In the late night wars, why does the Mexican guy wind up getting screwed?

First Jay Leno pushed Conan O'Brien out of his dream job as host of the Tonight Show at NBC, after he agreed to a deal that would have forced Conan to move his show back to midnight, and now it's reported that Conan O'Brien is taking a late night gig at TBS, forcing George Lopez out of his 11 pm talk show slot and back to midnight on TBS.

Lopez reportedly agreed to the deal, but did he have a choice?

(Funny related story: Lopez was in a feud with Jay Leno a couple of years ago, when Leno was invited to a comedian's gathering at the Laugh Factory on Sunset Boulevard. Noticing Lopez in the crowd, Leno got loose from his handlers and walked over to clear things up. He offered the olive branch to his colleague, only to be met with the response:

"Jay, I'm not George Lopez. I'm Paul Rodriguez."

What's with Neil Young's hair last night?

Neil Young with Dave Matthews on the telethon

Neil Young on The Tonight Show

Neil Young made two appearances on television last night. One was supposedly taped yesterday afternoon, one was allegedly live. So why was his hair silver on the Hope for Haiti Now telethon, while sporting an orange rinse on Conan O'Brien's final Tonight Show?

Exploiting Artie Lange's suicide attempt

Aside from Howard Stern's word that his radio sidekick is still in "bad shape," there's been no word on the condition of comedian Artie Lange since his release from the hospital after he plunged a 13-inch Wolfgang Puck kitchen knife nine times into his corpulent abdomen in a suicide attempt on January 2nd, but the exploitation of the bloated, drug-addicted slovenly clown has moved from the insular world of satellite radio to the national stage.

The Comedy Central network will run Lange's Jack & Coke (as in "cocaine") standup special Saturday night at 10 pm, as it had already been schedule in November, but with the disingenuous statement from a Comedy Central spokesman: "The news about Artie is tragic, but we spoke to his camp and are excited to share with his fans the genius of his stand-up act and this never-seen-before special."

Lange's "camp," of course, are the ones who allowed the sad, disheveled comic to descend to such depths of degradation and self-hatred that he attempted to take his own life. The special, however, shows Lange in May 2009, when he was fresh out of rehab and momentarily sober.

Someone in that "camp" is also keeping Lange's name in the news for reasons other than his own shame with the posting of a clip of Lange's appearance on The Late Show with Conan O'Brien in 2008, in which he predicted O'Brien's demise as host of The Tonight Show.

Meanwhile Stern, who has exploited Lange's condition for years and pushed him in the name of comedy toward the brink of hopelessness and death, told his small band of Sirius radio listeners on Tuesday that he'd spoken with Lange, and revealed how much he cares about the tortured performer when he said:

"Artie and I ran out of shit to talk about in three seconds."

Stern rejected an offer to appear as a guest on Conan O'Brien's final week on The Tonight Show, claiming it would interfere with his private Sirius satellite radio schedule, but which was obvious attempt to avoid questions about his culpability in Lange's suicide attempt as well as his effort to keep the incident covered up.

UPDATE: In a development that took more than 24 hours to get past the satellite radio wall to the general public, it's being reported that Stern told a fellow Sirius deejay that he's been approached for, and considering, a return to mainstream, free, "terrestrial" radio. The move would only confirm what this site has been predicting for some time, as Stern has vanished from public consciousness and lost hundreds of thousands of fans, as evidenced by the lack of response from Stern fans to TabloidBaby's Stern postings compared to the past and despite our boom in site traffic.

So what about the Masturbating Bear?

So NBC is finally wrapping up the Conan O'Brien debacle and, after a break for the Olympics, will head into another three months of critical headlines about the mediocrity of Jay Leno when he gets the timeslot back. Conan and his people played it well-- a lot better than he played as host of The Tonight Show, which we all stopped watching after the first week (he never should have brought back Andy Richter-- it was a retreat to the infantile comedy he did in the early days of The Late Show, not even Letterman does the hip "irony" thing anymore, and Conan didn't click as a full-fledged talent until after he dumped the playacting sidekick and went solo). The only question that matters is whether NBC gets to keep the "intellectual property rights" to his sketches which would mean it's the last anyone will ever see of The Masturbating Bear.

