Exclusive! 3-way lesbian attack in Cristina's Court!

The video is ominous. The headline is serious. And the potential charges sound grave:

SURVEILLANCE VIDEO TO BE SHOWN IN COURT MONDAY (NOV. 6) CAPTURED A YOUNG WOMAN’S VIOLENT RAGE IN THE CAR PARK OF A DETROIT SHOPPING MALL.

It’s sure a chilling sight, the shapely figure walking through a pair of automatic doors with a baseball bat dangling at her side. A second camera catches her outside in a parking lot, as she approaches a small car— and bashes in the windshield in broad daylight.

What’s going on? Well, considering that TV Sweeps kicks off tomorrow, this violent act of rage can’t be anything else but a sexy, enraged lesbian who’s out for revenge after finding out she’s the third wheel in a hot and steamy all-girl love triangle!

Now we know how the new syndicated courtroom series Cristina’s Court beat Geraldo At Large last week. It’s not enough that the show features a sexy young Latina TV judge who’s made history by making the jump from Telemundo to mainstream American television, but the producers know how to find and ignite those hot-button issues we can all relate to.

Like lesbian love triangles!

Gotta love the femme-loving victim of the attack. She didn’t press charges, but decided to duke out in a court of TV law. And it’s quite the showdown. The alleged-- aw, come on, she did it-- admitted bat girl stands tall when Cristina puts her feet to the flame (actually, she’d probably dig that).

“That’s what happens when you got a lot of animosity,” 22-year-old fiery lesbian Jennifer Gretsinger, testifies. “It felt awesome when I broke that windshield!”

“Did you know what part of the car you wanted to hit?” asked Judge Cristina Perez.

“I really just wanted to hit Michelle,” said Jenny. (Michelle is 19-year other girlfriend of gal siren and Jennifer’s secret lover LaTyra Goodwin-- who does look a little like Snoop from The Wire).

“After three times of hitting the car what do you say to yourself?” blonde Cristina asks.

Jenni-fur: “Haaah!!”

The cuckolded lesbian bat wielder then pleads not guilty by reason of temporary insanity. Yeah, crazy in lesbian love!

The case and verdict airs Monday, November 6. Check your local listings—before you wreck yourself!

Here’s the story in a “nut” shell: