprised a camera crew and equipment. I was almost thirteen when I began filling in for sick crew members, working as a sound technician and grip on location for such productions as Entertainment Tonight, 60 Minutes, and Dateline. These experiences exposed me to a world that even the most cosmopolitan person rarely encounters.

"For instance, how many other people can plead guilty to accidentally whacking Patrick Swayze in the head with a boom microphone? It did not take many production shoots with Hard Copy for me to learn that life encompasses a wide variety of people, all of whom have singularly interesting personal stories. I listened to the diversified complaints, questions, and afflictions that dominated the lives of these storytellers. These experiences opened my eyes to the burden that one ailment or worry can create. That knowledge gave direction to my life.

"From an early age I learned to appreciate the uniqueness of each individual. After learning to listen, I became interested in doing more than just lending an ear to these personal life stories-- I wanted to intervene. A profound respect and love for human life drives my desire to help improve the lives of those around me. What better role than 'family doc' enables a person to fulfill this aspiration? Not to mention, something tells me that I might consider staying away from any career choices that involve boom microphones.

"Thus, after twenty-odd years of stumbling through an amalgamation of turnip greens and UHF cables, I can honestly say that I was born to be a family doctor."

Patrick Swayze