One thing the saga did demonstrate was how the corporate porn-pushing gossip site TMZ.com is consistently wrong in its reporting and how dangerous it is for lazy paid mainstream journos to use it as a source. From its ever-shifting details of the contents and timing of the settlement, the site and its shaved bronzed midget frontman made it clear that, as when they rolled the dice in reporting the death of Michael Jackson prematurely, they make shit up, and as long as they have supporters like Brian Stelter at the New York Times to give them attribution and feature stories whenever they happen to be correct, they're golden.

Zucked up: NBC boss finds hope in Haiti

"Look! Over there! No! Not at late night! At Haiti!"

With his once-winning network crumbling around him, the Jay Leno-Conan O'Brien embarrassment making the prospect of keeping his job at the top once the deal to dump NBC onto Comcast comes through a little less certain, and seeing his name suddenly morphed into a new word that means "bungled" ("zucked up"), Jeff Zucker can at least take comfort knowing he didn't screw up NBC News too badly by, let's say, trying to hold onto Katie Couric by giving her the Nightly News chair. This memo went out to the troops and their leaders this morning:

Sent: Sunday, January 17, 2010 1:01 AM
Subject: HAITI Coverage

A quick note of thanks to everyone at NBC News and MSNBC and MSNBC.com who has played a role in covering the earthquake in Haiti, both here at home and on the ground there.

Your coverage has been comprehensive, compassionate, powerful, sensitive and respectful, often under incredibly difficult circumstances.

Of course, nothing can do real justice to the tragedy that has unfolded in Haiti, the devastating loss of life and the unimaginable aftermath that now exists there.

But you have again reminded us why so many of us got into this business .. to help shine a light on events like this and, in doing so, bring some small measure of hope to those affected.

You have done it superbly, and made the entire company proud.

Thank you again.

JEFF

NBC News chief on Haiti: "So many stories to be told! Thanks for a great week!"

It was a bad week for NBC-Universal chief Jeff Zucker (what with Leno and Conan and all), but for NBC News president Steve Capus, the disaster in Haiti was a something of a blessing-- a great opportunity for his division to show what they're made of. In his message to his troops today, he says:

"This is just the beginning:
There's so much suffering...
so much rebuilding to be done...
so many stories to be told."

January 15, 2010
A Message From Steve Capus

There is a lot to cover in this first note of 2010, but before I get to that, I just want to thank everyone for their first-rate work on the Haiti Earthquake coverage. While I write this, we still have no way to calculate the enormity of the devastation, nor the numbers of those who've been lost. It's a calamity, and the challenges of giving it the proper perspective are enormous. Just about everyone in this news division has contributed in some manner to the coverage... but I'm especially proud of the resourceful crews, technicians, producers andreporters who dropped everything in order to establish our presence in Port au Prince and Santo Domingo.

Hats off to Brian Williams, Ann Curry, Al Roker, Kerry Sanders, Michelle Kosinski, Ron Allen, Bob Bazell, Dr. Nancy Snyderman, WNBC's Tom Llamas and their teams of producers and crews who all traveled to a region without knowing the countless challenges they'd face. David Verdi's Net desk team and bureaus have done brilliant jobs managing the logistical and news gathering efforts. We could not have pulled this off without them. At times like these, I am amazed by the breadth and depth of this news division: Over the past 72 hours, I've seen our comprehensive coverage on "Today," "Nightly," MSNBC, CNBC, msnbc.com, the Weather Channel, our owned and operated stations and the NBC affiliates ... all distributed through NBC Newschannel and via our international partners. This is just the beginning: There's so much suffering... so much rebuilding to be done... so many stories to be told.

