EXCLUSIVE: OBAMA WINS PRESIDENCY!

BARACK OBAMA
IS ELECTED
PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES!
HISTORIC VICTORY LAUNCHES
NEW ERA FOR AMERICA
TABLOIDBABY.COM IS FIRST
NEWS ORGANIZATION
TO CALL ELECTION
(based on analysis of early returns)

EVEN THE NEW YORK POST ADMITS IT

Hours to go. Go vote. Watch this space for earliest returns.

MOMENT OF TRUTH

Get out, vote, and let's wrap this thing.

McCain and Palin: It's to laugh

Tomorrow we go to the polls and vote in a whole new American era with the election of President Barack Obama. You've got to admit, the guy proved over the past two years that he's got what it takes, he's got a vision for the future, the economy and ending the war, and he kept his focus on the real issues while his cynical, crotchety opponent, with his dangerously unqualified demagogue running mate and the dark forces behind them, couldn't do much more than try to make everyone afraid of him. One of our favorite things about Barack Obama is how he simply brushes off the phony outrage too many of us fall back on, a falseness as fake as the enthusiasm supposedly intelligent conservative displayed over Sarah Palin.


This weekend, old John McCain showed that he'd given up, thrown in the towel, when he appeared on Saturday Night Live. The New York Times writes today about how he's whiling the final days by telling Henny Youngman jokes in quick succession. So let's go to the master, Chris Bearde, for a few days worth of McCain-Palin-Bush one-liners, just to rub it in, because those motherf*ckers deserve it:

McCain campaigns in 5 states, Joe the plumber campaigns in 5 agent’s offices and Palin campaigns with 5 couturiers.

McCain and Obama on Monday Night Football... John will use his long bomb bomb bomb.

Because McCain’s was funnier than Palin on Saturday Night live, she has hired writer Dennis Miller who lost his sense of humor during the sale of his integrity.

Desperate McCain accusing the entire Eastern Seaboard of being next to the sea.

Desperate Palin accuses Obama of being pals with people who have never worn American flag lapel pins.

After a Bush loyalist said of W: “He’s a good man who got a bad rap”… police arrested him for being under the influence of Dick Cheney.

Truth about Obama kicking Washington Times reporters off his plane: Not political... Bean Burritos.

Palin tells Hannity:
“Sean, where’s the really hard news …?”
Sean taken to the showers!!

Mormons put big bucks into anti gay amendment, they think marriage should only be between a man and lots of women.

McCain/Palin/Joe trailing in polls and brains.

Palin’s claims her first amendment rights violated... Sean Hannity goers crazy over Sarah being violated!

When McCain said Joe the Plumber was his “hero” it confirmed reports his new medications hasn’t kicked in.

McCain will use the “Twinkie Defense” when he loses.

A converted beer truck will be on its way to Arizona Tuesday night with a full load of anti depressants and a straight jacket.

Until her prime time interviews Palin thought syntax was something the IRS charged the Porno Industry.

Arnold stumping for McCain was praised for having a better understanding of English than Palin.

Palin accuses Joe of pimping her ride.

New revelations show that Chuck Norris, Hank Williams Jr, and Dennis Miller will join forces for the first “Joe the Plumber Lollapalooza Toilet Bowl.”

Joe’s first major concert appearance sees him lip syncing to any voice other than his own. In his honor Ted Nugent will bite the head off as life sized dummy of Keith Olberman.

59% think Palin is not qualified to be president and 96% say she’s not qualified to act like she thinks she is qualified.

A quarter of the people in Texas think Obama is a Muslim, this is the same quarter of the people in Texas who think Pamela Anderson is a virgin.

Texas… a state with its head in the sand and it’s asshole in Crawford.

McCain had to bring in a bus load of people to fill up the empty spaces at his rally at Starbucks.

Sarah Palin’s crowds have dwindled down to religious fanatics, race baiters and fashion designers.

The last black guy at a Palin stadium rally got the day of the ballgame wrong.

With such a short time before the elections McCain is using Joe the Plumber to bring in the frontal lobotomy crowd.

LAST MINUTE ACCUSATIONS!!

Palin has accused the entire state of California of being kinda gay looking and untrustworthy.

McCain is accusing everybody about everything he can think of.

Joe the Plumber accused Giuliani of being an ugly woman.

Palin accused Joe the Plumber of getting an agent and a recording contract before she does.

