Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Our Man Elli catches Ellen stealing at the Oscars®



Tabloid Baby's correspondent in Jerusalem, Our Man Elli in Israel, is a TV star as a top correspondent for the Israeli Broadcasting Authority. But he's also star of Frozen Pictures' documentary project, Sex & Baseball, which gives him some authority when it comes to the movies. Put his investigative skills to to work on the Oscars, and he finds a new reason to dislike Ellen DeGeneres' performance as host:
We know that the host for the Oscars® has to really be on top of his or her game-- after all, this IS the biggest entertainment night of the year, they've just been given the plum assignment, and they better do an outstanding job or else their failure will be remembered longer than a success ever would.

Ellen DeGegeneres herself understood the importance of the evening, having said before the show®: "I don't take this for granted for a second. This is the biggest event, you know, probably to date that I've done."

Well, if it's the biggest thing you've ever done, shouldn’t you make it a point to work hard and do it right?

If you're a great comedian, like a Billy Crystal, you write good lines and deliver them. If you're Ellen DeGeneres, you're not even smart enough to hire good gagwriters and you wind up blowing the opportunity as the second woman to ever serve as solo emcee.

When DeGeneres comes out there to strut her stuff, what's the brilliant line she delivers that gets quoted more than any other?

"What a wonderful night, such diversity in the room, in a year when there's been so many negative things said about people's race, religion and sexual orientation…"

Now first of all, what made 2006 different from any other year? Has there ever NOT been a year where so many negative things have been said about people's race, religion and sexual orientation? Not important, really, because it's just a set up for the brilliant pithy joke that follows:

"...And I want to put this out there: If there weren't blacks, Jews and gays, there would be no Oscars®."

Hey, fun-ny! Clever. And most important: original-- biting social commentary that really tells everyone where Hollywood is at, and let's all wrap our arms around it and celebrate.

Except for one thing: it is, in fact, a 23-year-old joke used in Mel Brooks’ movie, To Be or Not to Be:

Frederick Bronski: "If it wasn't for Jews, fags, and gypsies, there would be no theater."

Bring back Whoopi Goldberg!

1 comment:

  1. "IF THERE WERE'NT ANY JEWS OR ARABS , THERE WOULDN'T BE ANY
    MIDDLE EAST INSTITUTE!"
    WHO IS THIS PUTZ , ELLI?
    IT WAS A DULL OPENING BUT WHAT SHE SAID WAS NOT MEANT TO BE A JOKE...
    IT WAS CODE FOR :"IF IT THERE WEREN'T ANY LESBIANS,
    THERE WOULDN'T BE ANY CUNNILINGUS" *

    *cunnilingus |ˌkənlˈi ng gəs| |ˈkənəˌlɪŋgəs| |ˈkʌnɪˌlɪŋgəs|
    noun
    stimulation of the female genitals using the tongue or lips.
    ORIGIN late 19th cent.: from Latin, from cunnus ‘vulva’ + lingere ‘lick.’

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