Why we call TMZ a "porn pushing" gossip site

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EXCLUSIVE! Dad insists: "Lindsay Lohan was NOT blackmailed into appearing on TMZ TV show"

When we'd heard that Lindsay Lohan made an appearance on the inconsequential whitewashed syndicated television version of the corporate porn-pushing gossip site TMZ.com the other night, we hadn't realized that she'd not only given the appearance of cooperation, but that she'd actually gone into the belly of the beast, sat in on one of Harvey Levin's phony Mr. Chips boypen production meetings and videotaped a bit as if she'd been invited back to Saturday Night Live.

Realizing that she'd endured the equivalent of having tea in the sitting room of her rapist, we immediately assumed that she'd probably been blackmailed by the TMZ street urchin scumbags; that there actually must be some kind of Lindsay Lohan sex tape out there and that the shaved bronzed midget Mr. Levin had done an Old School tabloid trick of offering to trade that sordid potential story for a benediction from the star (as troubled and down as she may be).

So we went to the source-- Lindsay's daddy-- and asked him straight out:

"Is Harvey Levin blackmailing Lindsay or Dina?"

Rev. Michael Lohan insists that it wasn't blackmail after all.

He tells us in an email:

"She DID on her own free will as a joke!! She actually made fun of the paps by doing it showing how they make big issues of little things like shopping for Cheerios."

Let's hope that in this case, father knows best. Because Lindsay certainly didn't...

Meanwhile, our stories on TMZ's Elliott Yamin disgrace apparently struck a nerve and have led to a lot of chatter among insurgents within the Twink Male Zone. And they've been chattering to us.

So stay tuned.

Is this photo the reason they're floating that rumour about a Zac Efron-Vanessa Hudgens sex tape?

Forensic Analysis:

The Rumour.

The Photo Scandal.

Harvey Levin bends over for Gene Simmons

We haven’t wasted much space lately on the corporate porn-pushing gossip site TMZ.com, and especially not its inconsequential whitewashed, boy-beatifying syndicated television version, figuring we'd leave it up to their corporate overlords at Time Warner and AOL and their wives to cluck with pride over the site headlines like the ones over past day or so:

J.Lo Finally Pops Out A Pair… a Boy and Girl!

You Must Be This Tall to Ride Ms. Zeta-Jones

Bette Gets the Clap in Vegas

African Men Like Bush

Siegfried & Roy Do Bette Midler

Amy to Stranger - Sure I'll Put You In My Mouth

Paris -- Any Pole Will Do

Ride Me Tate Donovan!

Gary Dourdan -- Douchebag of the Year?

Brit's Vajayjay Takes Its Daily Stroll

Anyway, you get the idea. What caught our eye this morning was TMZ's first mention of that Gene Simmons sex tape that hit the Internet earlier this week.

And not because the post was given the clever, droll and very hip headline:

Gene Simmons to Sex Site: Suck My Copyright!

TMZ reports, without mentioning the historical precedent, that Gene is fighting the company that's selling, by claiming copyright ownership-- much as Poison frontman and Tabloid Baby pal Bret Michaels did with the sex tape he made years ago with Pamela Anderson.

With its usual mealy-mouth hypocritical cowardly, the website that has for years pitched, teased, named, advertised, pushed and directed readers to sales sites for celebrity porn tapes, notes with uncharacteristic modesty:

“
BTW, the tape was shot without Simmons' permission or knowledge -- and may well be illegal. That's why TMZ hasn't run it.”

That's why TMZ hasn't run it? Does anyone believe that? Does anyone believe these jealous, hateful revenge queens who send amateurs with cel phone cameras to chase unstable young women in traffic and ambush hard-working celebrities give a toss about someone's right to privacy? The real reason is more likely twofold (and that’s not counting the fact that Gene is over 21).

Reason #1: Gene had his lawyers send TMZ and other sites a cease-and-desist letter so threatening that, to use the TMZ parlance, Harvey Levin probably shit his pants. No way would the former lawyer stand up to the threats in the name of free speech, as Nick Denton and Gawker did when the Scientology legal team tried to stop their posting of the Tom Cruise tape or, in the case of the Simmons video, the much less powerful gossip site Valleywag.com, which posted the Simmons’ lawyers letter and this response:

"The short clips we posted are newsworthy and will not be taken down."

The second reason TMZ isn’t running the and promoting the Gene Simmons sex tape is more obvious: TMZ doesn’t have a money deal with the sellers of the tape. No one’s getting a kickback.

Note: Though the brave TMZ team credits most all of its offensive postings to “TMZ staff,” one individual is being hung out to dry. The TMZ site now “credits” Gillian Sheldon as “TMZ.com supervising producer.” Harvey Levin’s name is nowhere to be found, though his obsessions are everywhere.

Who is Gillian Sheldon? Is he or she a real person? Help our Tabloid Baby investigation by sending a picture or bio.