The Obscure Radical Professors of America Society accuse McCain of cherry picking.

I’m accusing McCain, Palin and Joe the Plumber of being “The New Three Stooges!”

Palin accuses the kids of Democrats of being the spawn of Satan.

Elvira accuses Cindy McCain of stealing her makeup.

And be sure to check out The Chris Bearde School of Comedy!

VOTE TOMORROW!

And vote Obama!

Audio: Sarah Palin punk'd by radio jocks

A few days before the threat of her becoming vice president is ended by Barack Obama's victory, rogue Sarah Palin spent at least five minutes on the telephone, making a fool of herself by speaking to and playing along with a deejay pretending he was French President Sarkozy. What an idiot. And what a decrepit campaign organization. How could we expect McCain's people to vet this right wing extremist demagogue when they can't even vet a phone call? Thank God we only have four more days of this before we send her back to Alaska.

Girls! Exclusive Nick Jonas photos!

Nick Jonas of The Jonas Brothers at this morning's Walk To Cure Diabetes outside Dodger Stadium.



Photos © TabloidBaby.com

Survivor's "pin-up" Sugar is a nude actress

Jessica "Sugar" Kiper, who made Survivor history last night by being sent to Exile Island five challenges in a row, is billed as a "pin-up model" on the CBS reality series, though" Sugar" is actually a veteran TV and movie actress who's been on shows like For Your Love, Undressed, and Gilmore Girls and, pictured below, in films like 2007's Sex and Death 101.

Muriel Reis, attorney in tabloid television heyday

Muriel Reis was the attorney for Fox Television when we at A Current Affair were breaking all the laws in the book in the early days of tabloid television. Muriel, who was featured prominently in the book Tabloid Baby, died on Wednesday. We last saw her at the Steve Dunleavy tribute in midtown Manhattan earlier this month, and all of us at TabloidBaby.com offer condolences to her family and friends.

From Legacy.com:

Muriel Henle Reis, beloved wife of Arthur Reis, Jr., for 55 years, devoted mother of Arthur Henle Reis, Diane Mary Reis and Pamela Robin Reis, and a trail blazer for women in the legal profession, died peacefully on Wednesday, October 29th, at her home in Manhattan.

The cause of death was pancreatic cancer.

A legal expert on the First Amendment, libel law and the Federal Communications Commission, she worked on legal issues confronting the broadcast industry for more than 50 years. Upon her graduation from Columbia Law School in 1949, she joined the American Broadcasting Company's legal staff, and in 1958 she went to work for Metromedia, Inc., first serving as assistant general counsel and assistant secretary. In 1974, she became vice president of Metromedia's WNEW-TV and was named associate general counsel of Metromedia in 1985.

In 1992, she became vice president for legal affairs and East Coast litigation, at Fox Television (which had acquired Metromedia) and held that position until her retirement in 2005. During her tenure at Fox, she provided legal counsel to the upstart television program, "A Current Affair" and helped create the Fox News Network. In addition to being a leading First Amendment lawyer, she also worked as an on-air legal commentator, providing legal analysis during the murder trial of OJ Simpson. She hosted a public affairs program, "Sunday Night with Muriel Reis," was a guest host of the program "Midday Live," and made numerous appearances on "Good Day New York" as a legal expert.

She was honored in 1994 by the New York Chapter of the National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences by being inducted into the Silver Circle, an elite group of media professionals who made significant contributions to their industry and their community over a career span of at least 25 years. A lifelong and devoted New Yorker and a graduate of the Brearley School and Vassar College, she felt compelled to contribute to her community and the city she loved. She served on the New York Lawyers' Association Task Force on Judicial Independence and co-chaired the Media Subcommittee. She was a member of the Bar Association of the City of New York and served on its Communication Law Committee.

In addition to her pioneering work as a lawyer, she was a passionate advocate for disadvantaged children. Her desire to help those in need led to her to contribute her time and talents to the Children's Aid Society. She was also a valued member of the board of directors of CASA, an organization of court appointed special advocates working on behalf of children in foster care, as well as a tenacious CASA volunteer, who used her legal skills to help improve the lives of others. She had a brilliant mind, a loving heart and a spirit of generosity that extended to all who knew her.

