Monday, November 03, 2008

McCain and Palin: It's to laugh

Tomorrow we go to the polls and vote in a whole new American era with the election of President Barack Obama. You've got to admit, the guy proved over the past two years that he's got what it takes, he's got a vision for the future, the economy and ending the war, and he kept his focus on the real issues while his cynical, crotchety opponent, with his dangerously unqualified demagogue running mate and the dark forces behind them, couldn't do much more than try to make everyone afraid of him. One of our favorite things about Barack Obama is how he simply brushes off the phony outrage too many of us fall back on, a falseness as fake as the enthusiasm supposedly intelligent conservative displayed over Sarah Palin.

This weekend, old John McCain showed that he'd given up, thrown in the towel, when he appeared on Saturday Night Live. The New York Times writes today about how he's whiling the final days by telling Henny Youngman jokes in quick succession. So let's go to the master, Chris Bearde, for a few days worth of McCain-Palin-Bush one-liners, just to rub it in, because those motherf*ckers deserve it:

McCain campaigns in 5 states, Joe the plumber campaigns in 5 agent’s offices and Palin campaigns with 5 couturiers.

McCain and Obama on Monday Night Football... John will use his long bomb bomb bomb.

Because McCain’s was funnier than Palin on Saturday Night live, she has hired writer Dennis Miller who lost his sense of humor during the sale of his integrity.

Desperate McCain accusing the entire Eastern Seaboard of being next to the sea.

Desperate Palin accuses Obama of being pals with people who have never worn American flag lapel pins.

After a Bush loyalist said of W: “He’s a good man who got a bad rap”… police arrested him for being under the influence of Dick Cheney.

Truth about Obama kicking Washington Times reporters off his plane:
Not political... Bean Burritos.

Palin tells Hannity:

“Sean, where’s the really hard news …?”
Sean taken to the showers!!

Mormons put big bucks into anti gay amendment, they think marriage should only be between a man and lots of women.

McCain/Palin/Joe trailing in polls and brains.

Palin’s claims her first amendment rights violated... Sean Hannity goers crazy over Sarah being violated!

When McCain said Joe the Plumber was his “hero” it confirmed reports his new medications hasn’t kicked in.

McCain will use the “Twinkie Defense” when he loses.

A converted beer truck will be on its way to Arizona Tuesday night with a full load of anti depressants and a straight jacket.

Until her prime time interviews Palin thought syntax was something the IRS charged the Porno Industry.

Arnold stumping for McCain was praised for having a better understanding of English than Palin.

Palin accuses Joe of pimping her ride.

New revelations show that Chuck Norris, Hank Williams Jr, and Dennis Miller will join forces for the first “Joe the Plumber Lollapalooza Toilet Bowl.”

Joe’s first major concert appearance sees him lip syncing to any voice other than his own. In his honor Ted Nugent will bite the head off as life sized dummy of Keith Olberman.

59% think Palin is not qualified to be president and 96% say she’s not qualified to act like she thinks she is qualified.

A quarter of the people in Texas think Obama is a Muslim, this is the same quarter of the people in Texas who think Pamela Anderson is a virgin.

Texas… a state with its head in the sand and it’s asshole in Crawford.

McCain had to bring in a bus load of people to fill up the empty spaces at his rally at Starbucks.

Sarah Palin’s crowds have dwindled down to religious fanatics, race baiters and fashion designers.

The last black guy at a Palin stadium rally got the day of the ballgame wrong.

With such a short time before the elections McCain is using Joe the Plumber to bring in the frontal lobotomy crowd.


Palin has accused the entire state of California of being kinda gay looking and untrustworthy.

McCain is accusing everybody about everything he can think of.

Joe the Plumber accused Giuliani of being an ugly woman.

Palin accused Joe the Plumber of getting an agent and a recording contract before she does.

The Obscure Radical Professors of America Society accuse McCain of cherry picking.

I’m accusing McCain, Palin and Joe the Plumber of being “The New Three Stooges!”

Palin accuses the kids of Democrats of being the spawn of Satan.

Elvira accuses Cindy McCain of stealing her makeup.

And be sure to check out The Chris Bearde School of Comedy!

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