Tim Green, former Atlanta Falcons defensive end and host of the lamented, short-lived 2005 revival of A Current Affair, has resurfaced with a new book and a Sports Illustrated Q&A.
It’s been weeks since they were resurrected in the UK Sun, and the complete, uncensored collection of Heather Mills sex photos has yet to surface online.
Meanwhile, the UK tabs report that Heather is literally screaming for attention, yelling at photographers and expressing fears she’ll be shot dead, like John Lennon, or stabbed, like George Harrision. And Yoko Ono's piped up to compare Heather’s plight to her own thirty eight years of negative press.
A former Us Weekly editor named Jill Ishkanian is in hot water, with the FBI investigating whether she tapped into the magazine’s e-mail system to steal scoops about stars like Nick Lachey, Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen.
The story of course can be found in Tabloid Baby (see Chapter 8, Kings of Comedy). And Stuart Goldman’s version has been floating through cyberspace for about decade.
We found the June/July issue of Malibu magazine in a stack in the office last night. It’s been lying around for a week or so, we’d guess. We pick up the free glossy when we’re in Cross Creek or heading back from the pier after a good morning fishing. It’s usually an expensively-produced throway, known for the usual celebrity photo spreads and light interviews, real estate porn and restaurant reviews.
Highlights: A photo essay on the history of surfing that drags you under and doesn’t let go; a wrapup of the local “Malibu Sound” bands, all rich kids with famous daddies like Lou Adler and Bruce Jenner, sporting early-Seventies long hair and influenced by neighbor Kate Hudson’s Almost Famous movie as much as by Skynyrd and the Allmans (and a tragic fallen hero); and a story by Clementine Carter about a bizarre hidden canyon eatery called This Old Place that stopped serving salads because of fears of contamination and three-bean salad because folks made fun of it.
A limited-run TV Land series premieres tomorrow night, with a name stolen from an erotic docudrama series that will be released on DVD within weeks.
The TV Land series includes interviews with celebrities like Henry Winkler, Katey Sagal, Ted Danson, John O’Hurley, Jim Belushi, John Schneider, Cheryl Ladd, Glen Campbell, Cybill Shepherd, Mr. T and Sara Gilbert (hey, we’d like to hear about her “first time”!).
Alexander, Rhiannon Bray, Misty Mendez, Diana DeVoe, Dee, Alana Evans, Britney James, Dalny Marga, Katie Morgan, Buffy Sinclair, Aurora Snow, Allison Wyte, Melanie, Kelly Warner, Becca Bratt, Kara Caraballo and Mandy Roberts. 
Back in February, we took one final ride on Disneyland’s classic Pirates of the Caribbean attraction before the ride was closed for “upgrades” to add product tie-ins to the surprisingly successful movie franchise of the same name.
Meanwhile, Governor and former movie spectacle star Arnold Schwarzenegger was booed on the Disneyland red carpet-- though the jeers could have been directed at wife Maria Shriver's t-shirt, bearing an image of Michelangelo’s David with a sequin fig leaf.
"Well, let me tell you - after the fiasco with Nick Papps with the Australian News Agency (who I contacted first about the hat and he reported it and failed to mention that I, as a journalist was the one to find it) and then with Extra TV-- who I called second and they sent John Nazarian down after the fact and then made it look like he found it because of his famous abilities-- I am a little more than gunshy about working with anyone else. Our primary and only reason for contacting anyone was to get the hat up to the US for DNA testing...
The McDermott case leapt back into the headlines this month when Aussie journo Nick Papps followed our lead and splashed the news that Patrick McDermott had been sighted in and around the remote Baja town of Todos Santos. Others jumped on the bandwagon, most notably the American celebutainment TV show Extra, which claimed to have sent a big time Hollywood P.I. who sniffed out even more “exclusive” evidence.
Patrick was with a woman who she estimated to be around 35 and his hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She said the woman had blonde hair which goes along with the other reported sightings…
Poor old Dan Rather spends his afternoons wandering New York City’s Upper East Side, slipping into movie theatres to watch George Clooney’s mythological Edward R. Murrow movie, “Good Night (COMMA) and Good Luck.” No matter that old Dan, whose career touched on the Murrow era, knows that Clooney’s movie is historically inaccurate, that the Golden Age of CBS News was not as golden as any of us would like to believe, and that Edward R. Murrow was the father of tabloid celebrity journalism and a bit of a mythmaker himself; old Dan Rather can sit and stew in his memories, regret and bitterness.
Readers of Tabloid Baby know that old Dan's wounds are, in part, self-inflicted, and are familiar with the way old Dan and his cloistered CBS News accolytes shaped American popular culture and politics with their once-powerful newscast, slipping in their political biases in the name of objectivity, and lying.
Dan Rather was the only television reporter allowed to view the Zapruder film showing JFK being struck by the fatal bullets. Then he went on TV and lied about what he saw. The film clearly showed Kennedy’s head jerk back in an explosion of blood and brains—indicating the shot came from the front. Rather told the nation the head jerked forward-- backing the rush to judgment that Oswald was the lone gunman. (His lie was exposed years later—by Geraldo Rivera).
Now, according to the New York Times, old Dan is being adopted by George Clooney’s billionaire producer Mark Cuban to host a Hi Definition news broadcast (personally we’d prefer someone with as milkier, creamier complexion in Hi-def.) As he considers the indignity, not far removed from Joe Louis' role as greeter at Caesars Palace, old Dan slips into theatres to watch the comforting lies of “Good Night (COMMA) and Good Luck.”