She was loved by her four grandchildren, Chloe Reis Hyman, Mara Claire McCartin, Elisa Reis McCartin, and Lucas Henle Reis Hyman, her daughter-in-law Marianne McGeary Reis and her sons-in-law, Joseph A. McCartin and Kevin Hyman. She will be deeply missed by her family, friends and professional colleagues.

Contributions in her memory may be made to CASA, Court Appointed Special Advocates for Children, 50 Broadway, 31 Floor, New York, NY 10004.

Share your memories or condolences here at Legacy.com.

John McCain is a confused old man II

At least Richard Nixon knew where to find his plumbers.

Dr. Ghoul's Realm of Bizarre Halloween News

The Realm Of Bizarre News 45: Halloween Special

Tabloid Baby pal, contributor, columnist and TV, movie and music video star Dr. Franklin Ruehl, Ph.D. loves Halloween! So of course the Doctor (yes, that's him behind the mask!) has got a special Halloween edition of The Realm of Bizarre News.

Justice for Lana Clarkson this time?

Phil Spector went on trial today for the second time in the fatal shooting of actress Lana Clarkson on February 3, 2003.

Spector walked into court. Lana did not. The new panel of jurors will look at the photos below and try to decide if they believe Spector's contention it was suicide.

The New 30 hits stride in new Hollywood preview

No one was bold enough to show proof of Botox treatment to get free admission into the latest preview of The New 30 at the Laugh Factory on the Sunset Strip last night, but that had to be the only disappointment, as another star-studded crowd of Hollywood notables and celebs laughed, cheered and begged for mercy as veteran comic Alan Bursky ripped through Eric Cohen's solo performance piece.

In what was only the second outing for the hilarious play about Baby Boomers and their attempts to cheat Father Time and beat the reaper, Bursky, who'd been honing his chops in at Harrah's Improv in Vegas this month, demonstrated an ease with and control of the material that reminded the audience they were in the presence of a pro as he sold the each and every line throughout.


Bursky's revival and career resurgence with this tailor-made role is a delight to the Hollywood comedy crowd and the stuff of Hollywood lore-- and even greater in light of the Hollywood lore Bursky has already contributed to in his fifty-something-- make that 30 something-- years (watch this space for our exclusive interview about his wild ride).

Cohen's play itself is tailor-made for a wide audience, as it tackles subjects that touch and unite us all (Hollywood narcissism, middle-aged vanity and America's obsession with youth are united in an overriding fear of death) with refreshing laughs that make the uncomfortable truths go down easily.

And with our pals at Frozen Pictures doing triple duty as technical crew, stage hands and gladhanding show business players, the show went off with nary a hitch-- and any hitches in this latest, fleshed-out version of The New 30 only drew more laughs and applause from an appreciative audience that included boldface names like comedy superstar Drew Carey, TV legend Chris Bearde, Laugh Factory owner and comedy guru Jamie Masada, actor Antonio D. Charity, producer Yasmin Brennan and Hollywood blogger Luis Calvo.


The group is still polishing this gem, so it's obvious there are even more new laughs to come . The show's got one more Laugh Factory preview on Thursday, November 6th. The Botox offer still applies.

Alan Bursky & Eric Cohen shortly before the show

Exclusive! The playwright watches his work:

Special offer! See The New 30 at half-price!

Double-click the poster, print it out and bring it in for half-price admission for the new hit solo performance comedy show, The New 30, tomorrow, Tuesday, October 28th, and/or Thursday, November 6th.

(Free admission with proof of Botox!)

MyHollywood team creams TMZ in Hudson story

Hey, credit where credit is due in coverage of the Jennifer Hudson family murder tragedy.

While the boys at the corporate porn-pushing gossip site TMZ.com tinkled their jeans since the weekend, merrily stringing out details in the story among their usual clueless classless WeHo headlines like "Nice Cans," "Zac-- Ripped for Her Pleasure," "Ben Affleck Stumps Random Woman," "Goalie Eats It on Palin's Rug," and all-too familiar coprophiliac, scatological headlines like "Keanu Jury-- Filthy with Movie Doody" (seriously, Harvey, who's the scat freak?), it was the witty, attractive young Peyton Daley over at MyHollywood.com who scooped the shaved bronzed midget and everyone else by being the first to confirm that it was indeed the body of Jennifer's nephew Julian King that was found in an SUV this morning.

TMZ reported the discovery around the same time as the MyHollywood team, but didn't confirm it was Julian until 2 pm Pacific time. That was around the same time the "mainstream" media reported the news.