One related note: For the last 32 years, NBC's Martin Fletcher has lent his considerable expertise to coverage such as the Haiti earthquake. We've always been able to turn to Martin for outstanding field reporting, emotional story-telling, and great camaraderie. Sadly for us, Martin has now had a taste of what's it's like to be a best-selling author. He has "the bug" and wants to purse more book projects. So, Martin has decided to retire from his full-time job with NBC News. However, NBC News will always be Martin's home and we are excited about some future projects that we've begun to consider. We're fortunate that Tom Aspell is already based in the region... Richard Engel spends a considerable amount of time there... and our aggressive partners at ITN are co-located in our new Tel Aviv bureau.

There is more to discuss about topics such as: Dateline's expanding role in NBC's primetime line-up... the considerable success our broadcasts are enjoying these days... MSNBC's upcoming town hall on race... NBC News announcement on DPI (see below)... and so much more. But for now, let's keep our focus on the Haiti crisis. Our thoughts and prayers are with the people of Haiti.

Thanks for a great week.

steve

Leno regains old show, gains new enemy

If Jay Leno is such a nice guy, why do so many of his colleagues hate his guts? It could be because Jay Leno knows how to make things happen, and how to stand back and pretend he's an innocent bystander swept up by events. Combine all that with his obsessive work habits and denim shirts and we've got to ask: Is it his mother, his father, or something to do with his late brother? And does the viewing audience give a shit?

Now Jay Leno must walk away from NBC

Now that Conan O'Brien's thrown down the gauntlet and refused to move with the Tonight show to 12:05 a.m. to make way for a half-hour of Jay Leno jokes at 11:35, it's up to Jay Leno to do the right thing and walk away from NBC as well.


After all, it was his show that failed at 10 p.m. and collapsed the late night ratings. We're hearing that NBC is already calling up agents looking for guest hosts to fill in on that expensive new Tonight set.

But if Conan takes a hike, does Leno think he can walk back to where he left off at Tonight with any dignity at all? Even before his 10 o'clock disaster got the axe, there was talk that NBC suits were talking about Jerry Seinfeld taking over Tonight. It still could happen. But would passive-aggressive Leno take a stand?

Way to go, Conan! (And we do mean "go")

Conan O'Brien has Just released a statement in which he refuses to accept a move of his Tonight show to 12:05 a.m in order to accommodate Jay Leno. It's a statement for the television archives:

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn’t the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.

Yours,

Conan

Run, Conan, Run

"NBC chief Jeff Gaspin said the network is pulling the plug on The Jay Leno Show beginning February 12, and he is in active negotiations to try and keep Leno and Conan O'Brien on NBC..."

Until we see that Kimmel-Silverman sex tape, David Letterman's got the most embarrassing late night scandal

First Conan O'Brien winds up hospitalized with a concussion after hitting his head during a silly stunt on his show, then comes word that someone's about to release a sex tape that Jimmy Kimmel made with Sarah Silverman, and now David Letterman says his sexual affairs with members of his staff led to an extortion attempt. Not a good week for the white guys of late night television. We'd guess Jay Leno is sitting pretty right about now.

Sex & Baseball Grand Slam! Our Man Elli's kudos for Conan

Our Man Elli in Israel, the man behind our Pulitzer Prize-nominated coverage of the Israel Baseball League (thanks for nothing, Sig Gissler!), checks in after a long absence (hard at work as a correspondent for the Israel Broadcasting Authority) to offer declare a “Grand Slam for Conan O’Brien” for a late night sex and baseball joke:

“Parents’ groups are complaining that TV broadcasts of baseball games are filled with ads for erectile dysfunction drugs. In other words, things are so turned around these days that now we delay baseball by thinking about sex.”


And who’d forget that Our Man Elli is subject of the Sex & Baseball documentary project…

How to guarantee your ratings will drop 42% on your second night in prime time

...Promote Michael Moore as your main guest, keep him on for two segments and and then let him sing an a capella version of The Times They Are A Changin'. Note to Conan O'Brien: Lose Andy Richter. The ironic announcer thing and little boy gags held you back in the early Nineties and now it just seems strange.

* Update: Make that 62%...