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Hundreds were waiting in the biting cold for the delayed parade on Ventura Boulevard, when a big, sad, betusked elephant was trotted up the boulevard by two “handlers,” and stopped in front of the Mexicali Restaurant to give perilous rides to a hapless few.
It could have been a scene out of King Kong as mama handler screamed, spit and snarled frantically at frightened children and confused parents, ordering them to move back and onto the sidewalk, lest the unhappy beast go on a rampage!
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(We haven’t seen any abuse so blatant since witnessing Bobby Berosini’s orangutan antics backstage at the 1987 Jerry Lewis Telethon in Vegas (see Tabloid Baby, pg 74).
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But while Betty White led a demonstration to keep the elephants in their cramped enclosure at the antiquated L.A. Zoo a few miles away, the true face of elephants in captivity was paraded out in the middle of the boulevard.
And somebody human could have gotten hurt, too.
The only other “celebrities” in the parade were Richard Karn from Family Feud, some drippy soap opera actresses, and too many realtors.
The real starpower was on the sidelines. Among the crowd at Mexicali were tabloid television legend Doug Bruckner and this old gray-haired guy who plays a lot of cops and priests on TV (I think he guested on NYPD Blue). Parade spectators included Terminator’s Robert Patrick dressed up like a Fifties gas station attendant, complete with fat wallet chain, Linda Gray and Jimmy Kimmel, who haunted the block near Art’s Deli in a white OJ watchcap. (Would Johnny wander alone aimlessly up and down Ventura on a Saturday night? At least Jay would be riding a Stanley Steamer and wearing a train engineer’s hat.)
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The Studio City Chamber of Commerce hired the elephant and runs next year’s parade, too. 818-655-5916.
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