MyHollywood.com (the site you know from its hilarious banned Joan Rivers Emmy coverage) beat them all by more than seven hours.

The Hollywood insider site had the scoop at 6:45 am, with the to-the-point, uncute headline: Update: Jennifer Hudson's nephew found dead ("Police haven’t confirmed the body is Julian’s, but sources tell me that it is."). Simple, to the point, with better sources, they got the story and moved on.

Bursky kills in Vegas on road to 'The New 30'

Legendary comedian Alan Bursky, star of the new solo performance show, The New 30 has wrapped a smash stand at The Improv at Harrah's in Las Vegas, and is headed from the Vegas Strip to the Sunset Strip in Hollywood for Tuesday's big preview of The New 30 at the Laugh Factory on the Sunset Strip.


Acclaimed Vegas photographer Erik Kabik snapped the shots that were featured on Robin Leach's Vegas star blog. Expect more at the October 28th preview of a show that's already been hailed (by us!) as "a nonstop laughfest... hilarious and knowing... laugh-out-loud!"

Bursky is rising as the comedy comeback story of the year as this veteran stand-up is finding a new audience in Eric Cohen's laff riot of a play about baby boomers, Botox, Viagra and beyond (that's produced by our pals at Frozen Pictures).

Half price tix with the flyer below.

Watch this space for more on Bursky.

"Diva" Sarah Palin goes rogue

Former prisoner of war John McCain created a monster with his impetuous, reckless, cynical decision to name dangerously unqualified religious extremist and right wing ideologue Sarah Palin as his vice presidential candidate. CNN reports that McCain advisers say Palin has stepped aside from the failing campaign, has gone alarmingly "off message" and is laying the groundwork for her future as figurehead of a divisive, racist Republican party.

In their words, the empty-vessel demagogue is "going rogue":

"McCain sources say Palin has gone off-message several times, and they privately wonder whether the incidents were deliberate...

"A second McCain source says she appears to be looking out for herself more than the McCain campaign.

"'She is a diva. She takes no advice from anyone,' said this McCain adviser. 'She does not have any relationships of trust with any of us, her family or anyone else.

"'Also, she is playing for her own future and sees herself as the next leader of the party. Remember: Divas trust only unto themselves, as they see themselves as the beginning and end of all wisdom.'

"...Two sources... defended the decision to keep her press interaction limited after she was picked, both saying flatly that she was not ready and that the missteps could have been a lot worse.

"'Her lack of fundamental understanding of some key issues was dramatic,' said another McCain source with direct knowledge of the process to prepare Palin after she was picked. The source said it was probably the 'hardest' to get her 'up to speed than any candidate in history.'"

TV reporter Anne Pressly dies of attack injuries

Anne Pressly, the TV reporter from Little Rock who was beaten and stabbed in her bed by person or persons unknown earlier this week, has died of her injuries.

Her family won't release details, and police have not made an arrest in the mysterious attack on the woman best known for portraying a conservative TV pundit in Oliver Stone's George Bush biopic, W., and for an ambush interview with Vice President Dick Cheney.

Anne was just 26. Our readers had sent get well wishes to her Facebook page.


Her parents released this statement a little while ago:

"We are profoundly saddened to tell you that our dear Anne has lost her struggle for life. It was our hope, as was yours, that Anne would overcome the injuries inflicted upon her in the brutal attack at her home. We were with her in her last moments, and although our hearts are broken, we are at the same time comforted by our faith knowing that Anne is now with our Heavenly Father.

"The outpouring of compassion we have received is truly a testament to the way in which Anne has touched so many people in a positive way. Thank you for your prayers and your many acts of kindness. We are grateful for the wonderful care Anne received from her doctors, nurses and others at St. Vincent.

"Our lives will not be the same without her. We ask that you continue to pray for us as we struggle to move forward without our dear sweet daughter. We also ask that you give us the privacy we need at this very difficult time."

