Tuesday, January 24, 2006

The Best Damn Sports Show. With Periods.

The greatest show on television right now is Skating with Celebrities.

It’s the best hour on TV: compelling, funny, dramatic, edge-of-your seat, yell-back-at-the screen television entertainment, perfect for family viewing and a great poke in the ribs of celebutard culture.

And they fall!

We’re only disappointed and slightly uncomfortable that last night the first celebrity to be booted off the show was Todd Bridges, the only African American contestant. Especially after they had him skating in an Afro wig reminiscent of OJ in The Naked Gun 33 1/3.

Then again, it wasn’t as shocking and distasteful as The Amazing Race picking a family named “Black” as its only African American contenders, then kicking off “The Black Family” first.

Anyway, Skating with Celebrities is a brilliant rip of that dancing show. Mike Darnell is a genius.

As for the skating stars:

If Dave Coulier hangs in, this could be the next step to his TV comeback. Every new generation of kids loves Joey from Full House reruns, and he’s far less annoying and even a welcome TV presence in his middle age. Give this guy another sitcom!

Same with Jillian Barberie.

She’s always been a vulgar figure on television, but here she’s been re-invented, confoundingly, as a classy jock. She knows how to skate. And though she lost points by kissing Dorothy Hamill’s ass, she helped herself by thinking twice before mouthing back to the old queen in the Simon Cowell role.

Bruce Jenner’s plastic surgery sure does make him look feminine. Even though he keeps talking about playing golf with his buddies, he looks downright weird. Maybe that’s why they keep showing his wife and daughters in the crowd.

(Another OJ connection: his wife used to be married to Robert Kardashian).

Kristy Swanson has taken a harder fall than she is about to take next week on the ice. Deborah Gibson definitely got some heavy airbrushing and Photoshop ass-slimming on her Playboy spread. Isn’t Tai Babilonia married to David Brenner? And those male pro skaters all scream "gay" (the little one was scared by the all the facial piercings on one guy). So why does the old queenie judge want the women to show a closer connection to them? It’s just another layer to this A+ program!

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