It's about time. An American tabloid television organization is following Tabloid Baby's three-month-old exclusive lead-- and free advice-- and has sent a private eye to Baja Mexico in the search for Patrick McDermott.
The syndicated TV infotainment magazine Extra counts among its staff and management many journalists and producers (including the two women who helm the show) who learned the tabloid television and journalism game from the folks who now run the Tabloid Baby news comment and link site.
Now, touting their catch-up story as an "exclusive," the syndicator's website reports that the show has sent private investigator John Nazarian (recently publicized as the "clean Pellicano"-- and again demonstrating the close relationships between private eyes and Hollywood types) to the remote region, and that he's found more witnesses--and a visor they say could belong to the alleged "boyfriend" of Olivia Newton-John.
McDermott is believed to have faked his death off a fishing boat last summer, as a way to avoid child support debts-- and possibly, to give his young son tens of thousands of dollars in life insurance money.
Tabloid Baby broke the world exclusive story back in March that McDermott had been seen alive in and around the town of Todos Santos. In recent weeks, many news outlets have picked up the story after Australian journo Nick Papps arrived in the region and confirmed the scoop. (Just this week, Olivia-Newton John responded to the news Tabloid Baby broke).
"We're gratified that our friends at Extra have finally joined the search for Patrick McDermott," Tabloid Baby editor Burt Kearns said today. "We don't expect them to give us any credit. We know they wish they followed our lead earlier."
Burger King must have been pretty pleased with its "Big Buckin' Chicken" commercial. The ad, which eases kids into using the "f word" (and despite the sophisticated cranks hitting our comment board, there's no denying that "buckin' chicken" is a smutty joke, used expressly to stand in for "big f-ckin' chicken") helps the Big BK to poison their minds as well as young bodies. 
So now they've followed it with "Big Huckin' Chicken." We're not sure what "huckin" means, but again, it's an obvious substitute for "f-ckin": "Big huckin' chicken. You go big and you are spicy. Big huckin' chicken. Three hits of heat can't be beat. Spicy. Huckin. Chicken."
Same song. Slightly adjusted lyrics. Just as crude but without the imagination. As lowbrow as their "Groupies Love the Coq" campaign. As bad an influence on the kids as their greasy heart-clogging burgers and hydrogenated sugary fries. The Madison Avenue squirts must be high fivin' and doing extra lines in celebration. And who cares about the kids.
Performance artist Tom Green continues a slide from from home videos and rap records to MTV comedy show to Drew Barrymore to big time movies to testicular cancer to MTV talk show to Jay Leno bits... to the Internet tonight... as he takes questions from cyberspace and has intercourse with roadkill in a weekly webcast.
By our estimation, Green’s best work was in Barrymore's Charlie's Angels movie (a Hollywood classic), but his “Freddy Got Fingered” was incomprehensibly bent, with a sensibility that couldn't be labelled "comic," yet on some levels reached the plane of Yahoo Serious (a seriously underrated artist). What we remember about "Freddy" is Green’s pride in not including any fart jokes (a trait shared by the comedy smash, Cloud 9.) 
From 1985 to 1988, Patti was a very active porn star, blazing her way through dozens of X-rated films and videos like A Star Is Porn, Behind The Back Door, Bi & Large and Best of Rambone (titles that surely edge out the Sun's “Strawberry Feels Forever” and “Abbey Rude”).
Like Heather, her “…blonde hair framed a striking face, a vivacious visage whose sensual leers could raise the dead.”
But what a difference a few years, some brains, ambition, imagination and a lonely old recently-widowed ex-Beatle make. Heather would find the loss of her limb only helped in her walk to fame and fortune, leading to a career as a serious spokesmodel, and in fact posing no hindrance-- and according to some tabloid accounts may indeed have added some spice-- to her relationship with and eventual marriage to Paul McCartney.
Heather, it could have been worse. Join Tabloid Baby in lifting a legful to Patti Petite, porn star-- the kind of the girl who makes the News of The World, years before Heather Mills.
Greetings! The South Central Farm is under siege. If you live in LA or anywhere near there please make your way to the farm to keep the protesters and farmers safe… This is the Red Alert! The Sheriffs have begun and are carrying out the eviction! 
The McCartney marriage fiasco only gets more interesting. As estranged wife Heather Mills threatens to sue the News of World over a story claiming she worked as a high-priced hooker, with clients including Arab princes and Adnan Khashoggi in her early years, the Sun tabloid has dug up--or been handed-- even more Heather sex photos, from yet another sex book published in 1988 (the "volume — with many pictures too filthy to print in a family newspaper— was published by New York firm Arlington and sold worldwide through an erotic book club") .
Meanwhile, old McCartney had been using his website to correct the most innocuous of news reports regarding the split, yet there's been nary a post since the destruction campaign began-- not even to defend his "Lady" against prostituion charges-- as her camp denies them.
More than three months after Tabloid Baby first reported that her presumed-dead “boyfriend” was seen alive in Mexico’s Baja peninsula, Olivia Newton-John has finally broken her silence on the news.
The statement from the 57-year-old songbird came today as she accepted accolades for her appointment as an “Officer of the Order of Australia” in the Queen's Birthday honours list. Speaking on Australian television, Newton-John said she’d be “thrilled” if Patrick McDermott actually is in hiding.
But her award was the main topic. "I'm sad that he wasn't here to enjoy this. He'd be very proud of this," she said of McDermott, whose disappearance she never reported. 