Guy and Patti Cannady
The parents of Anne Pressly

Nudes: GOP scum target Obama's dead mother

"It may not be true, but fuck it! 'Cause they're both dead!
And if it ain't true, nobody'll know!"
--Tabloid Baby, pg 10

Everybody knows you don't go after a person's mother.
--Tabloid Baby, pg 428

We were waiting to see how low the McCain campaign would go in its desperate attempts to drag down Barack Obama, but of all the lowdown tactics pulled by the angry old prisoner of war and his embarrassing, shockingly unqualified, empty-vessel demagogue attack dog of a vice presidential candidate, we didn't expect they'd go after Obama's dead mother on the same day he'd taken time to visit his dying grandmother. The picture above and a couple of more like it were unearthed, probably doctored and leaked to some operative blogsite with the claim that the woman pictured could possibly have been Obama's mother, Ann Dunham Soetoro, with bizarre analysis equating jazz albums in the pictures to communist ties and possible questions about Obama's true paternity.

After all the scare tactics about Obama being a terrorist (and black!), this is what they were holding back? The photos have no potential possible effect on Obama's campaign, so the entire reason they were posted was to throw more mud. And with a week and a half until the election, it's frightening to consider what the GOP, Fox News and Bush family-- with their decades of connections to the bin Ladens of Saudi Arabia-- might try in an attempt to shift some votes away from the next President of The United States. These are the kinds of scumbags who've got to be left behind.

And so what if she did pose?

John McCain is a confused old man

This week in Pennsylvania. Is there any wonder they spread the phony story of the Pennsylvania McCain worker who'd claimed an Obama thug carved a "B" in her cheek? The story was an obvious fake-- the "B" was backwards (done in a mirror-- see Tabloid Baby, pg 25), but even so, Drudge left it up as his lead story for a day.

Jerry Lewis says "fag," minces, doesn't get laughs

Oh, that Jerry Lewis. The Tabloid Baby comedy hero who is exposed in a very wonderful way in the book of the same name, has caused a real kerfuffle in Sydney, Australia today, where he let loose with another anti-gay slur at a press conference.

Jerry, whose onscreen relationship with Dean Martin and many subsequent film roles cast him in gay-tinged or effeminate light, is 83, so... here's the story from a very helpful Australian gay website:

At a press conference in Sydney today 83 year old comedian Jerry Lewis decided to let fly with the word ‘fag’. And what’s even more shocking, a major Australian news outlet didn’t even feel the need to edit the word out before televising the interview.

While speaking with a journalist from Channel Ten News, Lewis was asked “What do you think of cricket?” His response was, “Oh cricket is a fag’s game!” Lewis then proceeded to flounce about, using camp, effeminate gestures, pretending to hold a bat with a limp wrist, squealing in a high pitched voice “Ah! The ball is coming towards me!”

He may have intended for it to be amusing, but not everyone is laughing.

It’s not the first time Jerry Lewis has publicly used the word ‘fag’. Last year he used it during his annual Labor Day Telethon for Muscular Dystrophy on American television. He issued a written apology afterwards, but it would seem he hasn’t learned his lesson at all...

Dr. Ruehl costars in Ed McMahon's rap video!

Poor old destitute Ed McMahon is making some quick cash by starring in a couple of comedy rap videos for a credit report company. The good news is that Tabloid Baby pal, contributor, columnist and TV, movie and music video star Dr. Franklin Ruehl, Ph.D. is a costar!

Writes the good Doctor:

"I am in part 2, RAPS 2, also separately listed as "McGangsta."

"I am seen with my repent sign and raccoon hat 38-42 seconds into it, and at the very end-- 55-56 sec-- in a pirate hat, dancing with others in his motel room."

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Dangerous Sarah Palin puts vote in God's hands

Sarah Palin said in an interview with evangelist James Dobson that she's not discouraged by the polls and again demonstrated that she is a dangerous religious extremist whom we can't get off the political trail and into a show on the Fox News Channel quickly enough:

"To me, it motivates us, makes us work that much harder. And it also strengthens my faith, because I'm going to know, at the end of the day, putting this in God's hands, that the right thing for America will be done at the end of the day on November 4th. So I'm not discouraged at all.

"When we hear along the rope lines that people are interceding for us and praying for us, it's our reminder to do the same, to put this all in God's hands, to seek his perfect will for this nation, and to of course seek his wisdom and guidance in putting this nation back on the right track.

"It is that intercession that is so needed and so greatly appreciated. And I can feel it too, Dr. Dobson. I can feel the power of prayer, and that strength that is provided through our prayer warriors across this nation.

"That filter (of the 'mainstream media') has to be erased. So we have to have faith in the wisdom of the people that they'll understand what our message is. But even bigger that then, I have to have that faith that God is going to help us get that message out there."